Anko the Therapist
by Tobi-Is-Fluffy-Chan
Summary: Title says all! Anko normal; it's anything but. Anko Mitarashi gets tricked into going on an extended S-Rank mission. What is that mission? Play THERAPIST to everyone who has problems in Konoha. Now imagine that! Rated for language/suggested themes. Implied Iruka/Anko Kakashi/Anko. May contain lemons in later chappies. Extreme humor/slight romance & drama. Unexpectd events happen!
1. Anko, The New Therapist in Town!

**Hello Readers and Fans of my works! Kumi-chan here! This is a challenge: Make a therapist story. Anyone ever notice that there are no Therapists in Naruto? None in Konoha, none in The Hidden Sound, Hidden Mist, none in any village. **

**And if there is any, we don't know about it haha!**

**Haha, and in this story: Anko's the therapist in town! Dun Dun Dunnnnn!**

**Enchoy this first chappie!**

**Genres: Humor, Drama and a bit ****Romance.**

**Pairings: A bit of Iruka/Anko, maybe Naruto/Hinata and Asuma/Kurenai, this is set in the Naruto series, not Shippuden, so I will have to see how things work out.**

**This is rated M for the language, suggested themes, comic violence, and maybe lemons in future chappies between Anko and some people. Who knows. But give it a chance, please! You might laugh at it!**

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_Disclaimers: I dunn own Anko, Naruto, or anything but the plot! (Well, I own most of it)Kishimoto-sempai owns the rest! The characters, everything! _

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**Now allow me to introduce our main character! Anko!**

**Anko: Hey people. Allow me to introduce the name of our first chapter!**

**Chapter 1 : Machi No Anko Atarashi Serapisuto!**

**(Anko, The New Therapist in Town!)**

**Kumi: People speak english here! Geez, Anko! Translation: "Anko, The New Therapist in Town!"**

**Written By: Tobi-Is-Fluffy-Chan/Kumi-Chan**

**Starring:**

**Anko Mitarashi**

**Etc**

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"C'Mon guys... Cheer up... Um, sure the Third Hokage died and everything... And it's raining... Which makes this day even more depressing but... Atleast he didn't die in vain!" Anko chimed trying to lift the spirits of her ninja friends. After the Hokage's funeral, Kakashi invited everyone out for a quick drink. However, no matter how many drinks any of them drunk, they were still sulking.

Anko pouted and leaned her elbow on the wooden table in the bar. "You all are acting like a bunch of losers." She blurted out. Picking up her bottle of sake, she then chugged it down.

"You seem to be in a good mood, Anko." Kakashi quietly murmured. Asuma sighed heavily and mumbled, "Tell me about it. Who the hell put extra sugar in your coffee this morning?" The young woman with violet hair narrowed her eyes and fumed, "Well excuse more for trying to lighten things up!" She crossed her arms over her chest and scowled. "Hey, Iruka finally made it." The Copy Ninja remarked, waving as Iruka made his way over to their booth.

"Hello everyone. Sorry I'm late but Konohamaru actually went into shock. I just had to be there to comfort him, ya' know." He explained. Akno glanced at him and 'psshed'. "The little guy will be fine! He's just gotta' learn to suck it up!"

Iruka rolled his dark brown eyes and teased, "See Anko, _that's _why no one voted for you to become a mentor and why you aren't dating anyone." Asuma and Kakashi exchanged glances and burst out hearty laughs. Iruka held up his hand and Asuma 'high-fived' it.

Her light brown eyes lit up in flames and she gritted her teeth shouting, "Oh you can't be talking Iruka and Asuma! Iruka what are you? Gay or something! When's the last time _you _got laid, huh? And Asuma! You're still chasing after Kurenai! And ho, ho, ho! Kakashi, Kakashi, Kakashi, where's _your _girl-friend, huh?"

The men's laughter was stifled and Anko deviously grinned at her victory. "Serves you punks right for trash-talk!"

Iruka sighed and raised his hand shouting, "Waiter, I'll take a light beer, please."

"Geez Anko... Lighten up. Look on the bright side." Asuma chirped. Anko rolled her eyes and seethed, "What bright side?"

Kakashi closed his eyes in merriement and beamed, "Atleast we all cracked a smile!" Waiting for a reaction, Kakashi pinched the woman's cheeks... "Now isn't that what you wanted?" Iruka sheepishly smiled, right along with Kakashi and Asuma.

Anko's Reaction:

(._.)

*Later On*

*Anko's POV*

"Ahh!" I sighed. "The rain stopped! Finally we can see a little sun-shine after such a gloomy day!" I beamed. I walked through the Leaf Village, looking around. Ever since those bastards from Sunagakure and The Hidden Sound betrayed us and destroyed most of Konoha, things have been bustling and a bit rough.

However, construction did begin to bring back Konoha to it's natural state and to rebuild it. Many men and even women were working on bulidings. Lumber was being transported around, the sounds of hammers meeting wood and other tools echoed throughout the who village. I guess things were getting better... Gradually, you could say.

*Weeks Later*

The woman named Anko Mitarashi sat in the local Dango Shop, chewing on a piece of red bean flavored dango. She licked her lips at the sweet and good taste of the snack food she enjoyed so much. "Mmm! Chu can't finnd anee bettrr ango dan thissuh anee wheerr! Bwinga meh Hanamehh Ango nd at'll bwee all!" She chimed, talking with her mouth full. Finishing her last pieces of dango and paying the tab, Anko stepped out of the shop and into the festive and bustling city of Konohagakure.

Despite how active and live the city was, she was still suffering from boredom.

Folding her arms behind her head as a potiential head-rest, Anko sighed heavily and continued walking throughout the city.

She pasted botiques, shops, resturaunts and different places but none of them pisqued her interest. "Ugh! I'm so bored! Damn it! There is nothing to do!" She whined.

*Mean-while*

"Stop it Ino-pig!" Shouted Sakura Haruno. She was in a Cat fight with Ino Yamanaka. "Shut up Billboard Brow!" Ino seethed back. Sasuke Uchiha rolled his onyx and dark colored eyes at the scene laid out before him. He sighed from the annoyance of having to watch and started to walk away.

Sakura's pale greenn eyes gazed up at him in confusion as he walked away and she gave one more slap to Ino's elbow. Ino as well, gazed at him again, giving one more tug at Sakura's light pink hair.

"Sasuke-Kun~ Where are you going?" Ino called out. She gave a death glare to Sakura and Sakura shouted to him, "Uh, Sasuke?"

"..." Was his response.

The two pre-teen girls exchanged glares and started an arugement.

"Way to go Ino-pig! You drove Sasuke away with your stupidness and pig-like features!" Sakura scowled. Ino gasped, "What? No! I bet it was your big forehead that frightened him and made him leave! Ugh! You make me sick!" Ino scornfully hollered back to her.

Anko watched the scene from afar and finally butted in. She placed either of her hands on Sakura's head and Ino's head. Simply pushing, or more like mushing them away from each other, Anko rolled her eyes and sighed, "Look here Kitties, if Lady Tsunade saw you two fighting or whatever the hell that was my eyes just saw... They really burn right now but I can, deal with it... She'd sure as hell bring hell straight to the both of you. Got that?" Ino glared at Sakura and Sakura glared at Ino.

Anko just face-palmed and snapped, "Hello? Did you kitties here me?" The pinkette and blonde finally broke their glaring contest and they both turned their heads away from each other.

**"I hear you. But I don't know if that"**

"Ino-pig does"

"Billboard-brow does"

Anko sighed and rolled her eyes and placed her hand on her hip, using the other one to pick the bridge of her nose.

"You know what? Just shut up. And stop the damn glare thing and with the stupid pet names!" She ended up snapping to the two of them. Anko placed her hands inv the pockets of her khaki over-coat and walked away.

Ino and Sakura both said at the same time, "It's not pet names!"

Just a corner way from all that went down was none other than the Hokage herself. She started to rub her chin in deep thought and smiled at the "brilliant" idea she thought of.

*Later On*

"Lady Tsunade? You wanted to see me?" The violet haired, young woman slurred to the Hokage.

Tsunade who sat behind a desk that was piled with papers, documents and scrolls flashed Anki a sly grin. "Anko, I have a S-Rank mission for you. It's mandatory that you complete it... That is _if _you except it. I couldn't think of anyone else perfect enough for this job!" Tsunade exclaimed.

"Hell yeah I'll take it!" Anko beamed. Tsunade smirked in satisfaction and slowly handed her the scroll containing "classified information". "Shizune... Show Mitarashi-sama to the door please." Tsunade quietly said, propping her elbows up on her desk and folding her hands.

*Anko's POV*

Woo! This is the kind of thing I was looking for! I was beaming inside and out side. It was time to rub it in people's faces! Heh, Heh! A CLASSIFIED S-Rank mission! Woo!

I was strutting down the street when I saw Iruka... With a woman? Pssh, she wasn't his girl-friend I know that. With the biggest smile I had, I walked over to him and chimed, "Hey Iruka!" He gave me a sly grin and exclaimed, "Good Evening, Anko." The two of us stared at each other for a while and he broke the silence "boasting", "I'd like you to meet the mother of one of my students, Ami." Ami held out her hand for me to shake. I stared at it for a while and watched her drop her hand to her side. No way I was shaking hands with some broad who has a kid. I them smiled modestly at Iruka and his broad teasing, "Eh, she's cute. But what's up with the stretch-marks like she got four kids? Looks like Iruka's trying to pick up a mom with a kid, huh? Heh, you can do better!" Ami's small smile faded into a frown and she glanced at Iruka sighing, "I... Think I'm going to go..." She then walked away and my lips curved into a smug smile at my victory.

"What the hell did you do that for!" Iruka whined. "I actually had a chance with her!" He whined again. Iruka slumped over and exhaled deeply.

Time to play with this guy a little... I thought. "Aww, Iruka-sempai... I'm sorry. I was just being blunt and stating the obvious!" I grumbled. I got a little closer to him and started to stroke his shoulder in a "soothing" way. His head snapped up and he gave me a puzzled expression. "Anko?" He inquired, flashing me a modest smile.

"Yes, Iruka-sempai?" I answered back.

"What the hell are you doing?" He asked, frowing at me.

I rolled my eyes and patted his head. "Nevermind that Buck-o. Guess who just got a CLASSIFIED S-Rank mission?"

Before Iruka could even answer my question, I pointed my two thumbs at myself and boasted, "This Girl!"

He himself decided to roll his eyes and groaned, "You? S-Rank mission?... No fair. Fine, what's it about?" I thought for a moment and scratched the nape of my neck. "Gee, not that you mention it, I dunno'. But I can tell you this! Lady Tsunade said that _I was perfect _for this mission." I chimed. Taking the scroll out of my big pockets on my over coat, I pried open the scroll and read the mission's objectives and details, with Iruka peering over my shoulder to read them as well.

**Objectives: Play Therapist**

**Details: **Because of your bluntness and your tendency to tell the truth even though it hurts. I chose you for this mission which is to be a Therapist/Pshcologist to the people of Konoha. There has been many depressed people and many people who just **need help. So I proposed that you become the new and official Therapist of The Hidden Leaves. You're first mission for TODAY is to listen to Konohamaru's problems and decipher what he should do about them. I can't have this city in a wreck. So it's up to you Anko Mitarashi. Best of luck... Hell, you're gonna' need it. (You'll haveto forgive me. My pencil's lead broke... so I finished this breifing in pen as you can see.)**

Anko's grip on the scroll became tighter and tighter until her nails literally ripped through the thick canvas paper. She turned around to face Iruka who had a sour looking expression in the features of his face. "Grrr!" Anko growled. Iruka finally burst out laughing and didn't stop. "Shut the hell up, Iruka!"

"Y-You? As a therapist! Ha, ha, ha, ha!" He scoffed. Anko looked towards the sky and ranted at the top of her lungs, "Why fucking me!"

*Tsunade's Office*

"Stat report, Lady Tsunade." Shizune announced. Tsunade took a sip of her sake and nodded her head, "Alright. Let's hear it."

"Anko Mitarashi. Seen with Iruka Umino. She was seen reading the scroll containing the information and yelled to the sky 'Why fucking me'. Then she balled it up."

Tsunade nodded her head and sheepishly stated, "Good. Very good."

*Anko's house*

_-knock, knock-_

"The door's fucking open! Come on in.". She shouted throughout the house. The door slowly opened to reveal none other than a sobbing Konohamaru.

"H-Hi, S-Snake Lady." He stammered through sobs. Anko slapped her forehead and sighed, "What the hell was I thinking..."

"And that's Anko-sama or Mitarashi-san to you baka!" Konohamaru nodded his head and continued to cry, but stood at the door. Anko watched him for atleast a minute and uttered in an annoyed voice, "Well? Are you just gonna' stand there or come in so I can get this mess over with?"

"Y-You have t-tuh invite me in." He whined. Anko rolled her eyes and sighed, "Now who the hell told you that? Just walk in, kid." Konohamaru cried, "G-Grandpa did! Wah!" He cried even harder. Anko sighed heavily and pinched her temples.

"C'Mon in and tell Aunty Anko, what's wrong." Konohamaru walked in and flopped down on the love-seat couch, grabbing a pillow and crying into it. "Aww... Not my decorative pillows..." She pouted.

"I-I miss grandpa! I miss em' so much! I can't believe I won't ever see em' again!" Anko sat down on the couch across from the love-seat and chimed, "Well of couse you will, kid!" Konohamaru sniffled and his lips curved into a small and hopeful smile, "R-Really?"

"Yeah! When you die, then you'll see him!" The Rookie ninja's smile faded and he burst out crying even louder. Anko twitched and covered her ears, "What? What's wrong now? Suck it up okay!"

"And stop the damn crying! This isn't the Konohamaru, I know! What are you? Five or something!" Konohamaru's crying stifled and he wiped his eyes, "Sorry, Anko-sempai... Can I ask you two questions?"

Anko nodded her head and slurred, "Well that's one right there, that you just asked. And I said to call me, Anko-sama OR Mitarashi-sama. Anko and Sempai do not mix well! Just like green tea and milk don't mix well... But some idiots seem to drink it. Okay!" Konohamaru nodded his head and pouted, "Hey! No fair! That's not a question is it?"

Anko giggled and sassed, "There was your second question. Now Ithis session is over." She rose up from her seat and grabbed Konohamaru by his hand. "Thank you, please do NOT come again and don't forget to take your complimentary lolli-pop! Ta~Ta, now!" She led him to the door and pointed to the bowl filled with assorted lolli-pops and different types of candy. "One lolli-pop per session, too. Those shits cost money."

Konohamaru was mumbling, "But! But!"

"Ah, Ah! No buts! Now see ya' kid!" As soon as he grabbed his lolli-pop, Anko opened the door and pushed him out.

She let out a sigh of relief and wiped fake sweat off of her fore-head. "Boy! What a day..." Anko sighed.

Frantic knocks were heard on her door and she yelled, "Anko Mitarashi is not here at the moment! Leave a messege at the beep. Beep!"

"Anko-sempai! What kind of therapist are you! That wasn't even atleast ten minutes! You suck at this! You really do! And you were a bit mean! Honestly! You should just stick to being a Chunin Proctor!"

Anko glared and shouted, "Hey kid! I gave you enough time and all you did was cry!"

"I thought you said, Anko wasn't here!" Konohamaru teased. The violet haired woman rolled her eyes and Konohamaru shouted, "And another thing! These lolli-pops suck!"

"Hey, kid! Atleast you stopped whining!" She yelled back.

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**Now this is the time where you read this little A/N and then review!... Please? Hehe! **

**Haha! What did you all think of this first chapter? I worked hard on it, so please tell me what chu all think! Was it funny? Were the people themselves? What did you think? Tell me please! Kumi-chan really, really wants to know!**

**Tell me, would you all go to a therapist like Anko? Hehe, but hey, it was her first day on the job!**

**Next chappie is her SECOND day on the job! Featuring Iruka, Sakura Haruno, Jiraiya(Pervy-Sage) AND dun dun dunnnn! Chouji! There will be unexpected events! Humor! Lots and lots of Humor! Some Drama! And expect Anko being her usual self! Oh yessuh! And another character: Shikamaru Nara makes a guess appearance!**

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**Anko: Yeah bitches. So what do ya' all say? Like it? Like it not? *strikes a pose* You better believe it! Anko Mitarashi!**

**Naruto: Hey! Crazy Snake Lady! Stop stealing my phrases! **

**Anko: Oh yeah?**

**Naruto: Yeah!**

**Anko: ... **

**Naruto: Heheheheh!**

***Anko grabs a kunai and cuts Naruto***

**Naruto: Hey!**

**Thanks For Reading!**

**Don't forget to click the review button! I'm counting on it! Anon reviews excepted as well! I really need some more reviews people! Haha!**

**See you all next chappie!**

**Tobi-Is-Fluffy-Chan/Kumi-Chan**


	2. Three Idiots but a Thank You

**Hey! Here's the next(and extremely funny, weird and just down-right wrong) chappie to Anko The Therapist! Heheheh... A lot of... Peculiar and weird.. Not to mention hilarious/humorous things happen in chappie number two. **

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed, favored and suscribed!**

**Answers to reviewers:**

**Well, first, Thank you for the review.**

**SnowKid: Anko is very, very valuable... but Iruka can't help himself... we'll see if he atually gets to touch her... hehe**

**Jerrie: *huggles* Hey gruhh! Thanbks! P/M ya' later cuppy-cake!**

**TahSenjuu: Oh! That's okay! I speak spanish so I knew most of what you said :3 Thanks!**

**LeMemeFox: Thanks! Haha, I tinkk I remember seeing that commercial... Hehe Geico haha**

**Daki-kun: *huggles* *_* Thanks! Anko isn't too terrorizing heheh! Beware of her in this chappie though..**

***Gives out cookies***

**Thanks for the reviews! :3**

**And guest appearances are... Drum roll please!**

**Guest Appearances:**

**Iruka Umino (audiance claps)**

**Sakura Haruno (audiance claps... Some boo and other cheer)**

**Jiraiya! (We all hoot and hooler and cheer our fucking lungs out)**

**Sasuke Uchiha! (Audiance claps and cheers; the girls go crazy)**

**Chouji Amechi! (Everyone cheers)**

**And Shikamaru... Nara! (*silence* one person claps)**

**Shikamaru: Whatever... You all are troublesome anyways...**

**And our MAIN character!**

**Anko Mitarashi! (Everyone goes wild)**

**Oh, and we have one extra special guest, here... Who only appears in one portion of this chappie... Hehe, and it's just down right wrong... We won't reveal him just until the end. You all can figure out who it is...**

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_**Disclaimers: I DUNN OWN ANYTHING! My sempai and hero, Kishimoto-sama owns. Not Kumi-chan!**_

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**Now, let us introduce this chappie! Here to help us is the main character, Anko!**

**Anko: Hey. Welcome to this next chapter... **

**Chapter 2: Baka! Baka! Baka!... Arigato...**

**(Idiot! Idiot! Idiot! ... Thanks..)**

**Written By: Kumi-chan/Tobi-Is-Fluffy-Chan**

**Starring:**

**Anko Mitarashi**

**Etc**

**P.S: I warn you... you may be a bit disturbed by Anko's mind... hehe or you might laugh your asses off.**

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-Knock, Knock-

*silence*

-Knock, Knock, Knock-

*Snore... Snore...*

Anko stirred in her sleep as Iruka knocked on her door. His knocks became more frantic and louder. "What hell is taking her so long to answer?" He whispered scratching his dark brown hair that was held into a pony-tail. Iruka knocked once more... Well he banged on her wooden door... Poor wood.

Anko narrowed her closed eyes and grabbed onto her pillow, using it to cover her ears. She then curled up into a ball and buried herself in her blankets.

"Argh!" Iruka grunted. It got to the point where he tapped his foot impaitently, glared at the poor wooden door _and _crossed his arms over his chest.

The violet haired woman smiled to herself. She was having the best dream ever.

*Anko's dreamscape*

*Nom, Nom, Nom*

_"Keep the dango coming, servant!" Yelled Queen Anko. She was on her **twentieth** box of dango. Anko the current queen of the Great Five Nations sighed heavily and continued to stuff her face. Second later, her servant who looked uncomfortable in his "monkey suit", came back with a box of cotton-candy flavored dango. He placed the box on the cherry-wood end table and bowed, letting a sigh escape his lips. Anko patted his dark brown hair and chimed, "Well done, Iruka. Now open this box and that'll be all." Her servant none other and Iruka Umino removed the lips from the box and bowed once more. "Oh and Buck-O?" Anko slurred, tossing a piece of dango in the air and catching it with her mouth. Iruka turned around and answered, "Yes, Lady Anko?" Anko smiled mosdestly and sighed, "Call for my male courtezan, Ka-Ka and tell him to prepare and perform a strip show for me." The queen waved him off and continued to chew and savor the sweet taste of her dango. _

_"Woof." Sighed Anko's "pet". _

_"Ahh! There's my baby!" Anko teased to Sasuke who was on all fours. He had whiskers drawn on his cheeks with a sharpie marker, a cute button nose that was colored in with pink paint and fake cat ears that was glued to his hair; not to mention a studded collar that was wrapped around his neck. He looked annoyed out of his nmind and he looked like he'd kill himelf just to get out of this lucid dream. _

_"You must be sick... I'm pretty sure cats don't fucking woof." She sneered. Anko then clicked her tongue in annoyance. Sasuke rolled his onyx colored eyes and then crawled over to where she was lounging at and laid down in the spot. _

_*Mean-while*_

_"Hmph." Grumbled Iruka. "How could she have Kakashi as her stripper? No fair..."_

_He opened the doors to the palace's throne room where Anko lounged around with her pet, Sasuke, chowing down on dango. _

_"Ka-Ka will be here in any moment now, My Lady." Iruka quietly announced. As he left the room, Anko clapped her hands in merriment and got the most smugest smile ever. She popped the rubber-band that held her violet colored hair into a sloppy-bun and her hair cascaded down to her shoulders. _

_"What a thick mess." Sasuke sheepishly remarked. As Anko ruffled her finger through her hair, she glared at Sasuke and retorted, "At least I don't have hair that looks like a duck's ass and at least I know the difference between a dog and fucking cat..." _

_Sasuke glared back at her and mumbled, "Touche."_

_She smirked and slipped off her silk kimono, throwing it somewhere (of course, it landed on her weird human cat, Sasuke) and looked down at her under garments: a tight-fitted fishnet, mesh shirt and a mini black-skirt. She smirked and sat back down on her throne, bouncing in excitement. _

_The doors to the throne room burst open and some guy with an extreme tan and a dark green sweat-suit came jogging in. He was breathing heavily and had two dumb-bells. One in his left hand and the other in his right hand. He was lifting them up and down while jumping and striding side-to-side. Anko sized him up and down and pinched the bridge of her nose in annoyance. "Uh.. Excuse me peasant. I'm expecting someone... I may be the queen, but right now, I'm taking a break. So don't come telling me your crudy problems about the water or how the live-stock needs to be fed or how there was a break-in or how there was a 'snatch and run' at the local corner store. Just send your problems in a letter as spam to my servant, Iruka Umino. Okay? So scram. Now." She sheepishly said to him. _

_"Lady Anko! This will take but a second!" Anko rolled her light brown eyes and sighed, "Fine. Get on with it!"_

_The man flashed her a one million dollar smile and struck a pose, giving her a 'thumbs-up'. A glint of light shined on his teeth and made them sparkle. "You won't regret it, my Lady!" He beamed in a strange heroic AND husky voice. _

_Placing the dumb-bells on the floor and taking out a scroll, he placed it out by his side. He opened it and performed some hand-signs. _

_"Summoning Jutsu: Ghettoblaster!" He shouted. In a poof of smoke, a ghettoblaster appeared and he pressed the button to turn it on. _

_An upbeat and techno intrumental song started to play and he snapped his fingers along with the beat and bobbed his head. "What do ya' think of this little beat, my lady?" He questioned. Anko shrugged her shoulders and paused to listen to it, "Eh. It's catchy... What do you think of it, Sasuke?" He sighed, "It's not to my liking." Anko nodded her head and looked back up at the man. He had horrible blonde hair and muscular features in his face... And the most bushiest brows ever. "Wait a second', just who are you?" Anko finally asked. _

_He smiled and said, "The name's G-G... Some people call me Party Boy"_

_"Oh." She retorted. Anko patted her lap and glanced at Sasuke. He sighed and rose up, sitting on her lap like a real pet. The violet haired woman started to pet his chicken-butt hair and he fakely purred. _

_"Get on with your act, G-G." Anko ordered. He smikred and nodded his head. _

_"This song... It sounds so good. It make you want to..." He trailed off. The queen nodded her head impatiently and screeched, "Make you want to, what?"_

_'G-G' paused for a moment and beamed, "I like how this sounds. It makes you want to party! In fact it makes me want to party! So youthful!" It only took those words for Anko to know that it was none other than Might Guy... Guy-Sensei. _

_Anko's eyes widened and she screamed, "Your name's not G-G! It's Guy!" Guy ripped off the blonde wig and threw it to the ground, revealing his bowl-cut hair style. He then started to prance around in a circle and burst out dancing. He started to do the 'I'm Sexy and I know it' dance which was basically thrusting your hips in place... As if you were humping something. Guy was humping the air. Anko's eyes widened once more and she yelled, "Where the hell is Kakashi! Why the fuck are you here? My eyes! Stop thrusting, Guy! Stop humping the air! Oh! The agony!" _

_Guy smirked and unzipped his sweat-suit's jacket, throwing it on the floor and he grabbed Anko's hands, making her stroke his chest. He rubbed her hands all over his chest and chimed, "Kakashi got sick with the flu, so I'm filling in for him." Anko snatched her hands away from his chest and hollered, "No! Put that damn jacket. BACK. ON."_

_Gai started to fist-pump and frowned, "Aw! What? You don't like my chisseled features? Kakashi does that and you're all over hit... Plus in my opinion.. He's getting some flab..."_

_Guy smirked and exclaimed, "Let's pump up the party!" He ripped off his sweat-pants just to reveal himself in a speedo-thong... Plus he had a huge buldge filling in the "balls-sack" of that type of underwear. _

_Anko and Sasuke's eyes widened for the third time. Guy started to 'back it up' and he was shaking his ass in Sasuke's face. _

_*Dun, Dun, Da, Dun-Dun-Dun, Dun. Da, Dun, Dun, DunDun!* (the techno song)_

_Sasuke's expression:_

_(O_ _ _o)_

_Anko's mouth LITERALLY hit the floor. She leaped out of her seat and grabbed the empty boxes of dango. She tossed and flung them at the 'Party Boy'. Surprisingly, every box she threw... Hit his butt-cheeks. Guy grinned and his eyes started to sparkle. "Oh... Lady Anko! I didn't know you like it like that!" He continued to shake his ass and he started to slap his butt-cheeks. "Sasuke! Don't just stand there! Help me!" She frantically whispered. _

_The boy rolled his eyes and stood up, grabbing the first object in his reach which was his "kittie-bowl" that was filled with dog-food. (strangely... He was a 'human-cat' that woofed like a dog... Right?) He flung it and it all landed on Guy's chest. He rubbed the food in and licked his fingers. "So you like it, too Sasuke? Huh?" Anko twitched and she started to run who-know's where. Guy smirked and followed her around while prancing, fist-pumping AND twerking at the same time. "Oh fuck! This is a load of fuckery! I gotta' get the hell outta' here! She panicked. Anko headed straight for the door but he blocked it, while starting to do a little dub-step. She turned around and started to slowly back up (into a corner) until she hit the wall. Guy smirked at his opprotunity and was about to grind on the frightened woman but there was all of a sudden loud bangs. _

_*BANG! BANG! BANG!* _

_"What the hell was that banging noise?" Anko asked. She looked over to Sasuke who apprently fainted and to Guy who was looking around for the noise himself. _

*Reality*

-Bang! Bang! Bang!-

Anko winced at the noise and she jolted up. She rubbed the sleepiness from her eyes and wiped the slight drool from her chin and sweat from her forehead.

"What a total nightmare! And here I though it was going to be the best dream ever... With me the queen, Sasuke as my pet, Kakashi as my stripper and Iruka as my servant... Pssh, some dream..." Anko shuddered thinking back to Guy... So disturbing...

The bangs were none other than the impatient and pissed off Iruka. He continued the loud knocks and Anko glared shouting, "Hold up! Damn! I'm coming!" She stood out of bed and stretched out, ignoring the slight muscle spasms she received. Anko slowly walked out of her room, passing the bathroom, the small hall-way, and then the small kitchen. After cutting through her living-room, she got to the door and opened it. Iruka was just about to kick the door but he stopped when it opened and whistled as if he did nothing and as if the day was modest.

Anko put her hands on her hips and and seethed, "Damn Iruka! Knocking on my fucking door like you're the police or Anbu-force! What the hell do you want? Not to mention it's so damn early in the morning!"

Iruka scoffed, "Early? Anko, it's two o' clock in the afternoon! And if you must know, I'm here because I- - -"

He stopped talking and gawked at her sudden appearance. She was leaning on the frame of the door with her hands on her hips. A stunning, crooked smile was plastered on her fair-toned face. Deep colors of scarlet red heated up on Iruka's tanned face. Hell, he blushed so hard that it spread all the way to his neck. Iruka glanced down at the short kimono, that Anko wore and his eyes widened. Her thighs and legs were all out in the open and even glistened in the dim lightings that the apartment's hall had...

She snapped her fingers over and over in his face and yelled, "There's no damn explanation down there! And what the hell are you staring at!" His head automatically snapped up and Iruka mumbled, "Make yourself decent Anko! And if you must know why I'm here... Konohamaru told me what happened yesterday a-and... I'm here to talk about it!"

Anko pursed her lips at his explanation and walked back in the apartment, with Iruka slowly trailing behind... Watching her hips sway as she walked. The violet haired woman flopped down on the couch, while Iruka settled down on the love-seat sofa.

"You were saying?" She sighed, staring at the ceiling.

"Well... Konohamaru said that you said he'd see his grandpa again when he died." Iruka started to say.

"And?" Anko asked, slightly annoyed. The man sighed and groaned, "Anko! At least have a bit more sympathy! Come one, he's only seven years old."

She rolled her eyes and sassed, "So what? Let the kid grow up and be somebody. It's obvious he needs to take the tit out of his mouth and grow up. Plus, it's vastly true what I said. He will see Sarutobi-sama when he dies. Just like when I'll see my old man and old lady when I die, I'll also see you when we're both dead. And you'll see me. Duh! That's how things work."

Iruka scratched the nape of his neck and mumbled, "You have sick a crude mind, Anko..."

She retorted, "That's why they call me Anko Mitarashi! Duh!"

"You know, Anko means sweet red-bean paste. You're not sweet at all..." He remarked. Anko rolled her eyes and shrugged her shoulders. "I can be sweet when I want to."

"Oh yeah?" Iruka dared. Anko flashed him a smug grin and nodded her head, teasing, "You're too uptight." As if Iruka just heard that he has cancer, he gasped, "Me? Uptight? Unbelieveable." Anko smirked and raised her hands in the air before letting them fall down to her sides, "Yes, Iruka. You are uptight. I know that why you really came here. Not to talk about Konohamaru but about how uptight you are and how much you want to break that. I know the solution to that."

"R-Really?" Iruka asked with a glad and hopeful smile plastered on his tan face. Anko snickered, "Haha! I knew that's why you were over here! But... The answer to that is - - -" Iruka narrowed his eyes and impatiently asked again, "The answer is?"

Anko rolled her eyes and her expression turned serious and solemn. "Simple. Get laid."

Iruka's demeanor and his hopefulness slowly faded away. He slumped over and sighed, "T... Thanks for the advice. Anko."

_Time to play with this guy even more_... She thought, getting a devious grin on her face. Standing up and sitting on his lap, Anko wrapped her arms around his neck and stared into his dark brown eyes, softly cooing, "I would have sex with you making you lesser uptight..."

Iruka blushed and stammered, "R-Re- - Really?" Anko smiled and then nodded her head, "Of course Iruka! But, unforunately I have A LOT of patients today. So it's a no-go. See." She picked up the clip-board on her end table and flipped through all of the pages with different villager's names on them. Getting off of his lap and flopping back on the couch, she waved a dazed Iruka good-bye. He wasn't just dazed, he was confused and lost. Every, every lost. Anko smirked at her victory and yelled, "Don't forget to take your complimentary lolli-pop!" Iruka slowly opened the door and picked up a lolli-pop before he left out the door.

"Ahh! Peace and quiet... At last." Anko exhaled before closing her eyes and relaxing into the cushions of the couch.

"Bleh! This lolli-pop is NOT that good!" She could hear Iruka say even though he was out of her apartment and down the hall. She glared and shouted, "Oh yeah! Well whatever! That's the last time I ever think about being a _good _therapist!

Anko sighed and settled back into the cushions of her couch and closed her eyes, in relaxation.

-knock, knock-

"Damn it! Who is at the door?" She yelled.

"S-Sakura Haruno, Anko-sempai!" Sakura mumbled back to Anko. Anko rolled her eyes and hollered, "What do ya' want?"

"I'm here for therapy. Lady Tsunade recommended that I come and talk to an expirenced woman about my love problems..." Anko rolled her eyes at Sakura's response and was about to tell her to come in but there were frantic knocks on the door. "Damn it! Why are you knocking again?" Yelled Anko.

"It wasn't me!" Sakura told her.

Yo' Anko. It's Jiraiya. We need to talk! It's very, very important." Shouted Jiraiya.

More knocks were heard. Heavy knocks at that.

*Munch, Munch*

"Nom, Nom, S'cuse meh, Chouji here and I need help wiff a problem I have. I wazz told tuh come here. Nom, Munch... By the way do chu have any hamm that'll go good wiff this cheese?"

Anko pinched her temples and got up from her couch and opened the door. Sighing and moving out the way so all of them could enter.

"Alright, I'm first." Sakura chimed, about to sit down on the love-seat sofa. Jiraiya gave Sakura a 'tsk, tsk, tsk'. "No, No, No. I go first." Sakura narrowed her eyes and scoffed, "I was the first person here. Don't you think I should go first?"

"No... Jiraiya goes first." Jiraiya chanted. Sakura shook her head 'no' over and over and Jiraiya struck a pose, "Surly you can see why I should go first." Sakura shook her head 'no' again and growled, "No, I don't see why." Jiraiya glared and Anko sighed.

Chouji ignoring them all, found himself in Anko's kitchen.

"You really don't know me do you, Sakura?"

"Of course I know you. You're Jiraiya, one of the three Legendary Sannin."

Jiraiya gave her a 'psshh' and sassed, "Shoulda' done your homework. Jiraiya the Toad Sage falls victor to no woman's genre! Where beauties fall like lotus' in a storm. It isn't in my nature to be dooped by the wiles of women! When you reach the stature I have, the ladies kneel and worship at your awesomeness!"

Jiraiya finished his speech with a 'bang' and struck a pose and winked at Anko and Sakura. He turned to Chouji and inquired, "Eh? What didja' think?"

Chouji simply retorted, "I'm not really a ladies man so I totally don't understand a word what you said. All I heard was _'blah blah blah, women, blah, blah, yap, yap, storm' yap yap' women.'_ Say, Mitarashi-san do you have any cheese?" Asked Chouji. Anko rolled her eyes and replied, "Check the drawer in the fridge..."

Jiraiya was now sulking in a corner and sighed, "No one can match my stature..." Sakura rolled her light green eyes and sat down on the love-seat couch, smiling at Anko.

The violet-hair woman took a seat on the couch and took out a scroll and pen.

"Yada Yada Yada, tell me what's the problem and I'll see if I can find a solution. Let me in your horrible life." She sulked, telling that to Sakura in a monotone voice.

"Well... You see, it all started when I was born. You see, I happen to have a big forehead and I was often teased about it. But then I met Ino and she helped me overcome my problem of insecurity and I didn't care about my forehead. So, later on in my life I met Sasuke and- - -" Sakura kept going on and on.

Anko's mind:

(This is what Anko is hearing as Sakura tells her problem)

Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah~(keeps on going on)

*Reality*

Sakura finally finished her long story about her life and her problem and looked at Anko with hope on her eyes.

Lucky for Anko, she learned how to sleep with her eyes open. Sakura snapped her fingers at the woman over and over until Anko finally jolted up and asked, "And how does that make you feel?"

Sakura grumbled, "Hey! I already explained how I felt! I told you that I know how these things work and the question that you ask the most! 'How do you feel', so I explained that with my story! Weren't you listening?"

"Yeah, Sure I was Sakurako!"

"... My name is Sakura." Sakura quietly said. "Right, I knew that... I... Was just seeing if you knew your own name. And you passed... You know your name..."

"What does that have to do with my problem?"

Anko thought for a moment and lied, "That's a thing up Therapists do..."

"Oh."

"So... What do you think about my- - -" The pinkette began to say.

"Eh, you're cute but your forehead's big. And from the look of your body, you mostly likely got stretch-marks like you got four kids. I think, you should go lesbian for a while."

Jiraiya automatically rose up and his eyes sparkled and drool started to ooze out of his mouth.

"L-L-L! Le-Le- - -" Sakura couldn't even finish her sentence.

Anko smiled modestly and guided Sakura to the door. She was still studdering "L-L-L! Le-les-Le!"

"Thank you. Do NOT come again, have a nice fucking day and don't forget your complimentary lolli-pop. One per session." Sakura grabbed her lolli-pop and walked out the door, still studdering and trying to say the word 'Lesbian'.

Anko exhaled and wiped away fake sweat noting to herself, "Two more to go."

"Alright, dude who is eating the cheese. Let's go." Anko called.

Chouji brought Anko's wheel of cheese and her sharp chedder cheese slices over and flopped down on the love seat sofa and started eating the cheese, block by block and slice by slice. "So fatass- - - I mean, Chouji, what's your problem?" She quietly asked, leaning on the arm of the couch.

"Well, -munch- all of a sudden, -munch- I've been having a problem -munch, nom- with, -nom- eating cheese, -munch, munch-" He told her. Anko rolled her light brown orbs and grimaced, "I can see that..."

"So.. I -nom- want, -munch- help to get -nom- rid of this -munch- problem -slurp-" The Snake Woman face-palmed and then got up, going into a her room. Seconds later, she came out holding a video-casset tape. Giving him a pair of head-phones and a casset tape player and sliding the tape in, and handing it to Chouji, she explained, "Listen to that on that tape. It'll help you with your problem. Trust me." Anko watched Chouji put the head-phones on. She walked to her door and picked up the news-paper outside at her door-step and opened it, flipping through pages.

*Chouji and The Tape*

Chouji chewed and ate the cheese as he listened to the tape.

The tape started to play a strange beat and then a guy started to chant and sing, "I like Cheese. I like Cheese. I like Cheese. I like Cheese. I like Cheese. I like Cheese. IIIIIIIII LLLIIIKKKKEE CHEESE! Cheese, Cheese, Cheese CHEESE, CHEESE, CHEESE! CHEESE! CHEESEEEEEEEEE! IIIIII LAAAAKKKKKKKKK CHHEEESSSE!"

Chouji's eyes widened and he glanced at the cheese in disgust. Dropping it to the floor and running towards the door, "Anko moved out of the way and chimed, "Thank You and do NOT come again. Don't forget your complimentary lolli-pop. One per session." She mused, flopping down on the couch. Turning around to find a still dazed Jiraiya, Anko snapped her fingers and pointed to the love-seat sofa.

As if he were a robot, Jiraiya was about to sit down and Anko proclaimed, "Let me guess. You are starting to realize you have a problem with women."

Jiraiya didn't even sit down and he nodded his head. "The solution to that is simple. Go gay for a day. Thank you and do NOT come again, take the damn complimentary lolli-pop and have a nice fucking day." Jiraiya slightly twitched and gulped, walking out the door. Anko smiled and relaxed into her couch.

"Finally..." She was about to rejoice.

-Knock, Knock-

The violet haired woman rose up and ranted, "Now who the fuck is at the door now!"

The door slowly opened and a dull and slightly lost-looking Shikamaru poked his head in. "Can you not be so troublesome? There is no need to yell ya'know. Kakashi simply asked me drop by and give you these dango, cuz' you have been working hard, I guess... Well, he didn't really say you were working hard... I just added that to sugar-coat things and make you troublesome women feel better." He sheepishly remarked.

"Gee. Thanks." Anko sarcastically remarked. Shikamaru walked in and looked around, taking in Anko's home atmosphere. "Not to shabby." He sighed.

Anko slightly glared and flashed him a crooked smile. "Yeah."

Taking the dango from him, Anko pried open the box and bit into a piece of dango. She grimaced and spit it out on the floor. "Bleh! It's cold! Kakashi knows I like my dango slighlt warm! And it's cherry-flavored! I hate cherry! Let me guess! He told you to go to the dango shop and get some for me! But you failed to listen to what he said would meet my requirement! Ugh!"

Shikamaru sighed and listened as she went on and on.

"Women are so trouble-some..." He whispered.

* * *

**Now here's the part where you read this A/N and review afterwards! Heheheh! What did you all think? I had fun writing this! Oh curse my imagination! Heheheh!**

**Reviews please?**

**Haha. Okay, so I re-read the first chappie (cuz' that's what I do) and I noticed errors. Not spelling and grammar, just general errors. I wrote 'Anko's house'. In this, she has an apartment. **

**Hmmm, I can't seem to remember anymore. **

**But give me your honest opinion on this chappie? Liked it? Loved it? Hated it? Laughed your ass off? Were you thinking what the hell am I reading? Were you disturbed? (A lot of question, I know hehe)**

**Okay. So for Anko's dream: I imagined Party Boy from Jackass. So, I put a crack in there and made Guy like Party Boy! Haha! IF YOU DO NOT KNOW PARTY BOY, GO ON YOUTUBE AND SEARCH UP "CHRIS PONTIUS PARTY BOY JACKASS". I love Chris Pontius. I'd marry that guy! Haha! But there are many imposters of him and reenacters so, look for the original ones. Try Party Boy in Japan(so fucking funny) try Party Boy in Tokyo(That one is hilarious but the video quality is bad) and try Pary Boy overall OR watch original Jackass episodes to see him. If I find out exactly what episodes they have the 'Party Boy Bits in, then I'll let you all know. **

**As for the I Like Cheese thing. Two words(- - - not those two hehe): Loiter Squad. **

**IIIII LIKKKKEEE CHHEEESSSE! That is my favorite show! Featuring Tyler, The Creator, Taco! Jasper! Lionel! And... That's it. Other than those people, that's all. Excluding extras. But anyways, check it out hehe. **

**Oh and for the song that Guy danced andstripped to is: Party Boy Theme Song(Jackass) Search it up on youtube and it sounds like something in a retro bar. I can't post the link here. **

**Now, as for Anko's therapy lessons: I wrote the first thing that came to mind! No lie! Haha**

**Next chappie features: Hinata Hyuga! Ino Yamanaka! Kakashi Hatake! And... Ton-Ton!**

**Crowd: Ton-Ton? **

**Kumi: Yeah, Ton-Ton hehe. **

**Anko: Oh brother. What fuckery. **

**Shikamaru: Even I have to agree... That will be trouble-some. **

**Kumi: Ya' know what Shikamaru! Ginkaru and Kinkaru should steal your soul word: Trouble-some, record it and suck you in!**

**Shikamaru: Huh?**

**Kumi: o_o *covers mouth* SORRY! Pay no attention to that comment!**

**Thanks For Reading!**

**Kumi-chan/Tobi-Is-Fluffy-Chan**

* * *

**Anko: And now! Welcome Kumi-chan again to sign the featured song of this chapter!**

**Kumi: Okay, so as a response to Anko's comment, "Damn Iruka! Knockin' on the door like you're the police!"**

**Here's a song!**

**-Rasta Voice-**

***Black Cop, Black cop, what them a do? What them a do when em' step on poo poo, Black Cop Black cop, what them a do? What them a do when em' step on poo poo!***

**Kumi-chan: PO PO! Is filmed on location: IN THE HOOD!**

**Hehe**

**(Loiter Squad)**

**See ya' Next chappie!**


	3. Deodorant Can't Fix Ugly

**Sup, people! Here's the next chappie(I got A LOT of people saying that hehe) of Anko The Therapist. I don't think it's as funny as I wanted to be but that's just me! Dunn let that stop you from reading! But I say that because: It's motivational for the people featured in this chappie. **

**Ahh, References, References, References. I finally remembered what else I wanted to say about the last chapter. But, you can all check that out at the end of this chappie. (MUST READ, eh. Not really, but you should!)**

**Answers To Reviewers:**

**Snowkid: I warned you haha. That chappie was very, very weird and peculiar... But in a good way!... I guess.. And yes, Anko has the most craziest dreams EVER. It's normal for her to dream up things like that... Esp. Sasuke as her pet :3 Thanks! I was counting on that being funny! Thank you a lot! Eh, Shikamaru's like that hehe you gotta admit it too. **

**Jimmy: Hi! Haha, Thanks a lot! I know, The first time I heard 'I Like Cheese' which was when I first watched Loiter Squad, I laughed my ass off. And now, I sing that song whenever. Chouji went right along with it! It'd make you want to hate cheese from the way Tyler, Jasper, Taco and Lionel is singing it! Haha**

**LeMemeFox: *o* Thanks! Hehe, I'm a sucker for the word 'Epic'. Eh, no attention was needed for Iruka, he fit along with the chappie since Konohamaru's teacher. Yeahhhh, Kakashi's gonna' be up in this... Heheheh... But chu can imagine him AS a stripper right? I knoww I can ;D. Anko wanted some rest... But this may be the longest that she actually gives attention to her paitents. Haha, you'll have to read on to find out what happens *nugdes with shoulders* Eh? Eh? Haha!**

**Daki-kun: *claps hands* Hehe, It was that funny? Yay! Just imagine him as Party Boy, and you'll know what I mean haha! Guy-Sensei... *sighs and wonders* Lol, thanks! *o* And GOOD job on za chappie! *squeals* Ichigo!**

**Jerr: Lmao! *huggles* Thank chu! I'll msg cha' later! Your in the hospital! Yeah cuppy-cake! Loiter Squad! Thanksssss! Loves chu too gurhh!**

* * *

**Now, todays guest stars!**

**Kakashi Hatake! (Crowd claps loudly and cheers. He plays the most funniest role, I'd have to say)**

**Rock Lee! (Woo! He's funny as well, but kind of uh, kooki. Hehe, eh, he's just being himself)**

**Hinata Hyuuga! (Crowd goes wild. She's most motivational.)**

**Ino Yamanaka! (*silence*)**

**Ton-Ton!( Woo! Woo! Yeah! Crowd goes wild)**

* * *

**And our main character: **

**Anko Mitarashi!**

**Anko: Yo. Welcome to the next chapter. *eats Cinnamon Flavored Dango***

**Chapter 3: Shoshu no keisha wa minikui shusei **

**(Deodorant Can't Fix Ugly)**

**Written By: Kumi-Chan/Tobi-Is-Fluffy-Chan**

**Starring:**

**Anko Mitarashi**

**Kakashi Hatake**

**Ton-Ton**

**Rock Lee**

**Ino Yamanaka**

**Hinata Hyuuga**

* * *

_**Disclaimers: I OWN NOTHING! Kishimoto-sempai owns EVERYTHING!**_

The violet haired woman slumped over and exhaled deeply. Today had been very tedious for her... First of all, she had to attend a meeting about the Uchiha kid. Then she found out that the Dango Shop was closed, so she settled in for ramen at Ichiraku Ramen; just to be annoyed by Naruto Uzumaki... Some how she ended up in a ramen eating contest with him... And she lost. After that, curtesy of Lady Tsunade, she was sent on a D-Rank mission which was delivering a scroll to Sunagakure and after that, she STILL had much more work to do.

Therapist work that was.

Anko sighed once more and started to walk up the stairs that led to her apartment complex. She finally made it to the hallway of the complex after two flights of stairs and stopped half way to her door.

_Kakashi? What the hell is he doing at my door? _Anko thought. She slightly blushed, thinking of him. The Copy Ninja held a brown box in his hand and stood in an awkward postition. "I'd have to say... This is the first time I seen Kakashi... Like _this_..." Anko whispered to herself, scratching the nape of her neck.

Slowly walking up to her door, Kakashi abruptly turned around to face her. His one eye that was revealed, looked half-crazed... It was usually aloof looking... His onyx colored eye was blood-shot and he had heavy bags.

"Geez Kakashi... What the hell's got you looking all, uh... Weird?" The woman slurred to him as she put her key in the lock. Kakashi gave her a small smile and laughed nervously. "I hope this isn't too late... But I have a real dilemma that needs to be solved... And word on the streets are... That you are the person to come to..." He explained.

Anko stared at him for a second and slapped her forehead. With a few twists and turns, her door was unlocked and she opened it, leading the way for Kakashi.

Kicking off her sandals and taking off her large over-coat, Anko relaxed a bit before taking a seat on the couch. She pointed to the love-seat sofa and Kakashi took a seat, letting out a quiscent and heavy sigh as he felt the soft and fluffy cushions of the love-seat settle in on him. He placed the box on the glass end-table that sat in front of the two of them.

"Nice sofa..." He murmured, loud enough for her to hear. Anko gave him a quick nod and picked up the clip-board and flipped through the pages. "So... Uh, what's in the box?" She asked, with curiosity in the depths of her voice.

Kakashi carefully opened the two flaps of the card-board box and inside revealed the complete series of _Icha Icha_, including the spin-off series, _Icha Icha 2. _Anko's light brown eyes lit up with stars and she hovered over the box filled with 'Make-out Paradise' books.

"T-This is the whole series?" She questioned, gawking at the books. Kakashi nodded his head and chuckled, "Heheheh... Yes. It is. Guilty..."

Anko slapped her cheeks together and exclaimed, "No way! How did you get your hands on it! Jiraiya hasn't even released Icha Icha 2! Spill it Kakashi! Spill it!"

Kakashi smirked and shrugged his shoulders, chiming, "They're drafts from Jiraiya. Not the official... Just yet."

Anko calmed down and cleared her throat. *Ahem* "So... Why are you here?"

"Well... I wanted to get an opinion on if... If I read Icha Icha _way too much._"

Anko thought for a second and smirked, "Too much? No, no, no! I read Icha Icha too much! I read them as bed time stories! So there's NO way that, that is true."

Kakashi's whole face turned shades of light pink. "Well... So do I..." He lowly stated.

Anko's cheeks lit up as well and she yelled, "For real? No way! I never knew that! I mean, Iruka's lame as fuck, Asuma's TOO busy chasing after Kurenai, Genma's too busy drinking and being a pedophile and Shizune and Tsunade... Well, their always busy. You have a team, Kakashi! Yet you still have time to read Icha Icha like _that_?"

Kakashi chuckled again and scratched his thick head of silver hair. "Guilty, again."

Anko beamed, "Dude, you're fine!"

Kakashi grinned and blurted out, "W-Will you marry me?"

*Silence*

Anko gulped like there was a baseball stuck in her throat. Her whole face glowed colors of scarlet red and she was about to answer but, Kakashi took out one of the Icha Icha books and hugged it to his chest.

"You will? I'm the happiest man now!" He peck the cover of the book with his lips that was covered by the mask he wore and he beamed, silently to himself.

*Silence*

Anko slumped over as imaginary rocks hit her over and over on her head. "Ughhhhhh!" She groaned.

"Is there something bothering you, Anko?" Kakashi asked with a worried expression glued to his face. She nodded her head and answered, "Life."

He glanced at her for a second and placed his book back in the box. "I'll see you later, Anko." He told her as he walked to the door.

"Thanks for coming... Don't forget your compliementary lollipop... One... Per session..." She stammered.

Kakashi nodded his head and smirked, "Why of course." Before he could leave, he glanced at the empty bowl. "Anko? There's no candy in this bowl." He sighed.

_So that might explain why Chouji had a lot of candy... Oh well. _Kakashi thought to himself.

"Say, Anko?"

"Yes. Kakashi." She said in a monotone voice.

"Why don't we go get dango and sake together sometime?" He chimed to her.

She shrugged her shoulders and nodded her head.

"Great! Then it's a date!" He quietly told her. With those words, he left out the door.

A few seconds later, Anko jolted up and was blushing madly. "Date!" She exclaimed.

*Moments Later*

"Cho-Cho-Chouji! You stole all the fucking candy!" She yelled at the ceiling.

Anko sighed heavily and fanned herself. "Damn it's hot in here... Let me crack open a window..." She whispered to herself. Standing up from her seat and stretching, Anko made her way to the large window and pried it open. She closed her eyes and smiled at the breeze that flowed in.

-Thump-

Anko's eye's snapped open just to reveal none other than Rock Lee. She winced and fell back on the hard-wood floors, landing flat on her butt. Anko glared and ranted, "What the fuck do you think you're doing? Jumping on the window seal and everything! Ever heard of a door? And why are you dressed exactly like G-Guy?"

Rock Lee placed his hands on his hips and apologized, "My apologies, Anko-sama! I am a student of Guy-Sensei! We're youthful!" Rock Lee them gave her a 'thumbs up' and flashed her that SAME one million dollar smile that Guy would give to her and others.

Anko twitched and she yelled, "Okay, first of fucking all, Stop smiling like that! It reminds me of Guy... So much. Second of all, what are you two? Brothers? Twins? Third of all, I ask you AGAIN! Why didn't you use the damn door! Are you not human?"

Rock Lee pouted and then beamed to her, "Guy-Sensei thinks that doors are lame! Entering through windows is what's cool now-a-days!"

Anko narrowed her eyes, "No! It's not fucking cool! You scared the shit out of me! Not literally... But almost... What are you here for?"

Rock Lee jumped off the window seal and strutted over to the love-seat sofa. "I am here... FOR LESSONS ON HOW TO BE COOL!" Rock Lee announced, clenching his right fist and giving Anko the most determined look. His eyes sparkled and he teared up.

All the violet haired woman did was face-palm.

"You could atleast help me up, ya' know! I landed straight on MY ASS!" She screeched, as she pursed her lips at the boy.

"My apologies, Anko-sama!" Rock Lee apologized again as he ran over to help her up. Anko stood up and started to rub her butt as a way to soothe the sting she got. Peering in the long mirrior that hung on the door leading into her bedroom, Anko pouted and whined, "Because of that fall... My ass looks flat! Now how am I gonna' tease Iruka and impress Kakashi!"

Rock Lee's expression:

(._.)

"Hmph! Let's get this over with..." She trailed off, plopping down on the couch. Her light brown eyes widened and she jumped up. Her butt stung VERY BAD. Taking a fluffy pillow and sitting on it, she shifted around trying to find a comfortable spot.

"I want to be cool! Just like Sasuke! And I want to win the heart of the love of my life!... Sakura Haruno!" He announced once again. This time his eyes lit up in flames.

"Oh... The fuckery..." She sighed as she rolled her eyes. Anko crossed her arms over her chest and squinted her eyes. "You _really, really _want to know how to be cool from my perspective and point of view?" She question in a serious and solemn tone. Rock Lee nodded his head quickly and brought out a scroll and a pencil.

"How to be Cool from Anko-sama's perspective and point of- - Can I just write the acronym P.O.V, Anko-sama?" He asked, pausing his writing. Anko glared and snapped, "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Taking notes!" He beamed, giving her a 'thumbs up'. She clicked her tongue in annoyance and snatched the scroll and pencil from Rock Lee, and tossed it out the window.

"Taking notes is for noobs and fuckers. That's not cool. And another thing, why fall for Sakurako? I mean... No offense to the chick but that forehead is huge and she's too infatuated with the Uchiha kid. Plus there is this annoying bitter rivalry that she has with the blonde... Mino or something like that... Uh, Ino! That's her name." Anko slurred, leaning on the arm of the couch. "Plus that Uchiha kid isn't _that _cool. Why be like him?"

"Sakura's name is Sakura, not Sakurako... All of the girls fawn and become infatuated by him! He's so cool! So what do I do to become like him?" Lee asked, bringing out a note-pad and pen this time.

Anko gawked at him for at least a minute and then sassed, "Guy look alike. This is a fucking therapist office. Not some fucking mentor shit."

Lee pursed his lips and remarked, "Actually... This is just your house. And you seem to be very unyouthful with that mouth of yours. Maybe you should listen to one of Guy-Sensei's Youthful Speeches! And attend his Youthful classes! You'll learn a lot, Anko-sama!"

The violet haired woman smirked and retorted, "There's no way to get you down and make you leave is there? ... Well, I suppose this is a problem. Okay. First of all, you can't cry at my critque or comments. Trust me, from your fucking appearance, you'll need to listen. And my comments are coming to you harsh. Got it?"

Rock Lee nodded his head and bowed, "Thank You Anko-sama! I am truly in your debt!"

"Yeah, Yeah, Yeah... Kid, you better take good notes." She told him.

Anko stood up and started to pace around the couch. "Your hair. What the hell is up with it? What the fuck did you do, huh? Get a bowl, place it on your head and cut your hair with scissors?" She questioned. Rock Lee sweat-dropped and laughed nervously. "How did you know?" He asked, writing down everything she said.

"Oh... The extreme fuckery..." She whined, slumping over.

"So does this mean my hair isn't cool?" He questioned. Anko nodded and Rock Lee wrote down, "My hair isn't cool."

"Do I have to make it like Sasuke's for it to be cool? I think I can get a hair cut and slick some gel on- - -"

"No! Why on fucking earth would you want your hair to look like a duck's ass? Rock Lee, just lose the damn Bowl-Cut. It's not cool. Or cute. Plus you resemble Guy, too much... I thought you were him for a second. I was about to push you out that damn window and run for my life... Ya' See... Say you were to kiss a girl, right? You'd look too much like Guy... And the girl would be traumatized because she'd think that she just kissed him..." Anko explained.

Rock Lee started to write again and looked up at her. "Now, those damn eyebrows of yours. Too fucking bushy. There are wax treatments ya' know."

"Wax treatments..." He wrote down.

"That horrible jump-suit. And that color green. What the hell were you thinking?" Rock Lee shrugged his shoulders and continued to take notes.

"Lastly, that fucking youthful shit. It's weird."

"Being youthful is... Weird?" He questioned.

"Not really... Just the way you and Guy mention it." Anko retorted. She took a seat and slurred, "You need serious work and a little make over."

Rock Lee nodded his head and espied, "After taking in all of these notes, I concluded that I am nothing like Sasuke Uchiha! But with hard work and determination, including youthfulness, I will become cool... Just like him!"

Anko rolled her eyes and remarked, "Like the experts such as myself say, _Deodorant Can't Fix Ugly. _Which means just applying one thing doesn't change the facts. In lighter meaning for the retards and complete idiots, putting on deodorant doesn't change the fact that you're ugly. It just makes you smell better. Get it?"

Rock Lee thought for a second and gave her smile, "Yes. I get it... So I have to put on more than just deodorant and gel to make myself more handsome and cool!"

Anko twitched and grasped clumps of her hair, "No! No! No! You- You... Ugh! Being like Uchiha doesn't make you cool! And-And... Oh forget it! Just forget it! Have a nice fucking day and do NOT come again. And if you see Chouji, tell the fatass to pay me 200 ryo for the fucking candy!" Anko ranted.

Rock Lee gave her 'thumbs up' and flashed her the "Guy-Sensei Smile".

"You can count on my youthful self to deliever the messege to Chouji! Thank you for such a meaningful session, Anko-sama!" Rock Lee started to cry just like Guy and he grasped her hands, leaning on one knee, "You are so youthful and amazing! Such a nice and intelligent teacher! Amazing! I will take all of this knowledge and apply it to myself!" Anko rolled her eyes and slurred, "Yeah, Yeah, Yeah."

Rock Lee leaped up and jumped out the window.

*Sigh*

_Finally that kid is gone... It's like talking to a brick wall... _The violet haired woman thought to herself.

She sighed once again and leaned back into the cushions of the couch, cocking her head back and staring at the ceiling.

-Knock, Knock, Knock-

"E-Excuse me? A-Anko Mitarashi-sempai? I-It's Hinata Hyuuga... I'm here f-for a Therapy S-Session..." Hinata quietly said.

"Come in, the door's open." Anko simply said.

The door slowly opened and in walked a blushing Hinata. "I-I apologize... For t-this being on such a short notice..." She said in a hushed tone again. Hinata bowed her head and glanced through her bangs at Anko. She started to play around with her fingers and stared at the floor.

"Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. It's fine. Come. Sit." Anko sheepishly replied, pointing to the love-seat sofa. Hinata walked over and sat down, staring at her hands that rested in her lap.

Anko yawned and aloofly stared at the Hyuuga. "So what are ya' here for?"

Hinata was silent for a moment and gulped, "I-I... I-I... I think I am overly shy... D-Do you have any tips on how to be c-confident? I mean... I see g-girls like Sakura Haruno a-and Ino Yamanaka... Including T-Temari of The S-Sand and T-Ten-Ten... They are so confident and very vivacious... I-I think I want to become like that... Also... I have a major crush on someone..." She trailed off, blushing madly. Hinata blushed so hard that it spread all the way to her neck. You'd think that she had a huge and heavy fever.

"Okay, first of all, you gotta' break the damn studdering. Second of all, why do you wanna' be like Sakurako Haruno and uh, Mino, I mean Ino Yamanaka? Do you want to be all loud, obnoxious and have a bitter rivalry with someone?"

"N-No..." Hinata whispered on the verge of tears. "I-I... I-I'm sorry..." She murmured.

Anko face-palmed and sighed, "What are ya' apologizing for? You did nothing wrong. I mean, I'm just saying. You should just be yourself. And please don't tell me you got a crush on Sasuke Uchiha like every girl in Konoha."

Hinata shook her head 'no' and wiped a small tear that formed in the corner of her left eye.

"Don't cry, kay'? There really ios nothing to be afraid of or to be ashamed of. Just relax and make eye-contact. It's rude not to. Plus, I'd like to know who it is you like to be exact. Or else, I can't help you and it'd just be a waste or your time and definetly a waste of my fucking time." Anko cracked her neck and cracked her fingers, sitting up and staring at Hinata.

Hinata shook nervously and looked Anko in her light brown eyes. "I... I... I like... N-Naruto..." She admitted.

Anko smirked and nodded her head. "I could sense that you did... Hmm, it's also obvious that you need to break your shell and tear down that brick wall of yours... Everyone has flaws, cuz' we're all human. But you gotta' work on somethings. It's cute to blush... But Naruto's a bit dim-witted. So I can tell that he'd think that you have a fever or something. Plus, he is a little impatient shit-head, so you'll have to learn how to get to the point when you talk to him. Ya' know... I find it such a surprise that you like him... After all, most of the villiage did shun and treat him like shit before... But that's changed now, I guess. So try to conquer his heart! He could really use a chick like you, Hinata!" Anko chimed, flashing Hinata a warm smile.

Hinata smiled back and bowed her head, "Thank you..." She whispered.

"You also gotta' know what he likes. Do you know?" Anko questioned, sitting criss-cross on her couch.

"N-Naruto love ramen and the color orange..." She told Anko.

"Ramen, eh. Well everyone knows that. You should try to support his beliefs and stuff. Now about your confidence, I'm not gonna' recommend the corny shit that other therapists tell you to do like write down a list of special talents and shit like that. And I'm also not gonna' make you do exercises and all of that crap. Just be yourself, smile and learn to talk without studdering. Like, get to the point when you talk instead of stalling and flustering. Kay'? Do all of that and you should be good." The violet haired woman told her.

Hinata smiled and bowed her head. "Thank you... A lot, Anko-sempai."

Anko nodded her head and waved Hinata off. "Okay, yeah, Thanks for coming, blah, blah, blah. See ya'. We're all out of lollipops and candy too. So bye."

Hinata smiled and left out the door.

"Excuse me, Hinata" yelled Ino as she burst into Anko's apartment.

"Oh goodie. Mino's here." Anko sarcastically beamed. "Woop-de-doo."

"It's Ino." Ino said through gritted teeth.

"I'm sorry, Mino. Did you say something?"

Ino rolled her cerulean colored eyes and sat down on the love-seat sofa.

"I have a major problem! Do I really look like a pig? How do I win Sasuke over? Do I portray myself as the dumb blonde? This s a crisis! Please, Anko-chan help me!" Ino panicked.

"Anko-chan? No, no, no. None of that girly shit, please. And one fucking problem at a time. Damn!" Anko hollered, pouting a bit.

Ino inhaled and exhaled deeply and played around with her blonde and short ponytail. "I heard that Sasuke liked girls with long hair... So I grew my hair out... But then I cut it. Do you think that was wise to do?" Ino question, glancing at Anko with uneasy eyes. Anko pinched her temples and whined, "Not another 'win Uchiha' over conversation... Look, kittie. Does it look like I know what the hell the Uchiha boy likes? I'm not some pedophile snake lady who prays on younger men. If you'd like to know... I like my men hot and older..."

Ino's eyes widened and she blurted out, "You're... A cougar?"

Anko gave her a death glare and shouted, "No! I do NOT like old geezers! I like men like Kakashi and maybe Iruka! Not... Ugh! Why the hell am I telling this to _you_?"

"Look, I'll give you the same advice that I gave to Sakurako or whatever pinkie's name was. Go lesbian for a while. Then the Uchiha will get turned on and he'll chase after you... Heheheh... It works... On some people..." Anko advised, getting a perverted look engraved in the features of her face. She scratched her thick head of violet colored hair and smirked smugly.

"Go lesbian? Bleh!... Wait a minute... How do you know it works...?" Ino retorted as she tilted her head in wonderinf fascination.

Anko's smirked turned into a frown and she yelled, "N-Nevermind that! Just uh... Do something... Um, find out what the Uchiha kid likes, other than the long hair and shit. Pssh, if you ask me. I think he's homo or something. Either that or he just doesn't like girls... But beware... He might have a fetish for licking things, now..." Anko licked the palm of her hand and stared at the ceiling.

"Licking? Why?" Ino asked again.

All Anko did was shrug her shoulders and she retorted, "I dunno. You ask him yourself..."

But she knew they answer to that question. Being bitten by Orochimaru was the answer... He'd get some snake-like habits going on soon enough.

Ino nodded her head and left out the door.

The violet-haired woman exhaled and she rose up from her couch, stretching her tired muscles. "What a day..." She blurted out.

-Knock! Knock! Knock!-

She glanced at the clock that rested on a small table. It said: 10:05 p.m.

"I'm closed!" Anko shouted.

"This is very important, Mitarashi-san!" Shizune said, with urgency in her voice.

-oink-

Shizune happened to be carrying Ton-Ton as well. Anko slumped over and yawned, opening the door.

"Yeah?" She said waiting for Shizune to say something.

"Right! Ton-Ton has been acting very weird after spending a day with Lady Tsunade. I'd like for you to give her some therapy, please." Shizune explained, holding out Ton-Ton to Anko.

Anko slurred, "Give Therapy. To a pig?"

Shizune nodded and gave her a faint smile.

"Come in..." She trailed off. "But make this quick..."

Shizune nodded and paced into the apartment, setting Ton-Ton on the love-seat sofa and she stood next to the arm of her couch.

"Explain what happened, Ton-Ton." Shizune told to her pig.

Ton-Ton nodded and started to noise, "Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink."

The pig paused for a moment and sighed before continuing, "Oink, oink! OINK! Oink! Oink, snort, Oink."

"Okay, I understood nothing Ton-Ton said. So uh, translate? Cuz' I do NOT speak pig." Anko sighed, stating the obvious.

Shizune nodded and explained, "Well, Lady Tsunade and Ton-Ton spent the day together while I ran errands. So... Lady Tsunade had a few drinks of sake and she tolded Ton-Ton that she was going to make her into bacon... So now Ton-Ton is creeped out as well as frightened..."

Anko glanced at the ceiling of her apartment and simply said, "That won't ever happen. Get over it, Ton-Ton. She was just being humorous but failed to get a few laughs or snorts from you. Simple as that."

Ton-Ton nodded her head and hopped into Shizune's arms. "Thank You, Mitarashi-san. And Lady Tsunade has informed me that you will get a reward of some kind, after treating everyone in Konoha who is in need of your expertise and help." Shizune said, walking to the door. "Ton-Ton and I wish you a good night."

Anko sighed as they left and locked her door, heading to take a shower. Boy, was she glad the day ended.

* * *

**Hey! Hehe, how was this chappie? Funny? Not funny? Okay? Did ja like it? Did you hate it? I would love to hear honest opinions! So please review! Hehe!**

**Oh yessuh and I wanna thank everyone who reviewed as well as favored and alerted!**

**Is this chappie late in getting updated? I planned on updating every three day... But for some reason, I've been sleeping ALL day but I've been up ALL night. My sleeping conditions has changed, oddly. I apologize to anyone that I delayed, any P/Ms I delayed as well. So today, I woke up at exactly 7:55am and I had a HUGE cup of DELICIOUS coffee and I jammed to some music and wrote this and typed it! Hehe. **

***sings***

**I fly like paper, get high like planes, if you catch at the border I got VISA's in ma name!**

***smiles* That's that Paperplanes by M.I.A, haha!**

**Now, references!**

**Jiraiya's speech about women and his stature from last chapter. Who can forget that? Naruto,(Not Naruto Shippuden) episode 84, before Jiraiya "battles" Itachi and Kisame of the Akatsuki! (Love them both)**

**PO-PO song: From Loiter Squad people! It came from the PO-PO bit with Tyler, The Creator and it was either Lionel or Jasper. They filmed a parody of 'Cops' the television show/documentary. I love me some Loiter Squad. **

**And that's all I think. See, I forgot again, haha. **

***wonders***

**Anyways, Thanks For Reading!**

**Reviews, pweddy pwease? Hehe! And I'll try to update in the next three days!**

**Next chappie's guests: The snot kid that's apart of Rookie 9 with Konohamaru and Moegi, I forgot his name (Shame on Me), starts with a 'U' I think? I'll figure it out. Then there's Asuma Sarutobi, Neiji Hyuuga and anyone else you all want to see? Tell me in a review! Haha! Oh and I might put in that date with Kakashi and Anko! *winks* or should it wait til' later? Tell me people! Tell me what chu all want!**

**Thanks for Reading!**

**Kumi-Chan/Tobi-Is-Fluffy-Chan**

**P.S: I have a lot on my hands so if I don't keep my promise of an update in 3 days, then scold me as much as you all want! I promise I won't rant at you or tell you off!**

***Looks Innocently***

**Hehe, I'm also busy working on new chapters for my other stories as well as upcoming oneshots, but most importantly getting Love, Jashin and other Sh*t back up and running. This story and that one are my main priorties right now. **


	4. Surprise Ninja!

**Hey people! Here is the next INSANE chappie of Anko the Therapist. Chapter number four! And I say insane, because it is insane! Not to mention weird, peculiar and humorous! I promise that! And it has been FOUR days since I last update! I apologize! I needed time to think this one through! **

**And we have MANY more guests than before! Many more people making appearances! Heheheh! You'll all find out whom exactly! Haha!**

**Reviewers:**

**Disco Beat That's Disco Baby: Woah! Annabel! Long time no see OR talk! How's chur journey been? Chu doing well? And thanks! Haha! Canada is awesome and I DO NOT just say that because I'm Canadian... It's awesome, kay'? Take Care, chick! Oh and thanks! You might like this chappie!**

**Jimmy: I have to agree with ya' dude. Last chapter wasn't my best... But I worked on this one and it might just meet your expectations this time! Hehe!**

**Daki-Kun: *Gasps* Chu changed your name? It took me a while to think who that was lol! But I likeyyy! Thanks! Oh, you might just laugh your ass off with this chapter! It's as weird as chapter 2... Hahaha!**

**SnowKid: Yay! Pig talk! Haha thanks!**

**Jerr: Yay, cuppy-cake! *huggles* Thank ya!... Lee's cool... Heheheh... In a cynical way... XD just playing. He's awesome! Haha!**

**LeMemeFox: Nice kid talk! Haha! Now, this contains Kakashi/Anko date... But no Oro-kun or Tsunade! I want to save them for the best stuff! But thanks for chur ideas! I got some inspiration from them! :D Yes... Kakashi... Does lead people on like that; Haha, Anko did warn him it would be coming down harsh! Haha, yes... So, so, so true...**

* * *

**Now, today's Guest stars!**

**Genma! (Hehe... He's a LITTLE OOC just for the beginning...)**

**Kakashi Hatake! (Crowd goes wild)**

**Iruka Umino! (Crowd Claps)**

**NARUTO UZUMAKI! (Everyone goes wild, cheers their lungs out and claps until their hands BURN)**

**Neiji Hyuuga- - (Crowd cheers)**

**Kumi: Hey! I didn't get to finish!**

**Crowd: ?**

***Neiji rolls his eyes* **

**Neiji: My COUSIN! Not me! MY COUSIN! Why on earth would _I _have problems? Why on earth would I go to a therapist... Like _her_? No offense. **

**Anko: Eh, None taken. Yo, Kumi, continue on. **

**Asuma Sarutobi! (Crowd cheers)**

**And SURPRISE guests! WHO WILL NOT BE REVEALED RIGHT now... Hehehe! **

* * *

**And our main character!**

**Anko Mitarashi!**

**Anko: Hey. Welcome to the damn chaotic and insane (insanely funny) chapter four of Anko (Yeah, that's me!) The Therapist. **

**Chapter 4: Odoroki no Ninja!**

**(Surprise Ninja!)**

**Written By: Kumi-Chan/Tobi-Is-Fluffy-Chan**

**Starring:**

**Anko Mitarashi**

**Etc**

* * *

**Disclaimers: I do NOT own anything! Kishimoto-sempai owns it all! Except the following: Stuff. **

* * *

*Huff, Huff*

_Damn it! Which room did she stay in again! _Panicked the man with shoulder-length dark brown hair. He continued to sprint down the hallway of Mitarashi's complex, with _him _on his tail. Genma's brown eyes darted to the wooden door and he stopped, immediately, banging on the door.

"C'mon Anko! Open up! I need your help!" He shouted. The door swung open, just to reveal an elderly, old woman. Her turquoise colored eyes widened and her mouth hit the floor. The bags under her eyes disappeared and her wrinkled face, gained even more wrinkles. "O-Oh my! Oh my gawd! Who- Who the hell are you? Who is Anko?" She shouted. The woman stared down at Genma's naked body and her eyes narrowed. "Pervert! Pervert! Curse the damn young generation these days!" She reached for her cane and attempted to whack the young man with it, but he evaded the attack and held his hands up in defense.

"Look old lady! I thought this was Mitarashi's apartment! C'Mon! C-Chill out! There is a highly -ouch- explanation -ouch- for why I am naked!" Explained Genma, as she finally got the opportunity to beat the shit out of him with her cane.

_"Where are you, motha'-fucker? Where are you?"_ Called out the elderly man. His voice sounded hard, cynical. He raced down the hall and stopped, pointing to a Genma, getting whacked with a cane. _"I found you!"_ He shouted.

Genma's eyes widened and he screamed, running further down the hall. All of a sudden, a door busted open and out stepped a really annoyed Anko Mitarashi. She rubbed the sleepiness from her eyes and slurred, "What the hell is all that damn racket? Can't a woman get some sleep around here?" Genma stepped in front of Anko and shouted, "Anko! You gotta' help me! Let me in!"

"Genma...?" She assumed. The violet-haired woman opened her eyes and yawned, looking down at his manhood. She smirked and slurred again, "Oh, what a weird dream... Hehe... Genma... Naked."

Genma's eyes widened and he groped Anko's breasts. She let out a high pitched scream and yelled, "So this isn't a fucking dream?... GENMA! WHY THE HELL are you running around NAKED!"

"No time to explain! Let me in!" He yelped, glancing down the hall, at the man who chased after him. He was now walking, not running... Menacingly!

Anko followed where Genma's petrified gaze rested and her eye-brow winked up. "Who's the fucker, walking menacingly down the hall?... And why is he dressed like tha- - -" She started to say.

"Never mind that Anko! Let me in your FUCKING apartment! I said I'll explain later!" Anko rolled her light brown eyes and sassed, "Fine... Come in..." She walked back into her apartment and Genma followed, quickly shutting the door.

"So you wanna' explain what the hell is going on...? And why are you so, loud and scared-looking? That's not how you are..." She said.

Genma took a deep breath and he sat down on Anko's love-seat sofa, placing the medium sized pillow over his manhood area. "Yes, I know... I'm usually relaxed and calm... But that guy... So damn creepy... Anyways, a while back, I met a girl at a bar and we took it to the next level... Turns out this whole time, she's been married." He articulated, in his usual relaxed and laid-back tone.

Anko nodded her head and gave him a 'Tsk, Tsk, Tsk'. "See, I warned you men not to pick up floozies at the bar... Now that jackass out there is fucking angry. Lemme' guess, he finally returned home, just to find you in bed with his wife." Anko hissed, narrowing her eyes at Genma.

Genma rested his elbow on the arm of the love-seat sofa and he laid his head down on the palm of his hand, sighing and nodding 'Yes'.

Anko's accusation was confirmed and she walked into the kitchen, taking out a full bottle of sake, pouring the liquid into two glass cups.

"I could really use a drink..." He whispered. The violet-haired woman handed the cup full of sake to him and also gave him a senbon from out of her holster that was laid down on the counter-top.

"Thanks." He murmured, taking a long and meaningful sip from the drink.

Anko nodded her head and sighed, "Yeah. Whatever."

All of a sudden, her door burst open. The man who was extremely tanned, had jet-black hair, hairy arms and big buck teeth, glared daggers at both Anko and Genma. His eyes were the color of brown. Not just any brown. What Anko liked to call, _"Shit Brown."_

Her lips curved into an amused smile and she crossed her arms over her chest.

The tanned man wore many articles of clothing, which was flare-legged hamakas (pants), a tank top, kimono top, a vest, and a white colored robe, a large over coat, some socks and standard wooden sandals. And on top of his balding head, was a turban head-dress.

His facial features were quite muscular, he had a small beard growing and a large mole resting on top of his forehead.

His eyes were blood-shot and he looked half-crazed.

Taking in all of his appearance, Anko finally burst out laughing; hesterically at that.

Finally, the man seethed through gritted teeth, "What is this?"

Anko wiped a tear that formed in the corner of her left eyes and sighed heavily asking, "Can I help you?"

The man reached in his pocket and took out a piece of plastic. He held it in the air and glared at Genma. "Yes, what is this? This is whack! You getting jiggy wit' my wife, eh? Where's your damn wife, mother-fucker?" Anko snickered and started to say, "Genma has no wife. This is my apartment, so you know- - -"

The man interrupted Anko and yelled, "You look like this playa-hater's wife! Give me my damn wife back right now and why he use plastic on her? Huh?"

Anko smirked and burst out laughing again, sighing, "Look dude, Genma isn't my husband and that what's in your hand is a _condom. _People use it to have protected sex. So, how do you know it was Genma's huh? Is it yours? Genma you used that?" She explained and asked to the both of them. Genma shook his head 'no' as fast as he could.

"I don' use no damn plastic! Kiss my ass, so what?" The man sassed.

The violet-haired woman held up her hands and said, "Okay, okay, calm your loud ass DOWN. Lemme' see that _plastic._" She grabbed a tissue and took the condom from him and held it up in the air, just to reveal a _huge _chunk of the condom ripped off. "Damn, sir... Hehe, what, have you been chewing on this shit before you got here?" Anko inquired, smirking a bit.

The man narrowed his eyes and ranted, "Bullshit, mother-fucker! Do you know who you are fucking with?"

The violet-haired woman started to rub her chin, in deep thought.

"Your Guy-Sensei..." She guessed.

"No. Mother-fucker!"

"Some guy who lives in Sunagakure?"

"Try again, Mother-fucker!"

"Orochimaru in disguise."

"Try _again, _Mother-fucker!"

Anko rolled her eyes and thought one more time, chiming,

"Just an ugly ass, heavy dressing mother-fucker who is annoying the shit out of me, at this very moment!"

The guy clenched his fist and pointed a finger at Anko, hissing, "I'll go _postal_ on this mother-fucker!"

Anko slapped her forehead and placed her hands on her curvy hips, sighing, "Man, get your hostile ass out of my damn apartment. The door's that way." She pointed to the wooden door and waved him away.

With slow steps, he turned around and scowled at Anko and Genma. Before he was about to leave, he took the liberty of knocking down the small book-shelve near the door and whispered loud enough for her to hear, "Ol' bitch."

He also happens to say that at the same time as Asuma Sarutobi walked in. The man was too busy glaring at Anko, he ended up bumping into Asuma. "Get the hell out of here!" He shouted, grabbing the man's collar of his over-coat.

He stared into Asuma's dark eyes and started to shake, whimpering, "I-It's okay! I just scold my wife and use plastic for now on. I can get jiggy with this!" Asuma rolled his eyes and threw him out the door.

"D-Don't hit me! I'm just a bitch ass man with a cheating wife! Don't hurt me!" He exclaimed, retreating away.

Asuma kicked the door shut behind him and walked over to the love-seat sofa, sitting next to the naked Genma. He glanced at Genma and asked, "What the hell happened to you?"

Anko answered for him. "This guy over here's been dating that bitch ass man's wife and he finally got caught. So that dude who you just scared the shit out of, chased him around, naked! And he oh, so decided to come here and then that fucktard started ranting out at me about his damn wife!... Plus he said mother-fucker... _A lot_..."

Asuma nodded his head and slapped Genma on the back, "Tough luck..."

"Genma... I'm going to say this once..." Never get me in some shit like that ever again."

*Moments Later*

"So, what brings you here, Asuma?" Inquired Anko, as she examined her clear-polished finger nails.

Asuma hesitated for a moment, scratching his head full of black and slightly spiky hair. "W... Well, I have a problem, which is talking to Kuranai and asking her out... You know?" He finally admitted.

Anko's lips curved into a smug grin and she exclaimed, "Of course! I know that's the only reason that you'd come here, to _my _therapy. Enlighten me on what's been happening, Asuma."

Asuma sighed and took out a cigarette and a lighter, "You mind?"

Mitarashi shrugged her shoulders and sighed, "Knock yourself out.". As he lit the cigarette, he then got to explaining, "Well... When I'm around Kuranai... I just feel... Different. I really, really like her a lot. I mean she's beautiful, intelligent, has a good sense of humor and a nice body... Just don't tell her I said that." After those words, he took a small huff from the cigarette and released the fumes.

"Well, just be natural." Anko simply said. Asuma shook his head over and over and questioned, "What the hell is natural?"

She rolled her light brown eyes and combed her fingers through her thick ponytail and murmured, "You and Iruka are similar to each other when it comes to impressing a girl... Say, Asuma. I can't help ya' now... So come back later, with Kuranai."

Asuma's eyes widened and he yelped with an astonished expression, "W-With Kuranai?... ! You've got to be kidding me, Anko!"

He face-palmed, earning a smug smile from her. "Nope! I'm not kidding! Bring her here, later on, kay'? Now buh-bye! Have a nice fucking day and you know, the usual..." Anko chimed, showing him to the door.

She let out an exhausted sigh as he closed the door and she then smirked. Her eyes darted to the clock that hung on the wall which read: 11:45 a.m.

All she had was three hours left until her and Kakashi were going to go out. Anko was extremely excited... Not to mention extremely nervous. She had little butterflies, flying around in the lower pit of her stomach.

_I guess... I always like Kakashi like this... _She thought.

Just then, there was a knock at her door. Anko was reluctant to answer, but she still did. It was none other than Neiji Hyuuga. He had a small and respective smile on his pale face and he bowed his head in the presence of Anko.

"Good after noon, Mitarashi-Sama." He remarked to her. Anko nodded her head, reprimanding, "Oh, hey Hyuuga. What brings you here?"

Neiji smiled and held out a small box. Anko closed on eye and pointed to the box.

"It's a gift of cinnamon-rolled dango, topped with sweet custard sauce, Mitarashi-Sama. It's a gift from the Hyuuga household. Just the way you like it... Slightly warm and packed with flavor." He explained, handing her the small gift.

A blissful and satisfied smile crept into the features of Anko's face and she rejoiced, "Really? Thanks a lot! And why are you- - - wait a minute, what's the catch?"

Neiji sweat-dropped and smirked modestly with chagrin. "Well... My little cousin is in need of therapy."

The violet-haired woman stomped the floor and shouted, "I knew it! I just knew it!"

The Hyuuga held his hands up, trying to calm her down and he laughed nervously, "Well you see... He's been a bit peculiar and zoned out, ma'am. Please do understand! We though he could use some of your negativity and harsh thought just to snap him back into reality."

Anko paused her anger for just a second and scoffed, "Negativity..."

"Wait... So this means I get to say whatever to the kid? Anything?"

Neiji nodded his head.

Anko grinned deviously and she rubbed her hands together, chuckling like a maniac. "Let the torture begin! Bring the brat inside my dungeon!"

Neiji's eyebrows furrowed and he inhaled and exhaled, snapping his fingers. Down the hall came sauntering a little boy who looked to be about nine years old. He was very pale-skinned, a little lighter than Neiji, had the same ultra-violet colored eyes that every Hyuuga had and he had dull brown hair that was short. The boy also happened to wear big glasses and he had light pink cheeks.

His facial expression was just plain... Dull. He looked like he was in a daze and just looked to be really introverted and basically dead. He resembled the 'Walking Dead'. He wore a small, basic kimono top with light purple shorts and standard sandals that he continuously dragged against the wooden floors of the hall way.

Anko's devious look faded and her expression twisted into confusion and plain boredom.

"Gee Hyuuga... I didn't know the kid was like _that._" She noted, crossing her arms.

"Well... He is..." He trailed off.

Five minutes later, the boy finally made it to her door and slumped over, staring at a small ant the crawled on the floor. "Renji Hyuuga? This is Anko Mitarashi. She is going to talk to you and give you therapy. Okay?" Neiji slowly told the boy. Renji slowly nodded and then quietly said, "Okay... B-But when she is done doing whatever she is about to do... Am I allowed to use my palms on her?... And possibly injure her?"

Anko's eyes widened and she was about to rant off and blow up a storm but Neiji gave her a look and he whispered, "No, Renji. She is assisting you. Trust me, she is very _nice_ so there is no need to... I'll be back to pick you up in a little while. So relax as well." The little boy nodded his head and walked inside the apartment, looking around.

Anko crossed her arms over her chest and glared sternly at Neiji.

"Well, I will indeed be back to pick him up later... And whatever you do... Don't kill him." Neiji advised, transporting away. Anko glared and walked inside her apartment, closing the door shut behind her.

Renji was by the love-seat sofa, turning the lamp on and off, on and off. Anko rushed over to him, sassing, "What are ya' trying to do? Kill my electricity?"

Renji looked up at her, fixing his glasses back in the right position on his face and he calmly retorted, "No... But I would not mind killing that ant that is about to climb on the box filled with dango..."

Anko rolled her eyes for the millionth time today and sighed, "Yeah. Go ahead and bring it here when you are done."

Renji returned seconds later, setting the box of dumplings on the table, sighing as well, "its okay. No ant got in the box."

The violet-haired woman nodded her head and pried open the box, picking up a stick of the cinnamon-rolled dumpling. She licked her slightly chapped lips at the sweet laid out before her.

Taking a bite, Anko moaned at the taste, savoring the warm and cinnamon-flavored dumpling with each chew.

Renji sat down on the love-seat sofa and leaned back into the cushions, whispering, "You never know if the dango is poisoned..."

Anko stopped chewing and spit out the remaining pieces that were in her mouth and yelled, "Poisoned!"

Renji let out a sigh and shook his head 'no'.

"It was a joke." He simply retorted.

"Ha."

"Ha."

His expression:

(-.-)

Anko twitched at his monotone laughter and she thought, _Okay, this brat is totally creeping me out..._

"My sempai likes you." He blurted out, scratching his light and dull brown locks.

Anko was about to say something but Renji said again, "His name is Iruka. He thinks your boobs are huge."

Anko was about to reply but Renji blurted out _again, _"I will use my Byakugan to peek through your shirt and see your breasts. Iruka-sempai said he would want to do that."

Anko's eyes widened and she giggled nervously, "Heheh... Gee, Renji... You sure are..." She couldn't even finish her sentence.

Renji pointed to the couch that she sat on and sighed, "That looks like the couch that Gramma' threw up on..."

Mitarashi nodded her head quickly and yelled, "N-Neiji!"

"Cousin cannot hear you... Stupid." Sassed Renji.

"Ahahaha..." Anko laughed fakery again, shifting uncomfortably on her couch. "Look... Kid... Um, is there **any **particular reason that you are... Being like this?"

Renji smiled and then frowned, "Not that I know of."

Anko nodded her head and leaned forward, offering, "Uh, want some dango?"

"It is poisoned. I told you that before... But it was a joke. No thank you. I hate cinnamon."

Anko sighed and looked around her apartment, attempting to find a way to get distracted until Neiji returned to pick the kid up.

A few minutes later, her attempt for distraction failed.

All of a sudden, a light bulb went off in her head.

_Sleeping with my eyes closed! Duh! _

"I know how... To sleep with my eyes closed, too." Renji bawled, playing around with his fingers. "W-Wait... Uh, how did you know- - -"

"That... Is something... That you do not need to know." He quietly said. Renji hopped off of the sofa and sighed, stating the obvious, "It seems like I am not receiving any therapy, any time soon... I think I will just go in your room and play with your underwear... I mean, explore your room."

Anko had no idea what to say. She was creped out, confused, lost, including a bit scared. She had no choice but to shrug him off and let him do him.

*Later On*

"So... Uh, how are you doing, Kakashi?" Asked Anko. She scratched the nape of her neck, staring at the ground as her and Kakashi walked through the busy streets of Konoha.

The Copy Ninja shrugged his shoulders and smirked under his mask, "Eh, I've been good? Heheh, you know it's only been a lot of hours since I last saw you... So not much has actually happened... And I'm sorry again for being late... Heheh... I'm known to lose track of time..."

"Oh."

That was all she could say. A heavy sigh escaped her lips. Anko... Like before was extremely nervous and excited at the same time.

They walked on for what seemed like forever until they reached a bar. "Well, here we are." Kakashi quietly chimed, opening the door for Anko. She quietly thanked him and walked on inside the restaurant, grabbing a seat at a booth. Kakashi followed suit and sat in a seat across from her. Their eyes met for a second and quickly looked away from each other.

She could tell... Kakashi was just as nervous as her. "Waiter! I'll take sake!" Anko yelled, flashing Kakashi a smug smile. He raised his hand in the air and shouted, "Yes. Same for me. Sake. Matter of fact, bring a whole bottle. My date and I enjoy... Drinking." Anko had to laugh.

As soon as the waiter returned with their ice-cold bottle of sake, Anko grabbed a cup and poured it all the way to the top, and chugged it all down. She hiccupped when she swallow and exhaled, leaning back into the booth's chair.

"That really hit the spot..." She murmured. Kakashi smiled and chirped, "You know... If you abuse the liquor, I might just have to take advantage of the situation and rape you... It could also be a good time fore me to try out some of those scenes in _Icha Icha_..."

Anko gulped, blushing madly and nearly choked on her second cup of sake "W-What? D-Do what?"

"Just joking! Just joking!" He beamed, chuckling a bit and scratching his head.

Anko sweat-dropped and slumped over, nodding her head.

"Anko? Is something the matter?" Kakashi asked, leaning down to get a look in her eyes. Anko quickly pinched them shut and laughed nervously, "No! No! Nothing's wrong!" She pointed to a silly smile on her face and continued, "See! Everything's fine! Hahaha..."

Kakashi nodded his head and chimed, "Alright!" He pulled down his mask, taking a small sip from his cup of sake.

_Wow... Kakashi... _Anko thought, watching his every moves.

"Stalker-much?" He asked, smirking.

"What? Oh, ha-ha! No..." She retorted, slightly blushing and looking away from his gaze.

*Mean-while*

**-Iruka's Point of View-**

Huh?

I was walking through town... Coming from the Academy and I saw Anko and Kakashi... They were walking together, side-by-side and things seemed a bit... _Fluffy_ between them. I wonder what was going on...

I had to get a closer look and hear what was going on. I slowly started to walk, trailing behind them, trying my best to hear.

"Ya' know... Kakashi you have such a sick sense of humor..." Anko giggled. She was smiling an awful lot. Kakashi was smiling too... Even though he had on a mask, I could still tell.

"Well, enlighten me how." He retorted.

Anko smirked and slightly blushed, "The other day, you... Asked a certain question... That surprised the shit out of me and then, it turns out you weren't actually talking _to me_."

Kakashi paused to think for a moment and he sighed, "Ohhhhh... That question... Well, heheh, unless you want me to ask it to you this time..." He trailed off, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his black pants. Anko flustered for a moment and shook her head 'no' as fast as she could. "Ha-ha... Not really necessary, Kakashi..." She whispered.

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and chimed, "Okay! Just ask me when you're ready!"

GAH! Just what the hell was Kakashi talking about! Anko? Blushing? No! Don't tell me...

**Regular Point of View**

"Hey! Iruka-Sensei! What are you standing in the middle of the street for? Are you a street performer or somethin'?" Naruto questioned, scratching his head full of blonde spikes. Iruka was so caught up in his own self-conscience, he didn't even know that Naruto was right next to him, on top of the roof of the shop that Anko and Kakashi walked in. "Hey! Iruka-Sensei!" Naruto shouted, snapping his fingers in front of the man's face.

"And just what are you doing on top of this roof anyways? Are you a owl or somethin'?" Naruto asked again, this time tapping him on the shoulder.

The Knuckle Head Ninja let out an exhausted sigh and smirked, digging his hand into Iruka's right pocket, taking out his wallet. He opened it and exclaimed, "Hey! 400 ryo! It must be my lucky day!" Naruto pocketed Iruka's money and tossed his wallet to some random part of the roof; after that, he whacked Iruka on the head with his clenched fist. The tan man finally snapped out of his self-conscience and let out a wince. He glanced to the right of him, just to see a grinning Naruto.

"Oh, hey Naruto." He said, glancing down at the ground, on the look-out for Kakashi and Anko.

Seconds passed and Iruka shouted, "N-Naruto! What are you doing here?"

"I'd ask ya' the same thing, Iruka-Sensei!" He sassed back. Iruka face-palmed and sighed heavily, peering back over the roof. He was just in time too. Kakashi and Anko had just left out the shop.

"Huh? Why is Kakashi-Sensei holding hands with the Crazy Snake Lady! Just what the heck it going on here?" Naruto shouted. Iruka panicked for a second and clamped his hands over Naruto's blabbering mouth, muffling his shouts.

"Keep quiet. Or you'll get me caught..." Iruka whispered.

*Mean-while*

"Hey, Kakashi... Can you wait here for a second? I got some business to tend to. It'll only take a quick second'." Anko told to Kakashi.

She chose to stop at corner store. Anko walked inside, and walked right out... Carrying a loaf of bread.

"Anko? Why do you have bread?"

"I'm gonna' whack the shit out of Iruka. He's been spying on our date the whole entire time... That fucker." She told him. Anko smirked deviously and poofed away.

-The Roof Top-

"Mmmmm! Mmmmm!" Naruto mumbled. Iruka was sweating like crazy. Naruto indeed was going to get him caught... The blonde licked Iruka's hand, leaving a trail of saliva in the process. "Gah! Naruto! You licked my hand!" Iruka yelled.

"You covered my mouth!"

"Only to keep you quiet!"

"Ya' Know, Iruka-Sensei... I'm beginning to sense that you're a pervert like Pervy-Sage... And that you like the Crazy Snake Lady."

"What! Naruto, don't be ridiculous!" Iruka shouted in defense for himself.

He glanced down, only to see Kakashi, leaning against the wall of a building.

_Huh? Where did Anko go? _He thought.

"Surprise Ninja!" Anko yelled, swinging the bagged loaf of bread, around and using it. It smashed on the side of Iruka's cheek and the impact was so hard, that he fell off the roof.

-Thump!-

Naruto's mind:

K.O!

"Hah! That was so cool how you did that! You were all like 'Surprise Ninja' and he was all like 'What?' And - - -" Naruto went babbling on.

Anko smirked and looked down at a knocked out Iruka, laying flat on the ground.

"Serves you right!" She laughed.

*Later on That Night*

"Just set him right there." Anko told to Kakashi. She pointed to the hard-wood floor and Kakashi placed Iruka right on the floor.

"Hmph... That's where he belongs..." She seethed, glaring at the still passed out Iruka.

Kakashi chuckled and chimed, "Well you had to admit, finding out that he was spying on is, certainly was amusing..." Anko rolled her light brown eyes and shrugged her shoulders, "Yeah... Just as much as it was giving him a 'Surprise Ninja' attack."

Kakashi nodded his head and sat down on the couch, glancing down at Iruka, who laid on the floor with his legs and arms spread out. He also had a huge lump on his head and a huge lump on his right cheek where he got whacked with the loaf of bread.

Anko smirked and sat down, right beside Kakashi, looking at Iruka as well.

"How can bread do all of _that_?" Questioned an amused Kakashi.

He turned around just to be caught in Anko's gaze. She tilted her head to the side and aloofly asked, "What are you lookin' at?"

Kakashi's face neared her face. Their lips were just inches away from each other until there was a frantic knock on the door.

"Damn..." She murmured, rising up to get the door.

She quickly opened it and poked her head out, looking down at none other than Udon. He had extreme snot dripping down his nose and he rushed in, grabbing a tissue from her tissue box.

"Woah, Woah, Woah. Just what do you think you're doing here, Booger?" Anko asked, putting her hands on her hips.

He first, blew the snot from his nose and then snorted, "Well... Konohamaru said I should come here for my problem. My snot problem that is..."

Anko glanced at the clock on her wall.

1:59 a.m

"Do your parents know that you are out this late?"

Udon didn't answer her question. Instead he waved to Kakashi and walked over to the _still _pasted out Iruka. "Awwwww, Iruka-Sensei... Look at that huge lump on your head!" He exclaimed, poking at it. Iruka stirred in his sleep and his eyes fluttered open just for him to see Udon.

"H-Huh? Udon?... What are you doing here?" He sat up and glanced at Kakashi and then to Anko.

She rolled her eyes and whined "This night is just not right! I was just about to kiss Kakashi! Now Booger's here and he won't leave and now Iruka's awake! Damn it!"

"Kiss Kakashi!" Iruka yelled.

Kakashi smirked and nodded his head, while Udon make kissy noises with snot still running down his nose.

"Well, I might as well give you all therapy..." She sighed.

"Cheer up, Mitarashi-sama!" Chimed Udon.

She thought for a moment and then exclaimed, "Well... I guess one thing that was good came out of today..."

Iruka rubbed the lump on his head, thinking back to what happened earlier... But he could remember.

"Say, Anko? What was the good thing that came out of today?" He decided to ask.

Anko grabbed the bagged loaf of bread, exclaiming, "SURPRISE NINJA!"

-THUMP!-

Udon's thoughts:

K.O!

* * *

**And done!**

**Haha! What did chu all think of this chapter? Funny? Not funny? Weird? Fun? Fluffy? Bad? Did ja like it? Hate it? It was okay?**

**Review and tell me pwease!**

**So! How was it? Haha**

**I wanted to add Guy in this and actually do more and have some "Anko therapy" going on, but, towards the end, I rushed it. Sadly I did. I couldn't think straight all because of this damn migraine head-ache I STILL have... And as I type this A/N, it hurts. My brain aches!**

**Well, thanks to everyone who reviewed, favored and alerted! It means a lot to me!**

**For this chapter, I got inspirations from my favorite movie scenes :3 heheh and then from my brain, so yeah. **

**I'll gladly tell you want those movie scenes were, LATER. **

**My head hurts! Haha. **

**Anyways, Thanks for Reading!**

**Stay tooned!**

**You know, the usual. **

**Next chapter guests: I really don't know. Kurenai and Asuma is one, the rest? How about some other people? OCs or something? I don't know. Okay, Orochimaru in disguise is a go... Anyone else? **

**Take Care!**

**Kumi-Chan/Tobi-Is-Fluffy-Chan**


	5. A Date with The Serpent Part 1

**Hey there readers! I apologize the lack of updating! I REALLY had to think this one through! I wanted to concoct an EPIC mission/Mystery going around in Konoha. There is a Part 1 and Part 2 to this, as you know, this is part one. **

**Many more people will be making guest appearances, you know, the whole nine yards. And one OC belonging to JerrieHigarashi16 will make an appearance. Then many people will appear as cameos. So enjoy this chapter. **

**This chapter contains some mystery going around and some "Thing" going around killing people. You know, all that crime scene stuff, investigations and whatnot. Anyways, I made sure to make this as humorous and funny as possible. So enjoy like I said before. **

**Insane, Chaotic, Mysterious, Humorous and so much more describes this. **

**And as usual, I thank those who reviewed, alerted and favored. It really means a lot and keeps me going! Haha. **

**Answers to reviewers: **

**Snowkid: Why thank you! But, "Surprise Ninja" wasn't originally my idea! I can't take credit for it! Tyler, The Creator (one of my favorite comedians and rappers) made it. Preformed on Loiter Squad, ya' know! Haha, I do however take credit for using it in the last chappie :3. Oh yeah, I finally figured out who to add to this. Mostly EVERYONE but, only too many will go into Therapy after the mystery that happens!**

**LeMemeFox: Heheh, I feel a bit guilty for not letting Kakashi and Anko kiss (Anko: Damn right, you should!) But hopefully, they kiss in this chappie... Hopefully. There however is implied romance between the two of them! That, I promise. Yeah, inspiration came for the weird kid from a movie! I'll list down references at the end of the chappie! Enjoy this one!**

**Jimmy: Thanks a lot! Yes, I agree with you. As much fun as it is disturbing the peace, old people are not the ones to mess with. They are more deadly... Haha. Yeah! AMC, love it! Esp. The Walking Dead! Yeah, my ninja! About za turban dude, we'll say he was from Inspiration as well! Haha! I'll list references at the end of this chapter!**

**Jerr: Thanks cuppy-cake! *huggles* Haha... Gotta love old people! There'll be more Anko and Kakashi later on, perhaps more in this epic saga! Yeah, my ninja! Loiter Squad! IIIII LAAKKK CHHEEESSE! Yep, Rikku's gonna be up in this part one! And she makes a cameo appearance in part two! Loves ya too! Enjoy this chappie!**

* * *

**Now, todays MAJOR guest stars**

**Kakashi Hatake**

**Iruka Umino**

**Asuma Sarutobi**

**Naruto Uzumaki**

**Might Guy**

**Sasuke Uchiha**

**Rikku**

**? The Mystery Character?**

**Todays MINOR characters**

**Tsunade**

**Jiraiya**

**Sakura Haruno**

**Shikamaru Nara**

**Shizune & Ton-Ton**

**Anbu forces (they are Cameos that have dialogue)**

**Medical Nins (Same for them; Cameos that have dialogue)**

**Neiji Hyuuga**

**Hinata Hyuuga**

**Etc**

**(A whole bunch of people)**

* * *

**And now, our main character:**

**Anko Mitarashi**

**Anko: ... Get the fuck out of my face.**

**Kumi: *sweat-drops* She's under the weather. She is currently expirencing that fucking horrible time... That stupid shit... Ugh! *takes deep breaths* Yeah, some may know what I'm talking about...**

**Chapter 5: Hebi no bubun Izureka no hidzuke**

**(A Date with the Serpent; Part One)**

**Written By: Kumi-Chan/Tobi-Is-Fluffy-Chan**

**Starring:**

**Anko Mitarashi**

**Etc**

* * *

**Disclaimers: I do not own anything! Kishimoto-semapi owns all of it! Except for the following: STUFF**

**WARNING: This chapter contains PMS-ing, Paradox Arguements, A bit of horror, crude humor, MAJOR language, shitty attitudes, extreme humor, stuff that may be considered Iruka bashing, weird fortunes, weird mysteries, Some murderer, MAJOR Bipolar attitudes and twisted philosophies. If the following is too much (Yeah right! Hahahah...) I don't know what to do for you... I'm just playing... But I did say it was a chaotic chapter... Not to mention an epic Part 1 and Part 2 saga... Enjoy.. Enough with my babbling! On with the story!**

**WARNING NUMBER TWO: Any man or boy or male or male transgendered into a woman reading this chapter, beware! It's Not EXTREMELY detailed(That's be just nasty o.o) but Iwarn you about the introduction which features insight on Anko Mitarashi expirencing her menstrual cycle. (This is only featured in Part 1, thank god)Prepare to be enlightened in what a woman or teens will go through at a certain time of the month. I highly warn you, if you are NOT aware, then... Good luck to you and you may be disturbed by the slightest. Still, enjoy the chapter, laugh your ass off at some of the things featured for today and you know, grab a beer, redbull, whatever you drink and there ya' go. I did warn you though. **

* * *

-Groans-

-Groans-

The violet haired woman clutched her stomach, moaning from the contractions and the extreme pain. It was like she was being stabbed over and over in her lower abdomen... Or more like her poor uterus being squeezed out and being contracted. Oh wait, that was what was happening.

She struggled to find a comfortable spot on her bed. She wiggled around and moaned and groaned from the heavy cramps she got.

_I. Fucking. HATE. This. Time. Of. The. Month. _She roared in her mind. Anko twisted and turned, trying to find a way to ease the burning and extreme cramping going down in the pit of her stomach.

-groans-

She wiped the little sweat-droplets that collected on her forehead and grabbed the small pillow, digging her nails into the fabric.

All of a sudden, there was a knock on her door.

She grumbled, standing up from her bed and slumped over, walking out of her room and through the front room, to her door.

Anko reluctantly opened the door just to reveal an old lady. Well, _two _old ladies. Next to the old women's side was a wagon filled with different kind of products.

"Hello young lady. Are you in need of make-up? Because this product I have is- - -"

-SLAM-

The two elderly woman glanced at each other with disdain written all over their wrinkled faces. She slammed the door straight in there faces.

"Well, fuck you." One of the women hissed, grabbing the arms of the other lady and the wagon, heading down the hall.

Anko whimpered and sat cautiously on her love-seat sofa, rubbing her small stomach.

"I know how to ease your cramps." Whispered Renji Hyuuga. The violet haired woman literally flopped off of the sofa and screeched, "What the _fuck _are you still doing in my damn apartment!"

Renji shrugged his shoulders and sighed, "Eh, Cousin Neiji never came. So this whole time... I was under your bed... I heard you moaning... And I thought that you were _touching yourself_ but now I know it that time of the month... Do... You want to know... How to get rid of the pain...?"

Anko was hesitant for a couple of seconds but ended up nodding her head. "Yeah! Please! Please tell me! One more minute of these fucking cramps and I think I'll go crazy! Lay it on me!" She pleaded, sitting on her knees, continuing to rub her stomach.

Renji pushed up his big glasses on his face that drooped down, and simply advised, "... The key is to... Sit still for the rest of your life. It helps." He smirked and headed towards the door.

"It was most amusing to stay and have a sleep over with you... By the way, you have nice underwear... They smelled nice..." He whipsered, heading out the door.

-Twitch, Twitch-

Mitarashi, grabbed clumps of her dark violet colored hair and groaned loudly. She groaned so loudly that the whole apartment heard her.

*Moments Later*

-Knock, Knock-

*groans*

"Who... Who is at the fucking door." She sternly murmured, opening the door just to reveal Iruka Umino and Asuma Sarutobi. "Uh, hey Anko..." Iruka mumbled, rubbing the lump that sat on his head. Yeah, he _still _had that. Anko clicked her tongue in annoyance and scolded, "What the hell do you want Buck-o? Can't you see I'm fucking busy?" Anko's eyes welled up with tears and she quickly wiped them shouting, "Don't I get time to make myself look pretty? I hate you for spying on my date! Why the fuck are you here?" She hysterically whined, pulling the stunned and baffled Iruka into a hug. "Hold me, you fucking idiot!" She commanded, wrapping her arms around his neck.

The look that Iruka gave to Asuma fully said: _Uh, what the hell is her problem? _

"She's most likely PMS-ing... Followed by mood-swings and so much fuckery..." Asuma whispered, loud enough for Iruka to hear, but not Anko.

Iruka smirked and shrugged his shoulders. His next expression read: _I don't care... Shiiiittttt... She's embracing me! Looks like my plan list for winning her over is kicking into effect... _

"Plan list?" Asuma questioned, rolling his eyes. "A seven month plan for winning her over. Embracing doesn't come until month six... But looks like it's coming early!" He chimed to Asuma, wrapping his arms around Anko's waist.

All of a sudden, Anko pinched the nape of his neck and shouted, "Shut the fuck up! Or do I have to 'surprise ninja' your ass again!" She unwrapped Iruka's hands from her waist and whined, "Where's Kakashi? I want _him _to hold me... Besides, you smell like fucking baby powder, Buck-o. And stop fucking whispering! And another thing, next time you try to grab my ass, I'm gonna' beat the shit out of you."

*sniffle*

That sniffle didn't come from Anko... It came from Iruka. _One moment she loves me, the next she hates me! Women are so... Weird. _He cried in his head.

All of a sudden, Jiriaya came jogging down the hall. His wooden sandals, clicked against the wooden floors and his long and thick white pony-tail blew feroiously as he galloped. "What? Ninja, where the hell did you come from?" Iruka inquired, frowning.

"Women are not weird! They are awesome!" He exclaimed, hopping next to Anko. He took a sniff of her scent that linger in the air and smirked, "Yes... The female organ... So amazingly beautiful yet so unstable..."

The only woman between the three men, walked back into her apartment, to the kitchen, popped open the freezer and grabbed the now **frozen **bagged loaf of bread. She went back to the door and leaned on it's frame, holding the bread out for all three of them to see.

"See this?" She hissed, placing one hand on her hip and glaring at the three of them. "This is going to collide with your faces and I'm gonna' be all like _SURPRISE NINJA, MY Ninja _and yall' are gonna be like, _Huh? What the fuck is a Surprise Ninja? _And I'll gladly tell you went I hit this in your fucking faces if you don't shut the hell up and leave. Me. Be." She articulated.

"A-Anko Mitarashi! Anko Mitarashi!" Panted Shizune as she came sprinting down the hall with Ton-Ton in her arms. She stopped at the door and announced, "L-Lady... Tsunade -pant, pant- wants to see you as soon as possible! There has been an outbreak! Many innocent bystanders are in a frenzy! This is really classified information! You and three others will be going on an S-Rank mission! You must meet with her as soon as possible! Code red! Code red! Man-down! Man-down! Bull-a-ca! Bull-a-ca! Six, one, nine! You have to- - -"

"Oink! Oink! Oink!"

Anko covered her ears and ranted, "What the hell is this? Anko's Birthday? Annoy the shit out of Anko Day? I am on my FUCKING period and you bitches want to come and bother me? Huh? And stop all that Damn noise, Shizune! All that _Bull-a-ca Bull-a-ca _shit! Is it really nessecary? And you too, Porky! Damn! This is bull-Shit! Fuck! I'm fucking cramping my ass of right now and you all want to come here with all of this damn fuckery..."

Crying hysterically again, anko whimpered refering to herself in Third Person, "Anko needs to go change her tampon right now, so please leave a message at the sound of the beep... Beep!" With that, she stepped back inside her apartment and shut the door.

*Silence*

"Okay... That was _way _too much information..." Asuma blurted out. Everyone mumbled in agreement and Ton-Ton says:

"Oink, Oink!"

_Translation: Yeah, I heard cha' my ninja!_

*Later On*

"Ahhh!"

A calm and steady sigh escaped the female's lips as the hot water hit against her flesh. She finally got time to relax, after a long nap. Lucky for her, her cramps sub-dued and she was back to her normal self. No mood-swings or nothing!... Except for Irritatablity... Meaning she was prone to getting irritated very quickly... A common sympotom for a feamle on her menstrual cycle.

Her body untensed as the hot water beated down from the shower head, making contact with her skin. The shower filled with steam and the mirrors fogged. All that was heard was the water hitting against the plastic shower curtain and her relaxed sighs.

She was truly starting to be coaxed and feel better.

After washing up, Anko stepped out of the shower and wrapped a creme-colored towel around her naked body that dripped with water. She stepped into her room and started to dry herself off, until she heard foot-steps coming from the other side of her bedroom door...

. . .

Anko was silent, as she grasped a kunai in her right hand and grabbed the door-knob, slowly opening a crack, big enough for her to peek through. Her light brown eyes scanned the front room and scanned a glimpse of the kitchen... No sign of any intrusion...

_Maybe I was hearing things... _She thought, letting a small sigh escape her lips. She flung her kunai to some random part of her bedroom, continuing to dry off the droplets of water. As soon as she let her defense down, a figure touched her back. She abruptly turned around just to reveal an upside down Naruto Uzumaki. He was hanging from the ceiling fan and flashed Anko a goofy smile. Oblivious to the fact that she was naked, he opened his eyes patted her on the head that was full of violet colored hair.

"Hey Crazy Snake Lady!" He chimed, leaping off of her ceiling fan and flopping down her bed.

"Naruto! What the hell do you think you're doing here!" She yelled, quickly grabbing the towel and covering her body.

"Well, Gramma' Tsunade thought I should come here and tell ya' that she's expecting you to see her soon about the mission of some sort." He explained, folding his arms behind his head as a potiential head-rest.

Mitarashi did nothing but slapped her forehead. She groaned and sighed, "Fine... Just atleast let me get dressed... Perverted boy."

Naruto glanced at Anko and then down to the towel that was wrapped around her naked body. His eyes trailed down to the crevices of her breasts and down to her bare thighs. He automatically blushed feverently and gulped, running out of her room. "Why didn't you just say you were naked! Geez!" He yelled as he left.

-Tsunade's Office-

"You wanted to see me, Lady Tsunade?" Slurred a solemn Anko Mitarashi as she stepped foot into the Lady Hokage's office. She quietly closed to double doors behind her and placed her hands in the pockets of her large over-coats.

Lady Tsunade nodded her head and placed a scroll in front of her desk, glaring at it for a second. Anko however wasn't the only one inside of the Hokage's office. Kakashi Hatake leaned against the wall, with a book of _Icha Icha _in his hand, Iruka Umino stood by the door, fiddling with his fingers as he saw that Anko had walked in. Lastly there was Might Guy who was striding side to side as a quick exercise warm-up.

Anko's eyes flickered to the three men, then to the scroll and then to the Hokage who had a rather serious expression on her face.

"Looks like you're the Kakashi of the matter..." Guy remarked, smirking smugly. He was refering to Kakashi's common tardiness.

Anko glared, let out a sigh and scratched the nape of her neck. "So, um... What's all this talk about a fiasco happening here in Konoha?" Anko finally asked, prying her full attention on Tsunade.

Tsunade sighed as well and began, "Last night, there was an attack to a young girl. She was apperently attacked, bitten and almost raped until an innocent bystander came an interfered. All of a sudden, he was killed. The girl, luckily was able to escape. However she is quite truamatized from such events and therefore we are unable to gain information on the suspect."

Anko smirked and sassed, "So that's what all of this trouble and talk is about? Some "nearly" rape victim and a murder?"

The Hokage rolled her amber colored eyes and crossed her arms over her large chest.

"Anko-san. That's not all. Last week, we had a break-in at our Lab and the old Konoha Orphanage also happened to receive extreme casualities to the structure. Not to mention the many homicides that have been rising ever since two weeks ago. This isn't just some case we're talking about... It's much more bigger than that. And all of a sudden, people here in the city and claiming to start seeing the Ghost of the Third Hokage... This city is falling into chaos. That's why I am assembling a four-man team, consisting of _you_, Kakashi, Guy and Iruka." Tsunade further explained.

Anko narrowed her eyes and sassed once more, "Not this mumbo-jumbo crap about ghosts. How many people have reported to see this 'ghost' of The Third Hokage?"

Iruka answered that question, "Over 15 of my students, including a few elderly people as well as a few young people."

"And just how much is a few? Be specific Iruka." She snapped. Iruka shrugged his shoulders, "I'd say about four or five... But I'm not for sure..." He lowly said, as chagrin washed in the features of his face.

"I'm sending you four to check out the Orphanage, the crime scene and then after that, I'd like you, Anko, to give therapy to the victim and some of the people who have reported to seeing this 'ghost'. Bring me a status report by the end of the day..." Tsunade announced, handing Kakashi the scroll. With that short breifing, she sent them off to start on the fiasco that was going down. Little did they know, what hell they were going to get themselves into.

*Team 7's Meeting Place*

"Where do you think Kakashi-Sensei has gone off to, Sasuke-kun?" Inquired a curious Sakura. Sasuke was as stoic as ever, leaning against the tree with his hands placed in the pockets of the black shorts he wore. He shrugged his shoulders and sighed in his slightly husky voice, "I don't know... You should expect that from him... Kakashi-sensei is almost always late for our training, Sakura."

Sakura nodded her head and then asked with annoyance laced in her toned, "And what about that Naruto?" Sasuke's eyes narrowed as soon as he shut them and he scoffed, "Do I look like his keeper?"

Sakura gulped and stammered, "N-No... I was just wondering where he was... Because he's almost never late..."

The Uchiha let out a sigh and he roamed his fingers through his jet black hair. "It's not my place to worry about him. He can fend for himself. Not that I'd stick up for him anyways..."

-Pant, Pant-

Right on time, too.

"Sakura-chan!" Yelled Naruto as he came running up to the two of them. He caught his breath for a moment and chimed, "Sorry I'm late. So where's Kakashi-Sensei?"

The two other pre-teens glanced at Naruto and they shrugged their shoulders. "We waited here for him... This time he's three hours late... I wonder where he could be..." Sakura explained, tilting her head as she went into deep thought. Naruto smirked and scratched his back-side. Sasuke grimaced at witnessing that and then Naruto exclaimed, "I bet he's with the Crazy Snake Lady! The other day they were holding hands and he had his arm around her and all of that romantic stuff."

Sakura repeated, "Crazy Snake Lady...?" Her mind flickered to Anko Mitarashi. A scornful look lightened up in the features of her fair-toned face and she grumbled, "Oh... _That _Crazy Snake Lady..." She recalled her "Therapy" session and the nasty lolli-pops... And when she suggested that she go lesbian for a day... Sakura shuddered at the memory and sighed, "Well, let's just go looking for them, then. It does beat staying here and waiting..."

*The Four Man Team*

(Consists of Anko Mitarashi, Kakashi Hatake, Iruka Umino and Might Guy)

*The Orphanage*

"Ugh! What's that putrid odor? It stinks!" Complained Anko, as she covered her nose. Iruka rolled his dark brown eyes in annoyance. "You're complaining already?" He whined as they made their way to the gates leading into the old and abandoned building. Anko shrugged her shoulders, ignoring Iruka.

"Anko!" Guy exclaimed, jumping up and down. (His warm-ups) "That's the smell of ambiance!" He chimed, giving her a 'Thumbs Up'. "A real man smells that way!" He added in, getting ahead of the group.

"Well, Iruka smells like Baby Powder... We all know he's not a man." She teased, catching up to Guy, leaving behind a pissed off Iruka and an aloof Kakashi. "Say, Kakashi? How in the world do you deal with Anko...?" Asked Iruka hoping to gain some knowledge from a man who actually went on a date with her... In which he hoped to do.

Kakashi thought for a moment and then replied, "What do you mean?"

"The way... Her attitude, her overall attitude?"

Kakashi smirked and retorted, "I don't deal with anything. I happen to find it _sexy_. And a turn-on."

With those words, Kakashi sprinted forward to catch up with Guy and Anko leaving behind a stunned Iruka.

_He finds her attitude... Sexy...? Note to self: Tell Anko her attitude is sexy. _He thought.

As they four of them finally reached the abandoned Orphanage, the stench became stronger. Anko literally felt the need to vomit and she clutched her stomach. "Guy... That smell of ambiance... Is the smell of death and decay... What the fuck happened here?" She questioned, getting a look around.

"Alright, Kakashi, you take the left and Iruka you take the right... Guy, scan the roof and the back and I'll handle the front." Commanded the violet haired woman.

_Now's my chance..._ Iruka chanted in his mind. He stepped up to Anko that was examining the front entrance of the building that apperntly was torn down. She covered her nose with the sleeve of her over-coat, getting a good look around.

"Hey... Anko? I find it so sexy for a woman of your stature to... Make commands..." He whispered in a husky voice. Anko's eyebrows winked up and she turned around, looking at Iruka with disbelief written all over the features of her face.

Anko's expression:

(e_e)

*changes to*

(T_T)

"Iruka, do your fucking job and stop eating sugared cereal for breakfast." She simply scolded, continuing her work.

The tanned young man, slumped over and sprinted to the right side of the building, examing around.

*Kakashi*

As he dashed over to the left, he pulled his mask down just to reveal his always activated Sharingan, checking for anyone who was still at the scene other than his other three team mates. When nothing came clear, he then scanned the area for any trace of evidence. Hair strands, finger prints and all of those things. "All clear!" He shouted, loud enough for Anko to hear.

*Iruka*

Iruka made his way to the left side of the building, highly alert. The stench however became more stronger and more foul. He came across a trail of blood. Fresh at that. "Blood, guys! Fresh blood!" He shouted. Anko and Kakashi quickly dashed to where Iruka's search began and stopped at the trail of blood. They slowly and cautiously followed the trail... They came around the corner just to find a small pile of corpses.

One was mangled, the other bloody and one clean, flawless. However, there was heavy panting heard. Anko circled around the corner just to see a man, bleeding heavily, holding a wound on the side of his neck. His pale green eyes stared up at Anko and he began to mumbled, "Oro- - - Oro- - -"

Anko rushed over to him and yelled, "Iruka! Send in the word for a medical team! Quickly!"

"Right!" She could hear him say as he poofed away. Kakashi circled around the dead bodies and looked down at what he saw.

"Oro- - - Oro - - -"

"Take a deep breath, calm down." Anko began to chant to the man. His hand reached out for hers but Kakashi stepped in front of her, halting him from doing so.

"Orokana!" The man yelled. At that moment, he literally ripped open his shirt just to reveal paper-bombs all over his body. Kakashi's eyes widened and he quickly picked Anko up "bridal style", leaping into the air as the man's body blew up and combusted.

"Holy shit!" Anko exclaimed, looking down at the flames that gathered and started to burn. Kakashi leaped on the building, next to Guy and placed Anko down on her feet. "What was that?" Guy asked, highly alert.

Anko shook her head 'no' and sighed, "Most of our evidence... Gone. Those bodies are probably charred now..." She placed her hands on her hips, just as Iruka returned with the Medical Ninja.

"We arrived and - - -" His chocolate brown eyes looked down at the wall of flames, glancing back up to a grim looking Anko and a highly alert Guy. "What happened here?" One of the Medical nins asked, as his team worked to extinguish the flames.

"It was a trap." Kakashi articulated. "Whoever was here or whoever was causing all of this trouble... Didn't want us to find those bodies..." He concluded, scratching his head full of silver hair. Anko's eyes widened and she clutched her stomach. "Fuck..." She whispered. Her cramps were returning.

"Miss? Is everything okay?" Asked the medical ninjas. She pinched her temples and snapped in an annoyed tone, "My fucking cramps are back. Do I look okay?"

_Here we go... _Iruka said to himself.

"W... Well Miss, I could distribute some pain killers to you to slightly ease the pain... What kind of cramps are they? Leg cramps? Muscle cramps? Menstrual cramps?" The medical nin asked.

Anko rolled her light brown eyes and sighed, "I'm a fucking woman. What do women expirence every month?"

The man blushed in slight embarrassment and nodded, reaching in his holster in search of the pain-killer pills.

"Wait... You're on your menstural time?" Questioned a curious Kakashi. Anko blushed and nodded her head, staring at the ground.

"Aw, that's too bad... Now I can't make a move on you..." He sighed.

"Damn it, Kakashi! I don't want to hear anymore of your fucking crude and vulgar but **amazingly** _sexy _humor anymore while we're on this mission! Got that?" Anko warned, clenching her fists. Kakashi nodded his head with a smug smirk and chimed, "It's great to hear that you think my sense of humor is sexy... I happen to think your attitude is sexy..."

The violet haired woman blushed madly and beamed a stunning crooked smile, "Really?... That's... That's some hot shit..."

Kakashi smirked and slightly blushed, thanking her.

"I think I'm gonna' be sick..." Slurred a jealous Iruka. He turned his head and whined to Guy, "How come Kakashi's all... Cool?"

Guy smile broadyly and rejoiced, "Kakashi's always been the cool type... So that's why... I take notes!"

Iruka glanced all around and asked, "Where's your note-pad?"

Guy tapped the side of his forehead. "It's all in there."

*Mean-while*

"Leave me alone!" Screamed the woman as she continued to rush through Konoha's lush forests. She ran as fast her feet could take her. She turned her head back, seeing that _it or he _was still on her trail. It was like she had a big "X" marked right on her forehead. She panted as she ran, trying her best to escape from it's eye, it's trail.

She turned a corner and slowed down to a walk. The woman inhaled and exhaled quickly, looking around for that thing.

She stopped at a large oak tree, leaning against the bark of the tree, and slumping down.

"Maybe it's over... And it's gone..." She whispered to herself, hugging her knees to her chest.

But little did she know... It wasn't over. With the sound of heavy foot-steps and a crushed twig, she forced her exhausted body to get back up and continued to run. Of course _it _followed. She ran as fast as her peitie body could run, finally tripping over a rock and scraping her knee.

A stabbing pain overwhelmed her on her knee and she was now limping away from the monstrousity.

*Konoha*

"He said, orokana to me... I thought he was going to say Orochimaru... But instead that's what he said." Anko told to Guy, Kakashi, Iruka and the Anbu squad.

Orokana meant "Silly".

"And just what the hell was silly about blowing himself up?" One of the anbu in the Anbu squad inquired as they started their clean-up on the scene.

Anko shrugged her shoulders. "All I fucking know is that this day just keeps on getting more chaotic by the second." She told them.

"I want you to scout through the forest... And see if you can gather some evidence or clues. It's got to be something that'll give us a lead around here, instead of walking in a big fucking loop, over and over." Anko ordered.

"Right." The whole squad said in usion, heading out.

Anko turned to her team-mates and gave them a sort of stressed and tedious look.

"Ever wonder if it's time to stop living here and start living down here?" Iruka suddenly questioned, holding his hand up in the air when he refered to "living here" and then held his hand down, when he refered to "living down here".

"What's got you all open-mind- - -" The female started to say.

"But what if we stop living over here and move over there?" One of the medical ninja questioned, pointing to his left.

"What does that have to do with anythin- - -" Anko was interuppted again.

"Oh shit! My aunty Amiko used to live over there... but then that bitch got evicted..." Another medical ninja who happened to be scrawny and a little weak-looking said in response to the other's term.

"Word? For what?" Guy decided to ask. Heheh, he said "word"

"Mice." The scrawny medical nin retorted.

"Mice? I thought she had rats." The brawny medical ninja alleged.

Anko was about say something but of course, they went on. "No, rats are outside. Mice are inside." The scrawny one replied, crossing his arms over his chest and he straightened his white colored robe that was apart of his medical ninja attire. "Yo, but what if a mouse go outside, does it become a rat? And what if a rat is in the house, is it a mouse?" The brawny one asked. Everyone's attention seemed to be on _that _subject in particular... Well, Kakashi was too busy reading his _Icha Icha._ The scrawny man kissed his teeth, cackling, "Man I ain't ever seen no mouse outside before.

"That's because it's a rat, fool!" Confirmed the brawny ninja.

"Yo... You might have just made a fact just now. That's some real shit!" Rejoiced the skinny man. Him and the brawny one exchanged satisfied glances and they shook each other's hand.

"Okay, so if you two narcs are done with this shitty conversation, can we please continue on with this fucking mission? I'm am cramping like shit now and I am fucking irritated." Anko snapped, glaring at the ground, as she fidgetted around, slightly slumping over and holding her back.

"Geez, calm down, girl!" The brawny one coaxed. "Yeah man! What chu' wanna' do? Overdose on pain-killers and go _'Bye-Bye'_ or what? Chill out and wait for the acids and all of that medical shit to settle in. Damn." The scrawny one reprimanded.

Anko narrowed her eyes and fumed, "_Acids and Medical Shit?_ Did you two Bo-Zos actually pass the fucking exams and trials to become a damn medical ninja or what?"

The two men exchanged glances and slurred at the same time, "You're so lucky your boobs are big and you look kawai... Cause' we would be so _in your face _and you'd be all like _Yap, yap, yap! My tum-tum hurts! Shut the fuck up! Blah, blah, blah! _"

"Okay! Let's just get on with this mission, shall we?" Kakashi chimed, grabbing the glaring Anko by her hand and tugging her away. "If you are cramping that bad, then I'll happily carry you..." He trailed off, smiling modestly at Anko.

She of course, blushed and mumured, "O-Okay..."

*Mean-while*

"I'm telling you Shikamaru! I saw him! I saw him! The Third Hokage! He told me how to survive this crisis! He also said that Orochimaru was coming back!" Chouji tried to explain to Shikamaru. Ino rolled her eyes and teased, "I bet all that food went to your head. There's no way that the Third Hokage would come to _you_ in your sleep and tell you all of that!"

Shikamaru's mind:

_What a drag... This is also so troublesome. What's next? Someone starts a riot?_

"Asuma-Sensei! You believe me right?" Chouji turned to his sensei, Asuma.

"Well... There's no telling what my old man would do... I'm not saying it's not true... But it could be true. It's a fifty, fifty chance..." Asuma told them.

"Well... I do not believe in Paranormal things. This day has been troublesome, indeed." Shikamaru sighed.

"Don't you say anything else other than 'This is troublesome' or 'How troublesome'?" Ino questioned, in an annoyed and slightly bored tone. Shikamaru glanced at her with a dull expression and shrugged his shoulders. "Who knows." He simply said.

"And Chouji! Do you even remember what he said to you?" Ino questioned, more like demanded.

He thought for a moment, pacing around.

"Which is my point." She sassed.

"Hey! Asuma-Sensei! Have you seen Kakashi-Sensei?" Naruto yelled as he, Sasuke and Sakura came sprinting towards where they hung out at which was near the "Pork Grill" Resturant. Asuma thought for a second. "Kakashi, you say? He hasn't told you all yet? He got a S-Rank Mission."

"S-Rank mission?" They all said at the same time. Asuma nodded his head. "With all of this chaos and this big mystery going around... Lady Tsunaded needed to send some of her best, so she sent Kakashi, Anko, Iruka and Guy." He explained.

"So when will they be back?" Sasuke asked in a rather cold tone. He was pissed... He was supposed to learn how to control his chakra when he uses 'Chidori'.

"Hi, Sasuke-kun!~" Ino chirped, waving to the pissed, yet stoic Uchiha. His onyx colored eyes flickered to the blonde for not even a second and then back to Asuma.

"Who know's when they'll be back. They have quite a lot to do and figure out." The older man remarked.

Sasuke nodded and turned his back from everyone. "I'm going off on my own to train." He announced, poofing away.

Chouji suddenly gasped and shouted, "I remember what he told me!"

"Well, spill it!" Ino said, crossing her arms over her chest, waiting for his remark.

"He said, if I am listening, then he'll tell the the rules to surviving this situation. He said, rule number one was to be quick. And rule number two was not to fall down. And then he said for rule number three, whatever I do, never look back. And after that, he told me to wish him luck... Then that's when I woke up for my midnight snack." Chouji mused, scratching his head.

*Silence*

"So what do you all think?" Chouji asked to his two team-mates and to his Sensei.

Shikamaru's Expression:

(-.-)

Ino's Expression:

(._.)

Asuma's Expression:

(?_?)

*Anko and Her Team*

"Damn." She mouthed, glancing at the newest dead body that was discovered by the team of Anbu.

The woman looked to be in her mid twenties. She was face down, on the soils of the forest.

After examining her body, Anko sighed.

"There are no wounds except for on her feet and her knees. But, on her neck, she happens to have a bite mark of some sort." She told to her anxious team. She then ordered two of the anbu to report back to Lady Tsunade and they headed out to the next crime scene which was an alley way.

_Don't tell me... Orochimaru is behind all of this... But... He can't be the culprit. The Third Hokage sealed his arms, hands and finger tips away, thus enabling him not being able to preform any jutsu. I'd expect him to be going to the extreme to find a way to heal his arms... Not causing mayham in Konoha... But still... _Anko's thoughts lingered in her head as she tried to decipher what was going down.

-Alley Way-

"Gosh, it stinks here." Anko grumbled, taking extra precautions as to what she stepped on in the Alley way.

"What do you expect? This is a alley. With dumpsters and garbage. Possibly rats." Iruka retorted. Anko rolled her eyes and slurred, "Gee, thanks for the heads up, Buck-o." The two of them exchanged quick glares before getting back on track.

Kakashi did his thing, which was scaning the place with his Sharigan, while Guy kept a look-out.

"Hey, Iruka? Since I call the shots for this mission... I'm ordering you to check out and examine that dumpster over there, _thick and thin._"

Iruka looked behind himself, to the side and then to his left. He even looked up. He pointed to himself and asked, "Who me? Iruka Umino? I mean because there are many men named Iruka in this world. Heheh..." He laughed nervously. The violet haired women plastered a smug grin on her face and nodded her head, pointing to the dumpster.

"Hahaha... Yeah... Funny joke..." Iruka smirked, rubbing the lump on his head.

Anko kept her finger pointed to the green dumpster that had a bit of residue on it and had that usual garbage stench. With a loud and heavy sigh, Iruka slowly walked over to the dumpster and lifted up one of the huge plastic flaps. He poked his head inside, to get a look at the contents of the big garbage can. His face turned the color green.

"Oh gawd... It smells like somebody died in there!" He managed to get out, gasping for his oxygen supply.

"Oh stop over exaggerating! I'm sure it's not _that _bad." Guy chirped. He walked over to the garbage can, taking a long and meaningful whiff of the stench. All of a sudden, his eyes widened and he clutched his stomach, ducking his head into the dumpster.

-Bleh!-

"Okay... We so did not just need to witness Guy throwing up." Anko face-palmed.

The dumpster soon rocked and the other huge flap opened. Out popped some man with baggy and ripped clothes on. His clothes were now decorated with Guy's vomit.

He looked down at the shirt he wore and removed a chunk of who-know's-what from his long beard, scornfully fuming, "Mother-fucker!"

"Oops.." Was all Guy said. He turned to face Anko and Iruka. They exchanged glances. The violet haired woman smirked and took out a scroll, preforming some hand signs. With a poof of smoke, on the scroll rested her famous **frozen** bagged loaf of bread.

"Hey, dude in the trash. I'm gonna' need to you look up at me. The gorgeous woman with nice breasts and violet hair. This is what happens when you flunk your ninja academy. You end up living in a dumpster. So now, allow me to introduce you to SURPRISE NINJA!"

-THUD-

K.O!

Iruka winced as he heard the rather loud thud. It brough back memories... Painful, painful memories. That "attack" he received in front of Udon and Kakashi the other night brought back a chain of memeories, enabling him to remember who he got into Anko's apartment in the first place... He spied on her and Kakashi's date and now he had two fucking huge lumps. On the head... And one on the cheek. Atleast the one on his cheek was beginning to go down and shrink... It just looked like a huge wart now.

"Alright, let's leave from here... It's completely obvious that there's no evidence here..." Anko concluded, holding the loaf of bread over her shoulder like a sack. "Wait a minute, Anko." Kakashi blurted out. He used his sharingan eye to continue scanning. He stepped over to the back of the dumpster, picking up a strand of silkiy looking hair. "That can be anyone's hair, Kakashi!" Guy noted. Despite that being true, Anko still took out a plastic bag and placed it in as evidence.

"Iruka, deliever this to the Anbu squad and have them run a test on it. Then, let's all meet at that Take-Out eatery around the corner. Kay'?" She instructed, handing the plastic bag to the dark-haired man.

"Alright." He said, poofing away.

"After such a hard day of work, that's not finished yet, we could atleast get some food in are stomachs." Anko explained, sauntering out of the alley with Kakashi and Guy trailing behind.

-Take-out Eatery-

(Basically japanese food; sushi, senbei, etc)

The trio sat at a big booth. Kakashi and Anko sitting next to each other and Guy on the other side. They got a small break, for relaxation time. Guy took out a mirror, examining himself while Kakashi started to read his _Icha Icha_ while Anko leaned back into the slightly comfy cushions of the booth's chair. She let out a sigh, closing her eyes, getting lost in her sub-conscious.

"Hey, guys? Want to hear an ironic pun or joke? Whatever you call those things?" Guy questioned, leaning his elbow on the wooden table. Kakashi nodded his head without looking up from his book. Anko shrugged her shoulders, half paying attention.

Guy started to snicker and then joked, "Okay, so the Anbu squad... They find a man in the streets, literally eating a clown. So... The man holds up the clown's arm and asks, _Does this taste funny to you?_ Get it?" Guy started to laugh at his own corny pun. Anko and Kakashi gazed into each other's eyes and Anko slurred, "Guy?"

"Yes, Anko?"

"Shut the fuck up. That was NOT funny."

"Okay, Anko..."

*Silence*

"Hey, Kakashi, what chapter are you on in Icha Icha?" Anko questioned, leaning her head on Kakashi's shoulder. "I'm on chapter eight... It's a classic 'Have sex on a table' scene. It's pretty good, too..." He trailed off, flipping the page.

Guy's expression:

(~_~)

"That is SO unyouthful. How can you two read that stuff?"

The two of them smirked and chimed at the same time, "It's hot."

"Excuse me, you all have been here for about ten minutes. Are you going to order something? This isn't a club, you know." A waiteress finally snapped, taking out a note-pad and pencil.

"PMS-ing, too?" The violet haired woman asked. The waiteress exhaled heavily and nodded her head.

"I hear ya', my ninja."

"Actually, ma'am... I'm not a ninja. I'm a innocent bystander..." The waiteress remarked.

"Yeah, whatever." Slurred Anko.

"Uh, I'll take the special for today. Minced sushi, wonton soup and a side of vanilla-flavored dango. Bring me some hot green tea at that. Hold the fucking milk, because it doesn't taste good to me... You know what? Just bring me the hot tea, some sugar and creme. Not milk, creme." She said. The waitress rolled her eyes, writing down all that Anko said.

"I'll have the corn soup and some chilled peach tea." Guy ordered.

"Eh, some steamed rice and barley for me... Add a sushi platter to that and a cup of sake." Kakashi told to her.

"Oh, wait! Iruka... Uh, just give him the kid's meal or whatever the fuck you have for them." Sighed Anko, waving the girl off.

She left into the kitchen, handing the chef their order and came back with a small basket in her hands. She placed it on their table and left, saying, "I'll be back with your drinks in a second."

Inside of the basket was fortune cookies. Anko, Kakashi and Guy picked them up and cracked the cookies open, reading them outloud.

"My fortune says: _The best year-round temperature is a warm heart and a cool head._" The Copy Ninja recited.

Anko smirked at her fortune and read outloud, "_Strike iron while hot._" Guy opened his fortune cookie and grimaced at his fortune. "This must be some kind of joke!" He yelled outloud. Other customers in the small resturant glanced at the man as if he was crazy. "It can't be that bad..." Kakashi tried to convince him.

"_Food is sex._" Guy shouted, throwing the small piece of paper with printed words on the table. "Wow... Can't believe that's an actual fortune..." Anko exclaimed, bursting out with laughter. Guy grumbled, pouting and crossing his arms over his chest. Soon enough, the waitress returned with a tray carrying their drinks. She set down the cup of sake in front of Kakashi, the iced peach tea in front of Guy and placed the hot green tea in front of Anko, along with the sugar and sweetner creme. Then she placed a small plastic cup on the table, with a straw sticking out of it. "There are your drinks, and the kid's meal drink: A small cup of lemonade." The waitress announced.

_Good too. Iruka likes lemonade!_ Mitarashi thought, smirking a bit.

Finally Iruka walked into the eatery, along with two of the anbu. Iruka sat in the space left for him while the Anbu pulled up chairs, sitting at the end of the table. "The results for the hair-strand won't come until later." He announced, cupping his cheek; not the one with the small lump that resembled a huge wart. "Okay... And what are these narcs doing here?" She questioned, pointing at the two anbu. They exchanged glances and sighed, "As an order from Lady Tsunade, we were sent for back-up." One of them said. "By the way, I'm Kohaku." The smallest one told them. "And that's Shiro."

_Let's hope they aren't like those two idiots from the Medical field..._ Anko thought.

As soon as their food arrived, they all began chowing down. Iruka glances at the small meal that was laid out before him.

A small bowl of steamed rice, one dango stick and a cup of noodles. Not to mention the cup of lemonade. He looked at the buffet that Anko and Kakashi feasted on and then glanced at Guy who was glaring at his food. The two anbu who accompanied the four of them decided just to have drinks instead of food.

_Well... Let me atleast open my fortune cookie..._ He thought, grabbing for one and cracking it open.

"_It could be better, but it's good enough_". Which was so true. It could be worse. He could have nothing to eat... So he decided to cope with the kid's meal he had... Poor Iruka.

"Hey... You know what I'm thinking? Zombies or some shit to that effect is behind all of this..." The smallest out of the two anbu remarked, taking a sip from his hot, black tea.

_Here we fucking go AGAIN._ Anko thought.

"Yo, don't joke about zombies, that shit there, that's real." The other one retorted. Kohaku nodded his head and whispered loud enough for everyone to hear that sat at their booth, "You know Gozen off of 20th street? She told me she heard a zombie going through her trash the other night. The next morning... She turned up missing."

"Ouch..." Kakashi winced, as he listened in upon the coversation.

Shiro's expression twisted up into confusion and disbelief. "What? Okay, back up! How the _hell _do you turn up missing?" He questioned.

Kohaku rolled his eyes and sighed, "Cause', nobody knows where you are when they realize you ain't dead."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. So you're telling me that you can appear and disappear at the same time?" Assumed Shiro.

"No man, you can't appear and disappear at the same time! The bitch ain't Minato Namekaze." Kohaku explained with annoyance laced in his sort of squeaky tone. (He refered to Minato's teleportation jutsu)

"Ugh, guys?" Anko and Iruka said at the same time.

"Shh!" Shiro "shushed" the two of them. "No, no, no. But you can be gone from one place and show up somewhere else in time. So when you turn up, you never missing and when you missing, you never turn up." He espied, nodding his head to his conclusion.

*Silence*

Everyone was silent.

"_Unless_, ... you a zombie."

At that moment, Anko slapped her forehead and Kohaku exclaimed, "Damn! That's some applausable shit right there. You should blog about that."

"I'm put that on 'NinjaSpace'." Shiro smirked. "You do that!" Kohaku chirped, giving him a 'Thumbs Up'.

"Alright, are you two done or what?" Anko snapped, taking a sip from her hot tea. The two anbu exchanged glances and smirked, "Yeah... But for real though... What _if_ zombies was behind all of this? I mean, they bite right? And they- - -"

"I highly think there is a responable explantion for what has been going on. However, dead people who are walking and who have a need and hunger for human flesh is not the answer. It doesn't connect to the 'Ghost' sightings of the Third Hokage and to the murders. And why exactly would a zombie try to "rape" a victim rather than eat? Come on guys, be rational." Iruka articulated, sipping up the last bit of his lemonade.

The sounds of a straw sucking up air was heard and the young man shook his cup. "Damn it! I swear they always put too much ice in these things!" He complained. "And who the hell ordered me a kid's meal in the first place?" He complained once more, glaring daggers at Anko. She smirked deviously and shrugged her shoulders, "I dunno'. Ask Kakashi or Guy... Wasn't me..."

The violet haired woman stood up from her seat and sighed heavily. "Anyways, It's 4:00 p.m, I gotta get going. I have to interrogate... I mean give therapy to the so called victim and then to other people. Carry out with the mission and when you all give the status report to Lady Tsunade, I want to hear what else went down as well, Kay'!"

With that, Anko left.

-Her Apartment-

Anko stuck her key in the lock and with a few twists and turns, her door was opened. She walked into her apartment, kicked off her sandals and hung her over coat on the wooden hook beside her door.

She let a calm and steady sigh escape her lips before walking into the kitchen. Of course, she needed a drink. The female grabbed an ice-cold bottle of sake from her refridgorator and took down a glass cup from her cabnits. After putting a couple of ice-cubes into the glass, she poured the tangy and strong liquior into the cup; filling it all the way to the top.

-Knock, Knock-

_Just in time, too..._ She thought, taking a sip from her drink. Anko opened the door just to reveal a timid looking girl. She looked to be in her teenage years, had jet black hair and turquiose colored eyes. "You must be the victim." Anko slurred, looking her up and down. The teen nodded her head once and looked around. She snapped her head to the left and snapped her head to the right.

She was so fucking paraoid; It wasn't even funny. "Come in. I don't bite... _Much..._" Anko tried to joke... But failed horribly, scaring the petrified girl even more.

"My... Name i-is Rikku..." She whispered taking a seat on the love-seat sofa. The violet haired woman let out a sigh and nodded her head. "Yeah, I can see that." Anko took a long sip from her sake and offered, "Want some? I could make you a cup, ya' know?"

Rikku shook her head 'no' over and over. "Fine... Be that way... You won't see me offering or trying to have hospitality anymore..." Mumbled Mitarashi.

"So... Tell me exactly what happened." She ordered, leaning on the arm of the couch.

"W-Well... For starters... He had a _long_ tongue..." Rikku began.

_Long tongue... Something that Orochimaru has..._ Anko noted to herself.

"And... He had the most weirdest and kind of hissy voice ever, but he had scaley skin and was like a half man/half serpent... It was really creepy... Plus it was like he was a stalker! The way he moved and everything!" She exclaimed.

Rikku's expression:

(O_O)

Anko:

(-x-)

_Yeah, that's Orochimaru alright... But scaley skin? Probably one of his prototype forms or something..._ She thought.

"So, uh, what exactly did he want with you, girlie?" Anko questioned, examining her clear-polished finger nails. Rikku shrugged her shoulders and sighed heavily.

"I heard that it's been extracting chakra from many people... And that, that ghost thing is warning people through their sleep..." She murmured, fiddling with her thumbs.

_Extracting chakra, eh?... _

"So my accusations are mostly correct... And he's starting up mayham here in Konoha just by doing so..." Mitarashi said outloud.

"Well, thanks for the information, you were a big help. See ya'... _Wouldn't wanna' be ya..._" Anko chimed, showing Rikku to the door.

She whispered the last part to herself. The girl's eyes widened in stark and utter horror. "Y-You can't just leave me out there! All ALONE!" She whimpered, grabbing on to Anko's right arm. She rolled her light brown eyes and sighed, "Look, there's nothing to be afraid of, girlie! So I'll see you later and- - -"

"No! I'm staying here!" She shouted, more like commanded. "What? Staying here? Girl, you are out of your mind? What food are you gonna eat? And where the _hell_ are you gonna' sleep? Not here! Not on my couch! And definately NOT on my sofa!" Anko snapped.

Rikku cried, "But!... He could be here, right now! He could knock on the door, right now!"

All of a sudden, there was a kind on slow and eerie knock on Mitarashi's wooden door. Both of their eyes widened, "Uh... Okay, who the fuck did you lead over to here?" Anko whispered in a hushed tone. Rikku panicked for a second, shrugging her shoulders. Mitarashi, cautiously reached for the door and slowly turned the knob to open it.

"Anko! Open up the damn door... Not slowly!" Slurred a drunken voice. She thought for a second and then swung the door open just to see Genma...

"Damn Genma! You scared the shit out of me and the girlie!" The violet haired woman fumed, clenching her fists. Genma plastered a toothy grin on his face and slurred, "Haha! You shitted on yourself!..." The smell of liqour rushed up Anko's nostril and she grimaced.

Her light brown eyes bored holes into Genma's dark brown eyes. "Genma... Are you drunk?" She asked, placing her hands on her curvy hips. Genma smirked and walked in her apartment, tossing an empty bottle of some sort into her waste-basket. Of course the bottle was an empty bottle of vodka.

"Woah, woah, woah. _WHAT are YOU doing!_" Anko shouted at the man who took a seat on her love-seat sofa. He looked at the petrified Rikku and whispered in her ears, "Hi, I'm _Clutch_... Heheh.." Rikku gulped and turned her head from his gaze.

Genma turned his head to Anko and sighed that came out like a slur, "I... I have some secrets about. That, That man who goes around town." He paused her a second and clicked his tongue, "He, the one who, who is scarin' people around."

Anko face-palmed and stared at the drunk Genma who couldn't even get his words out straight. "He tried... To _rape_ me. I said, You's not _finna' _put that **thang' **in my butt. No sireee!" Genma exclaimed, nodding his head. He popped his lips when saying the word "rape".

"Okay, dude... You really need to get the fuck out of here." Anko snapped. "And who is _he_? And why are you drunk? And I KNOW someone who NEVER try to rape you, so you can cut that mess out. Your story doesn't make since at all and I can't hardly understand a word that you are saying."

Genma waved her off and chimed, "Hey, Anko... Guess what?"

"What Genma? What?"

"_Rack emmmmmmm', Rack emmmmm' Rack emmmmm', Rack emmmmmm' up!_" He went on and even got in Rikku's face slurring, "Rack em' up."

"Man, get the hell out of here!" Anko yelled, pointing to her door. Genma stopped and slurred once more, "Fine...". He stood up, walking slowly towards the door. He reached for something and picked it up without her seeing. Mitarashi slammed the door in his face and was about to sit back down but:

-Knock, Knock, Knock-

She rolled her eyes and swung the door open just to reveal Genma with sun-glasses on his face. He made his voice squeaky and sighed, "S'cuse me ma'am, I'm a... Victim to the, the thing goin' on, so- - -"

"Genma, I know it's you." Anko grimaced, crossing her arms over her chest.

He gave her a "pssh" and scoffed, "It's not me... My, my name, _ish_ Percy Uchiha. The long lost Uchiha girllllll~"

Anko's expression:

(-_-)

-SLAM-

"All you did was put on some sun-glasses. I wasn't born yesterday." She shouted.

"How do I know that?" He slurred.

**To Be Continued...**

* * *

**I was planning on adding more, But, I know this was VERY long. **

**-Phew!-**

**How was this? Was it funny _at all?_ I tried. I don't think you can make a mystery funny? But hay', I tried haha! What did you all think of this chappie? I worked hard on it! And I worked on this for almost 2 days! One day and a half! Starting from about 12:00 p.m all the way to 7:00 p.m and then when I couldn't sleep from boredom, 1:00am to almost 4:00am. Counting the time today and yesterday, that equals...**

***gets out calculator***

**Some heavy amount of time!**

**Now, I would like to thank you for reading! Please review, and tell me what you think! Honest opinions, please! Was this corny as fuck? Boring? Funny? You had no idea what the hell was going on? Anything. I'd like to improve my writing, so please be honest!**

**Sorry for the time it took for this! I was planning on updating YESTERDAY, but, by the time it was 10:00pm, I still wasn't finished. So it was delayed!**

**Now for references!**

**The inspirations:**

**Turban Man: From the movie Next Friday(Love it man), Micheal Blackson plays an Angry African mad because a cd he "brought" from Pinky's Record Store was whack and he couldn't get jiggy with the music. He oh, so decided to return it without a cover and with some scratches on it and a huge chunk missing out of the cd haha! There is a scene of it on Youtube! Search up, "Angry African Next Friday" The duration should be over a minute long. **

**Renji Hyuuga's personality: The movie Bride's Maids. It was released in 2011 or 2012 can't remember, yeah most likely 2012, and I forgot the chick's name but she was set up on a blind-date by her friend Rebecca and the guy had a little kid. His kid was weird as fuck and talked just like Renji. His first sentence: ... Are you... Going to make a baby with my daddy?**

**Next one: ... My mommy.. Is going to kill you...**

**Another one:... Grandma died right where you are sitting... (Which was on a couch)**

**Then he ate the lady's birth control haha. Over 7 pills!**

**Surprise Ninja: Loiter Squad, mu ninja! Tyler gets Taco while they are at a party when Taco is dancing. (Dunn know what kind of dancing he was doing...) **

**Anymore you all want to know? I forgot the rest! Haha... So like me!**

**Now for Part 2: The mystery finally gets contained and a twist! Is it actually Oro-kun doing all of this? Is it? Or is it? (Haha!) Stay tooned! And don't worry, Anko will not be on that time -Shudders- I may be a teenage girl... And I may have the same thing... Cuz' I'm a female... But it is VERY disturbing. (O.O)**

**And also, I may or may not do something like this again... Hell, we don't know. Unless you want it!, I can't decide if this was good or not... But after Part 2, it'll be back to normal, with Anko and her therapy! But the next chapter contains much more better humor and parody! Haha!**

**Stay tooned!**

**Kumi-Chan/Tobi-Is-Fluffy-Chan**

**(OMG, 28 PAGES ON MICROSOFT WORD!)**


	6. A Date with The Serpent Part 2

_**Hey people. I apologize for the late update. Okay, so there is(was; my step dad fixed it, thank god!) a fucking virus on my computer called "Security Shield" and it fucked my shit up! It's a virus that prevents chu from browsing on the internet, pop-ups occur and whatnot! (A Fake Security Scanner; automatically downloads when browsing the internet. It downloaded) So this is SUPER delayed! I had to use my step-dad's laptop, to update!**_

* * *

_"What the fuck you lookin' at?"_

_"You need people like me, to point chor fucking finger at."_

_"I always tell the truth, even when I lie!"_

_"So... Say good night to the bad guy!"_

_Tony Montana_

_-Scarface _

_(Which has nothing to do with this chapter!... Or does it?... Heheh, Nah, I just love Scarface and Tony Montana!)_

* * *

**Ah! Well, welcome to Chapter 6 of Anko The Therapist! And Part 2 of A Date with the Serpent! This was a bit delayed. I was planning on updating a couple of days ago, but time got the best of me, including pure laziness, the fact that I was busy! But here we are, with a brand new chappie! I'd like to thank all of those who alerted, favored and reviewed! Thank you so much! It means a lot to me! **

**I hope you all enjoy!**

**Annabel: Told ya that you'd like Canada! Being Canadian rules, so... I'd brush up on our culture if I were you... For those who don't know, I am PRETTY mix! My nationality includes being Canadian! Hehe! And that is SO like you to catch errors that I never noticed! Well, enjoy this chappie, girl! And take care!**

**Jimmy: Thanks again dude! Heheh, we'll see who is behind this castrophee!**

**LeMemeFox: Thanks! Ahh, yes! The Kakashi/Anko... Well, I wouldn't say that they actually kiss in this chapter... But, we'll see! Haha!**

**Guest: Well thank you! And here's that update!**

**Jerr: Hey gurl! Thanks for za review! Now come on! Iruka needs love too, haha! Kakashi gets all of the love, whether it's from OCs, people or even Yamato! Lol, Mr. Umino needs some love haha! He usually paired with Sakura though... Anyways, enjoy this chappie!**

* * *

**Now, today's MAJOR guests!**

**Kakashi Hatake**

**Iruka Umino**

**Might Guy**

**Tsunade**

**?The Mystery Character?**

**Today's MINOR Characters**

**Konohamaru Sarutobi**

**Jiraiya**

**Naruto Uzumaki**

**Asuma Sarutobi**

**Shizune & Ton-Ton**

**Rikku Tsukehime**

**Anbu forces (they are Cameos that have dialogue)**

**Medical Nins (Same for them; Cameos that have dialogue)**

**Etc**

***Note: There are special characters who will not be revealed at the moment! They make cameo appearances and they have dialogue!**

**And now, our main character:**

**Anko Mitarashi**

**Anko: *sings* _No matter where life takes me, find me with a smile! Pursuit to be happy, only laughin' like a child. I thought life would be this sweet, got me cheesin' from cheek to cheek... And I ain't get away for nothing cause that just ain't my style... Life couldn't be better! This gon' be the BEST DAY EVER!_**

**Kumi: *sweat-drops* heheh, yeah... She's singing Mac Miller's song: Best Day Ever... **

**Anyways!**

* * *

**Chapter 6: Hebi no hi. Pato 2**

**(A Date with the Serpent; Part 2)**

**Written By: Kumi-Chan/Tobi-Is-Fluffy-Chan**

**Starring: **

**Anko Mitarashi**

**Etc**

* * *

**Disclaimers: I own nothing. Kishimoto-Sempai owns all of it. Except for the following: Stuff**

**WARNING: This chapter contains slight adult content (NOT! PEOPLE, NOT GRAPHIC) that may be suitable for the rating of T, MORE Paradox Arguements, twisted philosophies, MAJOR Adult Language, stuff that may be considered Iruka bashing, weird concepts, some Murderer, A bit of horror, EXTREME humor and crude humor. If the following is too much( Yeah right, haha...) Then I do NOT know what to do for ya... Eh, Kumi-Chan's just kidding! This chapter is as chaotic as it gets! This is the epic PART TWO, my ninja! Enjoy! Enough of my babbling! On with ze story!**

_***Murder She Wrote... Dan Da-Da-Da, Murder She Wrote, Murder She Wrote***_

**Haha! One of my favorite songs! Sorry... On with ze story!**

**(Another thing! This starts off the next day, with Anko's dream and then stuff gets into action!))**

* * *

"W-Who was that guy?" Rikku Tsukehime asked, shuddering a bit. Anko let out a heavy sigh and dryly retorted, "Genma... He may be in need of some _Anko Therapy_... Heheh..."

"You know... Maybe you should be a NORMAL Therapist..."

*Anko's Dreamscape*

-Echoes-

Normal Therapist!

-Knock, Knock-

Mitarashi, stood up from the couch and quietly opened her door. "Hi, Friend. How are you doing?" She reprimanded in a sort of eerie and monotone voice. "Please come in." She said, leading the way. His cold and piercing eyes gawked at the woman. He turned to his half-crazed partner, who clicked his tongue in annoyance.

"Itachi... She does know who we are... Right?" The blue-skinned man asked, raising an eye-brow. The eldest Uchiha shrugged his shoulders, retorting in his husky voice, "All of Konoha should know who we are, Kisame." The two men stepped in her apartment and looked around, cautiously.

Maybe it was a trap... This could be a whole set-up... They had to be careful. "Please, close the door. You are letting all of the A/C out. And have a seat so we can get this session on the road." Anko chimed, taking a seat on the couch, placing her hands in her lap. Kisame started to chuckle as he tightly gripped his famous broad sword, Samehada.

"Bitch, just to let you know... We're here to kill you." He snickered. The violet haired woman cocked her head to the side and reached on the nightstand table, picking up some reading-glasses. She put them on and started to review and flip through a stack of papers. "And... Hoshigake-san... How does that make you feel?" She asked, folding her hands and placing them in her lap.

Kisame gave her a confused look while Itachi rolled his eyes. "How does it make me feel...? Well... Now that you mention it... No one ever asked me how I felt about killing... Nor did they ask Samehada... I mean he just... - - -" He started to explain. "Wait a fucking minute! Why the _hell_ am I explaining this to _you_?" He roared, his small white eyes narrowed as he bared his razor-sharp teeth.

"Ok... Yes, I see... May I ask, where do you see yourself in the next six months?" She questioned again, as her reading glasses drooped down her nose. She peered over them with her pupil-less light brown eyes at the now _pissed_ blue skinned man.

Kisame glared at her, gritting his teeth.

"The next five months?"

He gave her another look.

"How about the next month?"

He kept the same expression on his face.

"The next three weeks?"

He was stoic.

"The next day?"

Kisame's expression:

(=O_o=)

*Moments Later*

Anko nodded her head as Kisame lounged on the love-seat sofa and told her his problems. "And... Can you believe that people have the nerve to call me _Gills, Sharky and Fishy-chan_?" He whined, sniffling a bit. "Do you _think_ I like being called all of these corny and meaningless nicknames? ! I have feelings you know... And another thing... People say they wonder how I taste as sushi... That's not very nice..." He trailed off, finally bursting into tears. Anko nodded her head, handing him a box of tissues. Itachi let out a sigh, thinking to himself.

_Eh.. This is going to be forever seemingly... _

_Who knew Kisame was like that... _

_._

_. . . ._

_. . . . . . ._

_... ... ... ... ... ... ..._

_I'm think I'm just gonna' make a sammich. _

*Reality*

Anko jolted up and let out a sigh. She wiped a bit of drool from the side of her mouth and jumped out of bed. She shuddered at the thought. **Her... Normal. A Normal Therapist. **

_Well... Here's to another day dealing with this damn mystery..._ She thought, stepping into her bathroom.

_*Kakashi's Dreamscape*_

_"So... Are you ready?" She asked, straddling him. The **tied-up** Kakashi nodded his head, smirking under his mask. _

_She smugly smirked and sighed, "Well... Then I'm going to have to ask you to remove the mask." _

_"Well... As you can see, **master**... I'm a bit tied." He cackled, moving his wrists around and glancing at the hand-cuffs that bound his two hands to the bed railing. _

_She rolled her **light brown** eyes and with a few tugs, his mask that hid most of his face was off, quickly tossed to the carpeted floor. "Did you bring the whip?" He asked, trying to hide most of the enthusiam in his voice. _

_The **violet haired woman** thought for a second before reaching behind her back and cracking the leather whip meant for the most harshest of activities... Even sultry ones. She bent down and kissed his lips, before biting them and well... Using her slightly long tongue to trace over his parted lips. She knew he wanted some tongue action... But, **That had to happen. **_

_All of a sudden, before anything else ever had the chance of going on, Iruka burst through the door, gripping a mace in his hands. "Just what the hell is **my wife** doing here! On TOP of YOU?" He boomed, getting a crazed look in his eyes. Then Gemna leaped into the room through the open window. "Anko! What the HELL are you doing married to this sucka'?" He pointed to Iruka. THEN the over tanned man with the buck teeth and the turban head-dress rolled from under **the bed** and ranted, glaring at Iruka and Genma, "Mother-fucker! I knew it mother-fucker! You playa-hater! This ol' 'biatch' is yo' wife! Mother-fucker!" Then Guy burst **through the ceiling** wearing his speedo thongs, shaking his ass. "Hey! You guys ready to party?... And Anko... You and Kakashi?... Who would have thought of it!" He exclaimed, slapping his butt-cheeks. Little did they know, Orochimaru was **video-taping** the whole entourage. And lastly, Tsunade and Ton-Ton burst in, walking out of the bathroom, wearing matcing bikinis. "I wouldn't go in there for about thirty-five to fourty-five minutes... But, Hey!... You two want a foursome?" She asked, her and the pig striking a pose. _

_Oink!_

_Anko glanced at Kakashi and he glanced at her. "You know what? This fucking dream is getting to weird and is NOT a turn-on anymore. I'm going back to my dreamscape." She sighed, getting off of his lap and poofing away. Kakashi let out a sigh and said to himself, "... I guess I'll just read some Icha Icha and play around to get rid of this feeling."_

_*Reality*_

Kakashi groaned, sitting up in bed. He stared at the ceiling wishing that his fantasy had come true... Without the three idiots and the others interuppting...

_*Iruka's Dreamscape*_

_"Oh! Iruka! I always loved you!" Anko exclaimed, kissing him over and over on the lips. Iruka beamed a blissful smile and he chimed, "Let's make it happen! Now!" He started to unbutton his pants and pulled them down. _

_"Oh yes! Please! Give it to me Iruka!" She screamed, tackling him to the floor. _

_"Anko... If loving you is wrong... Then I don't wanna' be right!" Iruka yelled, grabbing onto her hips. _

_*Silence*_

_. . . ._

_. . . ._

_. . . ._

_"Uh... Anko... Why are you silent?"_

_*Silence*_

_"Like seriously, Iruka... You just like... ruined the fucking mood..." She sheepishly retorted. _

_Anko stood up and poofed away sighing, "Well. I think I'm just gonna' go back to Kakashi's dreamscape... Hopefully you stop interuppting, saying that I'm your wife and those other people stop fucking coming as well..."_

_*Sniffle*_

_Iruka started to cry..._

_Too bad his words were corny enough to drive her away..._

_*Reality*_

The tanned young man slowly sat up in bed and let out a heavy sigh. Even in his fantasy land... He couldn't have his way.

***Later That Morning***

"Iruka-Sensei! Do we _have_ to take this exam?" A very annoyed Konohamaru asked, as the teacher passed out examnation papers and pencils. He rolled his dark brown eyes and explained, with annoyance laced in his tone, "Yes, Konohamaru. This exam is crucial if you are to gain some knowledge on things... Brain-storming and tactic wise."

Konohamaru let out a heavy sigh and stared at the thick packet that sat on his desk before him.

"Didn't you get a mission or somethin', Iruka-Sensei?" Some other kid asked.

"Why, yes, yes I did. I have to atleast distribute this exam to you kids. And then I off to continue the mission." He explained once again.

As soon as he was done passing out the exams, Iruka made his way to the front of the classroom and started to write on the chalk board.

_Class, do NOT open the Test Exams until told to do so by the Substitute teacher. _

_DO NOT TALK during the test or you will be invalidated. _

_It is mandatory thay you complete this test. _

_NO CHEATING!_

When he was done, he placed the chalk on his wooden desk and nodded his head to the class. "Understand?" He chimed, smirking at them.

"But, on the contrary... You never explained anything." Renji Hyuuga whispered, fixing his glasses that drooped down on his face. Iruka rolled his eyes again and pointed to the board. "That! Do you understand that?" He asked, plastering a rather annoyed expression onto his face. Renji smiled and then frowned, nodding his head.

Of course, Konohmaru _had_ to be the jokester of the class and do a real bother-some thing.

He opened his test packet and flipped through pages, coming to the blank page that said: This page is intentionally left blank. He smirked deviously and rasied his hand. Just as Iruka was about to walk out the building, he stopped, answering, "Konohamaru? What is it?"

The boy raised his packet in the air and squeaked, "Sensei! The page says: This page is intentionally left blank." Iruka nodded his head and sighed, "Yes. I know. And your point?"

"Well, therefore, it's not blank! The book lied to us! And doesn't that count as one of those Paradox-things you told us about?" Konohamaru shouted.

"... Just take your darn exam." He slurred, walking out the door.

**-Four Man Team's Meeting Place-**

Three of the Four Man team were gathered, waiting in front of the Ichiraku Ramen shop. Guy was as usual, doing quick warm-ups that he thought made him "Extra Youthful", the silver-haired ninja had his head buried in an Icha Icha book while the violet-haired woman stood waiting around, impaitent as ever.

She quietly grumbled to herself about the tanned young jounin being late and how she could be spending her time doing something else.

"Paitence is the key to victory, Anko!" Guy coaxed, through deep-breaths as he performed some push-ups... On _one_ hand. She rolled her light brown eyes and let out an annoyed sigh. "Well the only fucking victory I get out of this is seeing my old sensei and beating the shit out of him... Not to mention the ryo we're getting paid. Therefore, there is no need for paitence." She seethed, glaring at the ground. The chilvarous Might Guy started to do some jumping-jacks, articulating, "Remember Anko, slow and steady wins the race!"

The violet haired woman rolled her eyes once more complaining, "Where the hell is that poor excuse for a man?"

Just as those words escaped her mouth, Iruka who came around the corner, fought back a low growl that was emitted in the back of his throat. "That 'poor excuse for a man' is right here." He grumbled, making air quotes at 'Poor excuse for a man'.

"Yeah... Well it took ya' long enough." She slurred, resting her hands on her hips. Iruka walked up the the group of three and nodded his head while roaming his fingers through his mahogany brown hair that was tied in a pony-tail. "Anyways, my students had an exam to take... That's why I'm late." He explained. Kakashi closed his Icha Icha and smirked under his mask.

"Well, let's get going on with this mission!" He chimed. "Wait! First, I want to show Anko that I indeed _can_ pick up a woman." Iruka blurted out, flashing her a toothy grin.

Mitarashi was about to snicker and she pinched the bridge of her nose. "You? Pick up a woman?" She asked, trying her hardest to surpress a laugh. He rolled his chocolate brown eyes and nodded his head once. "Yeah." He simply said.

_Iruka... Pick up a woman? Now that's a sight to see..._ Guy and Kakashi thought in unison, smirking at the idea.

"Well, be amazed at my tricks..." He boasted.

She raised an eyebrow and sassed, "Tricks? And just what tricks do you plan to use?" Kakashi snickered, causing Iruka to narrow his eyes. His tan lips curved into a smug grin and he started to stick his tongue out over and over in a fleet motion.

***Extreme SILENCE***

Everyone was silent at Iruka's actions. This guy was bound to get in trouble with any and _every_ woman he encountered. Anko's amused smirk quickly turned upside down into a scornful frown.

"Dude, are you fucking stupid or what?" She hissed, giving him a death-glare. Iruka stopped his actions and gazed at the sort of bummed-out and disgusted Guy, the smirking Kakashi and the scowling Anko. "That's nasty, man." Guy grimaced. "What? What's wrong?" Iruka asked, oblivious to the fact of what was wrong with what he did.

"Well... When you stick your tongue out like _that_... It means you lick and eat vagin- - -" Kakashi seemingly tried to explain while blushing a bit. "Ah, Ah, Ah, Kakashi." Anko interuppted, getting a devious look on her face. "Let's let Iruka pick up his woman... And then we'll see if his trick worked... _Damn he's stupid..._" She chimed, whispering the last words to herself.

Anko looked around at the innocent civilians and smirked when she saw the perfect person. A blonde with curvacious features and dark brown eyes. Anko pointed her out to Iruka but glared when him _and_ Kakashi liked what they saw. Guy... Well, he was just ignoring the situation; being that it was "Unyouthful".

Iruka's lips curved into a cocky and toothy grin, he started to strode over to the damsal who was busy chatting away with another female who went by, unnoticed. As soon as Iruka was next to the women, he began chatting with them as well. "Hey, there pretty ladies." Was all the the trio heard until the bustling sounds of the city drowned out their conversations.

"Hey. Kid." Anko whispered to some kid who was walking by. His dark blue eyes stared up the Anko, half-fearful, half-interested. "You wanna' see something funny?" She asked, without taking her eyes off of Iruka and the two women talking. He shrugged his shoulders retorting, "Sure."

The violet-haired woman pointed to Iruka before sneering, "Look at that idiot over there and just watch."

_Iruka's Conversation_

"Hey there, pretty ladies."

The two women glanced at him and exchanged looks before smiling a rather flirty smirk at him.

"Hi there, Handsome." One smirked. "Oh indeed, you are handsome..." The blonde said, licking her red lips. Iruka couldn't believe himself... They said he was handsome.

"So, what can we do for you today...?" The blonde asked, seduction lacing in her tone.

"Well... I'd like to know why two beautiful women like yourself are out here, just talking..." He trailed off, raising an eyebrow and grinning. They exchanged glances for the second time.

_Anko's Thoughts_

_What the hell? I don't believe it... He lasted a MINUTE talking to those floozies... _

All of a sudden, Iruka started to stick his tongue out over and over in a fleet motion. The two women grimaced and the blonde smacked him across the face.

Mitarashi clutched her stomach, laughing hysterically. He glared at the two of them, hissing, "Ugh! I can't believe I thought you two were pretty... " He started to slowly walk away with a scowl on his face. "Bitches..." He seethed, "_Lesbians_..." He added in, making his way back over to the trio. She stifled her laughter, letting out a heavy sigh. "Who the hell told ya' that, that'd work on picking up girls?" Anko inquired, to the grumbling Iruka.

"Genma..." He whispered, pouting a bit.

"Well, Genma was drunk as fuck last night." Mitatashi pointed out.

"That explains why he said 'Rack em' over and over to me..." He scorned, wincing at the thought. "Well, now that this unyouthful activities are over... Can we _please_ get on with this mission?" Guy pleaded, bouncing up and down.

**-Meanwhile-**

"Wh- Wha- What do you want with me?" The petrified victim spoke that nearly came out as a choke.

He was silent and just kept that same evil smirk plastered on his scaley and pale white face. He slowly took a step forward to his soon to be victim. The air stilled and tension as well as fear filled the atmosphere. "I'll be taking that chakra from you, now..." He whispered.

Screams echoed throughout the small alley-way where everything went down.

**-Local Corner Store-**

"So... Tell me again, what happened sir... Because all of this shi- - -"

"Language, Anko." Iruka advised. The violet haired woman rolled her eyes in slight annoyance and rephrase her words.

"All of this _crap_" She glanced at Iruka before continuing on, "Isn't adding up... And Guy, get a anbu team here, right away."

Guy gave her a quick nod before poofing away. The local corner store had a 'Snatch and Run' before another murder occurred. The middle-aged man narrowed his eyes before retorting through gritted teeth, "Look, lady... I told you, some foriegn man came in the store... Yelled _Snatch and Run_ and all of a sudden, random people started to come, snatching things off of cabnits, shelves and out of the freezers, running away out of the store! Then, I heard loud screams and TA-DAH! A murder victim!"

Mitarashi nodded her head before hissing, "Watch that damn attitude of yours, too."

She walked over to the door, where Kakashi stood waiting and he noted, "Do... You think this was just a cover-up or distraction so no one would notice the murder?"

She shrugged her shoulders, getting into deep thought. _Perhaps... While this "Snatch and Run" was going on... People would get distracted and pay attention to the store... Meaning when the time was right, whenever Orochimaru was ready, BAM! His next victim... Just like that. Within a snap of the fingers... So by the time this whole situation with the store cleared up, no one would even know about the next murder..._ She articulated in her mind.

"Hey... Can I buy some of these powdered doughnuts?" Iruka asked, picking up a package of the snack-food. The man who owned the corner store let out a sigh, groaning, "Sure. Take it, it's on the house... Considering half of my fucking stock got stolen!"

"Geez... Do as Anko said... Cool the attitude." Iruka grumbled, backing her up and opening the package of powdered doughnuts. He took one out and took a bite, enjoying the taste of the sweet. He licked some powder off of his lips, just before Guy came back, Anbu forces with him.

"So, I want a clean-up in this place and also an inspection. Then do a scan around the village." Anko ordered to the squad.

"Right!" They all chanted, simotaneouly.

"C'Mon guys, let's head to our next destination." Guy suggested, walking out of the shop with the other three following behind.

As the four of them walked through the city, Iruka was carelessly smacking away on the doughnuts.

"Hey, Iruka?" The violet-haired woman questioned to him. He abruptly turned around, muffling with his mouth full, "_Yessuh_?"

She smirked, asking while tripping him, "Remember this?" At that moment, he went stumbling over but caught himself before he could hit the ground. "You should really lighten up on him..." Kakashi chimed, placing his arm around her shoulder. She rolled her eyes, while winking at the glaring Iruka who continued to stuff his face with the doughnuts.

"Iruka knows I be playing..." She teased. "Speaking of playing..." Anko sensuously whispered, flicking her tongue out to lick against Kakashi's cheek. But of course, his mask's fabrics got in the way of her tongue meeting his flesh. "When exactly will you stop parading around town with that mask on?" She asked, raising an eye-brow.

"That depends... _Master_..." He whispered in a husky voice. The two of them exchanged flirty glances until screams caught their attention.

"It came from that way!" Guy yelled, pointing in the direction of where the petrified screams came from.

"Everyone quick!" Anko shouted, grasping a kunai in her hand. She turned to the Anbu squad, ordering, "You three that way! You four this way! You five the left, and the rest scan from above!"

"Right!" They all simotaneously shouted. Except for two idiots... Kohaku and Shiro. They bounced with excitement, looking around with short swords gripped in their hands.

"Oh shit! Oh shit! What do we do? What do we do!" Shiro excitedly shouted, looking around.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Where do we go? Which way do we go!" Kohaku exclaimed, fidgetting around.

Anko wanted to face-palm at the two imbeciles. "What? Is this your first fucking time getting into action?" She asked, glaring at the two of them.

"Yeah! We just graduated from the Anbu Academy two days ago! Yesterday was our first day!" They rejoiced. She rolled her eyes in utter annoyance, waving them over as her and Kakashi broke out into a fleet sprint, attempting to get to their destination in time. "Just follow us.." She slurred as they ran. Iruka stuffed the remaning doughnuts in his mouth and ran along with them.

"Help me!" Someone hollered. Guy leaped onto the roof, jumping from building to building while looking down, trying to find the source of the screams.

As soon as Kakashi and Anko was about to pass another alley, they saw the scene laid out before them.

Some _thing_ was hovering over a young girl. He had arms and legs, but the strangest thing was the snake tail, that was connected with his backside. Mitarashi narrowed her eyes, flinging the kunai that traveled with great speed and emmense power. The thing was able dodge the blow, turning to reveal it's appearance.

The thing was half man, half serpent... No doubt it was one of Orochimaru's disciples or different forms. He had the same peircing, yellow snake eyes, purple markings under his eyes, not to mention a headful of black, silky hair. Hell, someone would think it was the snake, Orochimaru. It hissed it's long tongue, as vemon started leaking from his tongue.

"So.. You're the one known as Mitarashi Anko... The one who carries Orochimaru's DNA and chakra in the body..." It spoke, that basically came out in a hissy but deep voice.

Anko's lips curved into a modest smirk as she retorted, "Yeah, that's me. Who's fucking asking?"

"Hidomaru. One of Orochimar's expirements." He hissed, turning back to the shuddering girl. Sweat started to beat down her forehead and she winced as his tongue touched her neck.

"And just what are you doing here in Konoha...?" Kakashi questioned, trying to buy time and stall the creature.

It smirked, showing it's small but sharp fangs where most of the venom leaked and dripped. "Gathering chakra for the fool... To restore his arms." He simply told them, not taking his piercing snake eyes off of the girl.

_Damn... Where the hell is Guy and Iruka?_ Anko thought, quickly flickering her eyes around the alley, looking up,to the left and right. There was no sign of the two men.

***Meanwhile***

"Huh? Where the hell did they go?" A lost Iruka said to himself, as he sprinted through the city. All of a sudden, he halted his movements and listened to his gurgling stomach. "Oh..." He groaned, clutching his churning abdomen. The doughnuts went right through him... _If you know what I mean..._

"Damnit! Not now..." He panicked, holding his butt. He had to **drop a load**... A huge one at that. Iruka looked around, before running to the nearest house. Jiraiya's House.

He banged on the door, waiting for an answer.

Minutes later, Jiraiya answered, wearing a tank-top and boxers. In his hand, he held a bag of grapes and he chewed them, continuously.

His lips smacked away, chewing and munching on the fruit.

"Hey! Jiraiya! Can I use your bathroom right quick?" He asked, fidgetting around. It took the old man a while to answer. "Hmmm... What you gotta do? A number one? Or number two?" He inquired, putting a handful of grapes in his mouth. "Honey? Come back to bed!" A female voice purred from the inside of the house.

"Just a second!" He chimed, turning back to Iruka.

Iruka's head snapped to the left and then to the right. He had to make sure no one heard this...

"A number two..." He whispered.

Jiraiya automatically shook his head 'no' over and over. "No, no, no, no, no! If it's gonna be anyone dropping a load in my house, it's gonna be me!" Jiraiya reprimanded, closing the door in Iruka's face.

"Damn!" He hollered, letting out a heavy sigh. Iruka _really_ had to go! He turned around the corner, picking up Jiraiya's newspaper... That old man spent his time writing Icha Icha and flirting with women... No way in hell he read newspapers... More like reading sex novels...

He went around the back of his house, quickly unbuckling the belt that held his pants up, unzipping the zipper and pulling his pants down.

He squatted down and went down to business... _Yeah... He was taking a shit... Heheh..._

"La-La! La! La! La! La!" Naruto sang, circling around Jiraiya's house.

_I'm gonna' see what Pervy Sage's doing!_ He thought, smirking a bit. The blonde made his way to the front door of the Sannin's house... But he stopped half-way there. He saw, Iruka squatting down, with a newspaper...? What does that tell him?

"Hey! Iruka-Sensei! You wanna' spare two dollars so I can get a small bowl of ramen?" He questioned, taking a step forward. The blonde squinted his eyes and cocked his head to the side. The tanned young man panicked for a moment. "N-Naruto!" He growled. "What the hell do you want?" He asked, sweating a bit.

"Well... I got a lil' bored, so I decided to come by Pervy Sage's house..." He explained, stepping through a few bushes to get a closer look at _what_ he was doing.

"Uh... Iruka-Sensei... I may not be the smartest kid/ninja in the world... But from here... It looks like you're taking a _shit_!" He exclaimed. Iruka's chocolate brown eyes narrowed as his hand reached for the newspaper. He quickly rolled it up and attempted to whack Naruto with it. "Naruto, get the _hell_ away from here... And... where did you learn such language?" He whispered. "Hey... And don't tell anyone about this! Understand?"

Naruto nodded, walking back to the front of the house... But who could resist?

He cupped his hands over his mouth and boomed, "Hey! Iruka-Sensei's over here taking a shit!" His voice echoed and many people passing by, stopped to look, some smirked at the amusement, while others grimaced.

"Naruto!" Iruka yelled. "You said you wouldn't tell anyone... !"

"Oh yeah. Well... I'm not gonna' tell anybody else..." He trailed off, walking away; the boy contiued to sing his "La, La', La's."

***Meanwhile***

Anko tensed as she watched the thing in action. His fangs that was dripping uncontrollably with venom was now glowing with chakra. He was about to bite the girl until Guy's chilvarous and heroic voice silenced his actions.

"I am the man who hates when the women scream between their legs! I am the man who likes to say: What the _hell_ about it! And another kind of man I am!... A YOUTHFUL man!" Guy recited, giving a 'thumbs up' to the creature and flashing his one million dollar smile. Anko and Kakashi both let out an annoyed sigh _and_ sweat-dropped at his "speech" that made NO sense, once so ever! He appeared with Kohaku and Shiro as back-up... A true face-palming moment.

"Hey... What the fuck is that thing...?" Shiro squeaked, crossing his legs as if he was trying to hold in pee. "Man... This is why you never, ever seal some sick-o's arms away... He sends bullshit like this to stir up trouble!" Kohaku complained.

"Gents, Gents, calm your tits! We have a mission here to do!" Anko ranted, as most of the veins she had popped. Of all men to be here at the moment, it _had_ to be them!

"And Guy! Just where the hell is Iruka?" She questioned, glaring daggers at the man dressed in the jump-suit that was a horrible green color.

"Well, _that_ I don't know... But what I do know is... I'm gonna' drop kick this guy!" He shouted, leaping up in the air. "Hey, uh, sir?" He inquired to the half-amused man/serpent. "Do you know who to spell, _Sui __**(Soo-ee)**_?" Guy asked. "_Sui_...? What kind of word is that?" The thing was distracted for a moment before Guy exclaimed, "Too late!"

"SUUUUIIIIII!" He yelled, extending his leg out, kicking the thing. His heavy foot made contact with the scaley skin on the face of Hidomaru, knocking the thing out.

Anko winced as Guy's foot made contact with the imp's scaley face.

_Damn that had to hurt..._ She thought.

All of a sudden, some Hobo who lived in the dumpster, jumped out of the large dump, skipping over to the knocked out Hidomaru. He looked over him and yelled in his face. "Damn! You got knocked the fuck out!" He started to laugh and glanced at Anko, Kakashi, the now _fainted_ girl and then to Guy and the chuckling Kohaku and Shiro.

. . . . .

"Kakashi?... Should I 'Surprise Ninja' this guy now?" Mitarashi, questioned in the awkward silence.

"... Uh..." Was all the silver haired Jounin could say.

Finally Iruka arrived on spot. "Hey, guys! Sorry I'm late... I had business to tend to..." He explained, laughing nervously. "Well, it took ya' long enough." Anko slurred, walking over to the man/serpent. She grimaced, taking in all of his appearance.

"Send out the word for a medical team... And make it quick, since you _oh, so_ had much more important shit to do than being here for back up." The violet-haired woman snapped to him. Iruka roamed his fingers through his mahogany brown hair, and nodded his head, poofing away.

"Do you really think it's over?" Kohaku whispered to Shiro. The man shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know... But this seemed easier than it looked... I wonder how much we get paid..." Shiro murmured back.

Anko slowly walked over to the thing, and bent down, trying to get a good look at him. Across his cheeks was a large foot print of Guy's left sandal. Her eyes flickered to the fainted girl and then back to Hidomaru. "Alright... Let's get this guy back to- - -" She started to say. All of a sudden, it's eyes snapped open and his lips curved into a smug and eerie smile. Kakashi shifted over to a stunned Mitarashi, and picked her up, moving her from harm's way.

Hidomaru transformed into a small BOA snake, slithering away, quickly.

"Fuck! He got away!" She ranted, clenching her fists. Anko wiggled out of Kakashi's strong arms and ran over to the brick wall where he managed to slither through. In the lower-left corner of the wall was a small hole, big enough for a cat to squeeze through... They had lost their lead, AGAIN. "Calm down Anko... It wasn't your fault." Kakashi tried to coax. He placed a soothing hand on her shoulder but she shrugged it away. With a scowl formed on her face, she seethed, "I'm... Going to go report back to Lady Tsunade..."

Just then Iruka came running around the corner into the alley-way, with atleast seven Medical Ninja with him. "I'm here..." He announced, stopping in his tracks as he gawked at a silent fuming Anko. She dashed past him, making her way to the center of Konoha; To the Hokage's office. "What's with her?" Iruka asked, looking at the spot where one of his best friend's stood. Before. The silver haired jonin let out a heavy sigh. The four man team, now consisting of three men and two anbu sat in silence.

. . .

. . .

. . .

"Break time anyone?" Shiro suggested, holding one finger up, breaking the silence that ensued on them.

**-Ichiraku Ramen Shop-**

"So... You want to know what I think?" Shiro asked, lapping up some of the ramen's salty soup. "Lay it on me." Kohaku said, slurping some of the noddles.

"What _if_ there was a killer snake, who fucked a human being and gave birth to that man/snake shit?" Shiro questioned, raising an eyebrow. Kakashi and Iruka both stopped eating their ramen and gave him a questionable look. "A killer snake? Possibl, Yes. Having relations with a human being. No." Iruka articulated, shaking his head at their conversation.

"But there is a such thing as a killer tape though." Kohaku noted, pointing his chop-sticks at Iruka.

"There's no such thing as a tape, movie or video that will kill you, Kohaku." The silver haired jounin reassured.

"Hell yeah there is!" Shiro laughed. "In fact, I know someone who definately knows about that." He mused, nodding his head to the thought.

"Oh really?" Guy remarked in a curious tone.

"Who?" Kakashi added in.

"Wait up man, I heard Hiroku from 90th street watch a movie last week. And this morning... He woke up DEAD!" Shiro added in.

Guy, Iruka and Kakashi wanted to face-palm. Too bad Anko wasn't here... Because she would really have something to say.

Kohaku grimaced, and reckoned, "Man, how the _hell_ do you wake up dead!" Shiro rolled his eyes and scratched his head full of jet black hair. "Cause, you're alive when you go to sleep!" He retorted to the other anbu's disbelief.

"So you're telling me that you can go to bed dead, and wake up alive?" Kohaku dryly inquired.

"You can't go to bed dead, man! That shit would be redundant!" He ranted with a sigh of irritation. "No it wouldn't; Cause' you can go to bed and not be dead. And you can die and not be in the bed." Kohaku retorted with simple directness.

Shiro rolled his eyes once again before remarking, "But you in the bed! That's how you wake up dead in the first place, fool!"

Everyone was silent for a moment until Kohaku beamed a satisfied smile, "That's some quantum shit right there!"

Shiro and Kohaku shook each other's hands. "That's what I'm talkin' bout'! You always stay on top of shit!". Kohaku exclaimed, hugging the brawny Shiro.

"Are you two done?" Kakashi asked, raising his dark haired eyebrow.

The two anbu exchanged skeptical looks and they both nodded their heads. "Yeah... That about sums it up." Shiro sheepishly remarked, drinking his ramen's salty soup.

-Tsunade's Office-

"Come in, Mitarashi." The Lady Hokage spoke. Anko opened the two red-wood double doors, slowly walking into the Hokage's office. She bowed her head slightly; Her light brown eyes looked like glass that could shatter at any given time.

Tsunade took a long sip from her sake and glanced down at the huge stacks of paper on her desk. "So, the status report?" She prompted, crossing her arms over her large chest.

Anko was silent for a moment, glaring at the wooden floors. "He got away." She seethed through gritted teeth. The violet haired woman clenched her fists and stuffed them in the large pockets of her tan overcoat. She stood in the middle of the room awaiting what the Hokage had to say. Instead of words all she received was eerie chuckles. Tsunade's head knocked back as she continued to laugh... Menacingly.

"Mmmm..." She moaned, entwining her fingers in her blonde hair. "He got away, huh?..." Tsunade questioned, leaning her elbow on the wooden desk. Mitarashi nodded her head once. A quick gasp escaped her lips when the Hokage stood up from her seat, slowly walking over to her. Her high-heels clicked and clacked against the hard, wooden floors as she made her way over to a sort of stunned and dazed Anko. "You know what I have to do right?" She questioned, licking her ruby red lips. Anko cocked her head to the side in deep thought.

_This... This isn't Tsunade._ She thought, narrowing her eyes.

**-Outside of Ichiraku Ramen-**

"Man, Anko's taking a long time..." Iruka complained, slumping over with a small frown engraved in his face. "Probably out with Kakashi..." He added in, grumbling.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow without taking his eyes off of his _Icha Icha_ book. "Iruka... You know I'm right here... Right?" The silver haired jonin asked. Iruka rolled his chocolate brown eyes and mumbled back, "How do I know if you're not a shadow clone?..." Guy and Kakashi exchanged glances. "And how would I have time to make a shadow clone and sneak off with Anko?... Plus, she was angry... And went to give a status report to the Hokage. Which is what she's doing right now." The Copy Ninja retorted, shutting his book closed. Iruka was silent but he waved Kakashi off. "... You're Kakashi Hatake... You can do anything..." He whined, puckering his bottom lip out.

Guy was silent as well but then nodded his head in agreement. "Yeah... Kakashi, you can do anything... So... If you are a shadow clone, then deteriorate right now, at this very moment. Iruka and I will close are our eyes... And when you don't poof away... Well who knows what'll happen..." Guy trailed off as he walked to Iruka's side and they both closed their eyes.

Kakashi let out a sigh, rolling his eyes. _What idiots..._ He thought.

"Are you trying to poof away?" Guy asked, with his eyes still closed.

**-Fart- (I am not getting in detail about a guy farting! Lol)**

"There. I poofed away." Kakashi chimed, scratching his head full of silver hair. Iruka and Guy both grimaced and covered their noses. "Geez... Kakashi's shadow clone sure does stink..." Iruka sneered.

"And I heard, that when your shadow clone poofs away, the smell that is left, is that person, and is that smell that was left!" Kohaku exclaimed.

_That sentence makes no fuckng sense._ Kakashi thought in his head.

"Yeah, so what he means is, Kakashi's shadow clone stinks, so that means he stinks!" Shiro espied, smirking under the baboon mask that he wore. "Hey, where'd you get that mask?" Kohaku asked, taking it off of Shiro's face.

Shiro was silent for a moment, before snatching it away and hiding it behind his back. "... I... Found it." He blurted out.

"Hey! Give me my mask back!" A anbu officer roared, sprinting over to Shiro. He looked around, and sighed, "What mask?" The anbu officer rolled his eyes. "The one that you took from me. Five minutes ago." He seethed. Shiro shrugged his shoulders, muttering, "My friend... I have no idea what you are talking about." Next thing you know, the two men broke out into a fight... Kohaku stood on the side-lines, being the hype-man.

Iruka and Guy opened their eyes and they smiled when they saw Kakashi. "Kakashi! You're back!" Iruka cheerfully remarked, patting him on the shoulder. "And here you thought, a shadow clone wouldn't fool us!" Guy mused, slapping him playfully on the back.

All Kakashi did was smugly smirk under that mask of his. "Yes..." He murmured.

"Serves you right." The anbu officer spat, glaring daggers at Shiro before taking his mask and walking away.

Yeah, Shiro lost the fight. "Man, why didn't you help me?" He complained, whimpering a bit. Kohaku yelled back, "What you mean?"

"If that was me, I would have jumped in." Shiro muttered, brushing dirt off of his attire.

Kohaku placed his hands on his hips, sassing, "Oh yeah? What about that time, back in the academy when I was getting choked by that big fucker.. What was his name... Uh, Yoko?"

Shiro was silent for a moment.

"Oh... That was different..." He stammered.

"Hey, when did you guys decide to join us again?" Guy asked, pointing to Kohaku and Shiro. The two anbu exchanged glances and laughed nervously. "Well, ya' see... I had to take a shi- - I mean, number two." Shiro retorted. "And I... Same for me! Number two! The ramen went right through me!..." Kohaku yelped.

*Silence*

. . . .

"Well... Welcome back...?" Iruka said that came out like a question.

**-Hokage's Office-**

"Oh, real smooth. You fucking damn, shitty piece of shit offspring from that other fucking bastard. How dare you parade around as the fucking Hokage and send me through hell on that damn mission just to have this fucking happen? You're such a bitchy ass snake/man and you stink." Anko ranted. She winced as Hidomaru tightened the ropes that had bound her to a chair. They were thick ropes at that.

"Hmmm, seems like someone has a potty mouth." The fake Shizune slurred, smirking evilly. "And just who the fuck are you? You're not Shizune. Bitch. Puss- - - Mmmm! Mmm!" Anko's words were muffled by gray masking tape. "I thought you were smart enough to actually figure this whole situation out on your own before it came to this." The fake Shizune teased.

"Mmm! Mm! Mmm!" Anko tried to say. But again, the tape muffled her words. "What was that? I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you quite well." Hidomaru hissed, grabbing on the tape. He ripped it off as quickly as it was applied on her mouth.

"Ow!" Anko yelled. "You bitch! How fucking dare you pull some bullshit like this? You ass- - -" The tape was applied back on her mouth, sealing those lips of hers, SHUT.

"You know what I heard? Two loud mouths make a quite mouth." Fake Shizune whispered into Anko's ears.

With a poof of smoke, fake Shizune was none other than Kabuto Yakushi.

The violet haired woman glared at her former Sensei's right hand man. "Mmm! Mm! Mmmm!" She mumbled against the gray masking tape. The young man smirked a smirk similar to the Sannin, Orochimaru and walked around the Hokage's office. "You see, Lord Orochimaru sent us here to extract chakra for his two arms that were sealed away by that wreched, _former_ Hokage of yours." Kabuto explained, roaming his fingers all over the wooden desk. "Sucky craftsmenship..." He whispered to himself.

"When I say former, I mean as a former Hokage and as a former living being." Kabuto laughed, pulling up his glasses that drooped down his nose.

"Now... I think it's time for you to join your Hokage and her assistant..." He whispered, taking slow steps towards the tied up Anko Mitarashi.

**-Streets of Konoha-**

_*Kakashi's POV*_

Tired of waiting for Anko outside of the Ichiraku Ramen shop, Iruka suggested that we go around town looking for her... I still couldn't get that image of her out of my head.

She was never _that_ mad before...

We were walking around Konoha, just passing time, you could say.

"... What if she's in trouble?" Iruka kept mumbling to himself.

"Relax... I'm sure she's okay." I unconvincingly coaxed.

But deep down, I knew that there was something wrong... Or something rather strange going on.

"Kakashi-Sensei!" A familiar voice called out. I turned around just to see one of my students, Naruto Uzumaki to be exact, walking up towards me. "Where've ya' been?" He questioned, scratching his head full of blonde spikes.

I waved at him, chiming, "Ah! Naruto! So fine to see you this evening."

He rolled his eyes at me as his bottom lip curved down into a frown. "You were late for so many training sessions!- - -" He yelled, going on and on.

A sigh escaped my lips and I scratched my head, trying my best to come up with a worthy explanation. "Well... I got this mission along side, Iruka, Guy and Anko." I truthfully explained, shrugging my shoulders a bit.

He crossed his arms and faced away from me with a scowl on his face. "Well, you could have atleast told me about it! Plus, I really am in need of some training! And the only reason you probably excepted the mission was because of the Crazy Snake Lady! I already know all that you wanna' do is make-out with her! And what's this I hear you and Sasuke were doing training? That's not fair- - -" He went on and on again.

I let out a heavy sigh, scratching the nape of my neck... _How on earth was I gonna' get myself out of this one... This time?_ I thought.

Although... That part about me and Anko is true... And so is the part about Sasuke and I training...

"Hey, Naruto... Where is Sasuke to be exact?" I asked.

He glared and shrugged his shoulders, "I dunno'... Do I look like his keeper, Kakashi-Sensei?"

The same thing Sasuke would say.

"Well... Personally, you're not keeper material, Naruto... _You can hardly keep up with yourself..." _I said to him; casualness laced in my tone. He glared, pointing a finger at me. "I heard that Kakashi-Sensei! ! !" He fumed. I couldn't help but smirk.

"Well, I'll be seeing you later." I chimed, patting him on the head.

"Come on, Iruka, Guy, Kohaku and Shiro." I said, starting to walk away.

"Hey! Wait a minute!" I heard him call.

_Anko's Thoughts_

_Oh sure. If I'm so stupid and weak at the moment, how come, I'm locked in a closet with the Hokage, your assistant and a sweating pig?_

_Tsunade's Thoughts_

_..._

_Don't talk to your Hokage like that!... _

_... Damn I could really use a drink..._

_Anko's Thoughts_

_Drink your spit... Shizune's been doing that for a while now. I can tell. _

_Shizune's Thoughts_

_... That's NOT true..._

_Ton-Ton's Thoughts_

_Oink._

_Translation: I'm hungry._

_Anko's Thoughts_

_Hey, Porky, think you can chew these ropes down?_

_Ton Ton's Thoughts_

_Oink. Oink._

_Translation: ... Possibly... I'm not hungry for ropes though... I was thinking of a nice, Salmon dinner... Nothing with pork or- - -_

_Anko, Tsunade, and Shizune's Thoughts_

_JUST GET TO THE POINT ALREADY!_

_*Ton Ton Sweat-drops*_

_Oink._

_Translation: Okay already..._

And so, after what seemed like forever, Ton-Ton was able to chew through the ropes that bound her in place... Could the piggy save the day?...

*Theme Song starts*

Spider pig, spider pig, Does whatever Spider pig does!

Ton-Ton: oink... Oink, Oink, Oink...

Translation: Uh... I'm not a spider pig you know...

*Back on Track!*

Ton Ton wiggled out of the chewed down ropes, prancing over to Shizune, whose mouth was duct-taped and who was tied to a wooden chair. The pig hopped on her lap, and started to chew the duct tape away. Shizune shook her head until the tape was away from her lips and it hit the floor.

"Ton-Ton... Okay..." She whispered in a hushed tone. "I need you to go and get help. Lead an anbu team over, and all the help you can give us... Meanwhile, we'll try to figure out how to get out of here. Try not to get caught." She murmured in the pig's ear.

Oink!

Ton-Ton hopped on Shizune's head, wiggling her way through the open air-vents.

*Meanwhile*

"I'm getting thirsty." Iruka complained. Him, Kakashi, Guy and the two chatting Anbu who never seemed to stop talking circled around Konoha FIVE times. "Let's stop at that corner store." Shiro suggested, pointing to the small store on the corner of the street they were on.

The six of them walked in and went to browsing. "Wait!... I'm broke!" Kohaku whispered to the four of them.

"Not our problem." Iruka muttered, heading over to the frozen drink section of the store. Guy picked up an energy bar, Kakashi picked up a bag of salted potatoe chips. "Hey, Guy, do me a favor and buy these chips for me." The silver haired Jonin asked, tossing the bag to Guy.

"What? No can do, Kakashi." He retorted, letting the chips hit the floor without catching them. Kakashi stared at Guy, and then the bag of chips. "You just let them fall on the floor like that?... And what do you mean, no can do? You owe me like two dollars!" Kakashi exclaimed, putting his hands on his hips, expecting an answer from him.

Guy put his hand to his ear and asked like he didn't hear a word. "Huh?"

"If you can 'Huh?' You can hear." Shiro added in, listening to their conversation. The middle aged man with the bowl-cut hairstyle rolled his eyes and raised his fist, getting a determined look in his eyes. "Let's duel over this!" He exclaimed.

Kakashi let out a heavy sigh, shrugging his shoulders. "Fine. The usual?" He inquired.

Guy nodded his head and the two men crouched down.

"One, two, three!" Guy yelled.

Guy- Rock

Kakashi- Rock

"Damn." Shiro whispered, getting into the 'Rock, Paper, Scissors' as if it was a championship game of some sort.

"One, two, three!" Kakashi called.

Guy- Paper

Kakashi-Rock

"Yeah! I win!" He rejoiced.

"No! That isn't rock! It's Boulder! Boulder crushed paper." Shiro blurted out.

"But wait a minute... That's not paper... It's blanket! Blanket covers boulder!" Some random customer shouted throughout the store. "And scissors is Chain-saw!" Another person said.

_What is this? Ultimate Boulder, Blanket, Chain-saw? _Kakashi and Guy thought in unison.

. . . . .

"Ow!" Kohaku yelled. Kakashi, Iruka, Guy and Shiro's attention turned to the short and scrawny anbu member who had a bottle of Black Tea in his hands... Who was also laid down on the floor.

"Ow! My back! My back! My neck and my back!" He screamed out, wincing around.

A man who was mopping the floor on the other isle, leaned on the shelf and scowled, looking down at Kohaku on the floor.

"I'm gonna' sue this store! I want a HUNDRED THOUSAND ryo! A BILLION ryo!... But we can settle this, I won't sue unless I get a free drink..." Kohaku told to the man.

"Kohaku! What are you doing?" Shiro asked to his anbu partner who was laid down on the floor.

The smallest of the two anbu rolled his eyes, whispering, "Shiro? You know how much you can get for a slip and fall in a corner store?"

"Man! It ain't even wet over there! Get your punk ass up! Get outta' here!" The man who was mopping scorned.

"Alright, Alright!... How about one lottery ticket?..."

The man glared.

"A lolli-pop?"

He bared his teeth.

"A free hug?"

He pointed to the corner store's door.

Kakashi rolled his eyes, as the clerk bagged their items and they left out the store.

"Way to go, Kohaku." Iruka scolded, slouching down and frowning.

"Yeah, don't sweat it... Because I got a free bottle of black tea!"

*Silence*

Oink! Oink! Oink!

Translation: Guys, Guys, Guys!

The men's silence was broken by Ton-Ton's hooves patting against the ground and his heavy breathing. Not to mention the frantic oinks that emitted from the pig's throat.

Everyone stopped to look at the pig, that stopped running and was almost out of breath.

"... Isn't that the cutie's pet pig?" Kohaku questioned, taking a swig from the bottle of black tea. "Which cutie? Shizune? And that's Ton Ton..." Guy answered. "You think Shizune's cute, Guy?" Iruka questioned, opening the bottle of water he brought. Guy looked to his left, then to his right and then up and down. His cheeks were flushed with colors of light pink. Even though he had tan skin, you could still see his slightly blushing skin.

"Who me? S-Shizune ? Cute? No way! Why on earth would I think of something, so-so-so... What's the word... UNYOUTHFUL!" He stammered, slighly glaring at Iruka.

Iruka gave him a "_psshh!_" And waved him off. "It's not a bad thing to think of someone to be cute. Lighten up... However... Do you think it is silly to love and desire for a woman playing hard to get?" He retorted, thinking to himself a bit.

Guy rolled his eyes, "Look, we all know how much you like Anko... But let's face it. Kakashi's _tappin' that_."

The silver haired jonin's visible eye widened and he flustered, "What? Me?... No, no, no! Ohhh, no!... And Guy, you? Using the phrase, _tappin' that_?... That sounds a little unyouthful to me you know..." Guy thought for a moment before panicking. "Oh no! These kid's words... They're rubbing off on me!" He screamed, exhaling heavily.

"Dude, dude... Calm. Down." Shiro chanted, fanning Guy with his hands.

_Ton-Ton's thoughts:_

_What a load of boloney these guys are. Did they even acknowledge the fact that I'm here?..._

Oink! Oink! Oink! The pig squealed, standing on it's hind legs.

Everyone's eyes flickered to the pig, who was trying to tell them something.

_Ton-Ton's words that come out as oinks:_

_Come quick! Tsunade, Shizune and Anko are in trouble! Assistance is needed... GREATLY! _

Through Kakashi, Iruka, Guy and the Two Anbu's eyes:

Oink! Oink, Oink, Oink, Oink!

! ! ! !

The men stared at the pig that went snorting and oinking on.

"What... Does the pig wanna' play sharades or somethin'?" Kohaku asked. "... I don't think so..." Shiro whispered, grinning wryly at the pig.

"So... What's it saying?... I mean, none of us speak pig..." Iruka commented, glancing down at Ton-Ton as she continued to oink and snort away.

_Ton-Ton's words that come out as oinks:_

_What the hell are you all staring at? COME QUICK! Kakashi, your girl-friend is in trouble! Iruka, your dream wife is in trouble! Guy, my master and her drunk bitch is in need of help! Kabuto Yakushi and some other creature has returned for chakra to gather for Orochimaru! _

_Stop STARING at me as if I'm speaking some foriegn language!_

Oink! Oink, Oink, Oink, Oink!

! ! ! !

"I think the pig is in need of some Anko therapy..." Iruka whispered as Ton-Ton sweat-dropped.

"Aye... You know what's so ironic?" Kohaku questioned, squatting down to Ton-Ton's level.

"No, bro. Lay it on me." Shiro retorted.

Kohaku pointed to Ton-Ton and sighed, "Pigs understand every word us people say. But we don't understand ANY words pigs say."

_Ton-Ton's Thoughts:_

_It's so shocking that an idiot like you knows that... And that doesn't deserve any irony. At all._

"Kohaku?"

"Yeah, Kakashi?"

"You don't know the meaning of _irony_ do you?"

"... No. I don't."

"Then... _Please_, shut up."

"... Stop putting so much emphatis on _please_, _please_."

"You just did it."

Oink! OINK! OINK!

_Both of You, SHUT UP! Listen to me!_

"I think, the pig's getting mad." Shiro blurted out, scratching his head.

"... I know this is bad timing..." Iruka started to say. "But... If you two are anbu, why the hell are you not wearing any masks?" He questioned.

"We were told we didn't earn the right to wear one." Kohaku defensivly retorted. "Yeah! And after this mission, we will be getting our fucking masks! Oh yeah!" Shiro rejoiced, slapping Kohaku on the back.

"Yeah!... And ouch, Shiro. That hurt..." Kohaku whispered.

Ton-Ton hit the floor in defeat.

Oink...

_These imbeciles... *sniffle* Sowwie, Shizune-sempai... And Bitch Tsunade... And Crazy Anko..._

Kohaku's attention turned to the pig and he gasped. "He's dead!" He yelled, attracting the attention of innocent bystanders who walked throughout Konoha. Iruka rolled his chocolate brown eyes, slapping the small and scrawny anbu on the forehead. "Shut the fuck up... And I'm pretty sure, Ton-Ton's a girl." He hissed.

"You don't gotta' be so mean..." Kohaku murmured, rubbing his forehead. Shiro bent down to examine the exhausted pig. He abruptly turned back to the other males; his dark colored eyes glowing with a mysterious light.

"You know man, a ninja like me got expirence in this type of thing." He softly articulated.

_Pssh! What kind of ninja are you?_ Iruka thought.

Ton-Ton cracked one eye open and raised her head up.

Oink, Oink...?

_What chu' talkin' bout', ninja?_

"Ninja's do wrong to each other sometimes and in that way the force of the earth come around the moon and at that presense, the dirt, it overshadows the grass. And you like, _I can't cut this grass man!_ There's no sun coming through. So, in order to enable each other, the two fruits look each other in the eye and understand we can only be ripe as to ripe is wrong... You know what I mean?" He articulated to everyone.

_Oink... Oink..._

_A true face-palming moment... We're doomed..._

"Kakashi?"

"Yes, Guy?"

"... You know, I never thought I'd see the day when the only person talking any _damn_ sense is damn pig."

"Agreed. Humanity has lost all intelligence."

Iruka butted in their conversation.

"Who the hell would even pass these two clowns on as ANBU?..." He questioned as the three men stared at Kohaku and Shiro who was busy talking... Again!

"You want to just follow Ton-Ton?" Guy asked.

"Yes." Kakashi replied.

"Yeah." Iruka retorted.

_Moments later_

"Yeah man! I totally fucking agree!"

The two Anbu exchanged satisfied glances before looking around.

"Hey... Where's Kakashi and the others?"

**-Tsunade's Office-**

"Are the preparations complete?" Hidomaru asked to a working Kabuto.

Kabuto was silent for a moment before breaking his intense gaze. "Yes. Soon enough, all of their chakra will be extracted. Including Orochimaru-sama's chakra and DNA." Kabuto whispered, placing the scapel down that he held in his hands.

Anko's Thoughts:

_I still don't see why they had to take off our shirts... Plus what if Kakashi and Iruka saves the day? Look at the bra that I'm wearing. It's plain with basic lacings, but black... They say that black is sexy... But will it be sexy enough for those two?..._

_Wait a fucking second... Ew! Iruka? Save the day? Nahh... Kakashi, yes. Iruka, no._

Tsunade's Thoughts:

_You're one to complain... I wasn't even wearing a bra..._

_Shizune's Thoughts:_

_... Too much information, Lady Hokage... _

_Anko's Thoughts:_

_Shizune... Be quiet. You're the one who got caught for talking WAY TOO LOUD and got your mouth taped, AGAIN._

_Shizune's Thoughts: _

_Whatever... Atleast I'm not caught in a love-triangle with Kakashi and Iruka._

_Tsunade's Thoughts:_

_Shut up the both of you!... I'm in a crisis... My fucking breasts are out in the open!... I bet Orochimaru controls the mind of that Hidomaru guy, and he had them rip our shirt's off JUST to see our breasts!_

_Anko's thoughts:_

_Ew. Incest between me and my former sensei... No. And... Not to be a downer.. But are you sure, those boobs of yours are not implants?..._

_Shizune's Thoughts:_

_Anko~ You were hesitant when you and that snake's relationship was questioned... And Incest?... Truly a dumb thing to think. You two are not brother and sister._

_Tsunade's Thoughts:_

_Hmph! I can't believe you would say the impossible, Anko!... They're not implants... And yeah, Shizune's right. It would not be called incest. Now hurry up and do something to COVER MY CHEST. NOW._

Shizune wiggled her leg around and used her foot to drag a scrap of disgarded cloth. She raised her leg up, and tossed the fabric, half-hoping and praying that it landed on her superior's chest.

Tsunade let out a sigh filled with relief when the cloth hit her breasts, covering them up completely.

_Anko's Thoughts:_

_What a relief... If I had to look at your boobs for another second... Icha Icha life would have flashed before my eyes... And Shizune, I didn't know you were flexable._

_Shizune's Thoughts: _

_Yes, I am. ... Wow... They have lesbians in that book?... Kinky..._

_Anko's Thoughts:_

_Well DUH. Jiraiya made it! When we get out of this mess, I'll have to guide you and let you read some. _

_Tsunade's Thoughts:_

_In fact, I have the whole chapter list of the first book laid out in my mind. _

_Chapter 1: The Snake and The Mouse_

_Chapter 2: Meetings in the Library_

_Chapter 3: The Wetness inbetween- - -_

_Anko and Shizune's Thoughts:_

_WOAH! You? Read? Icha Icha?..._

_Tsunade's Thoughts:_

_..._

_W-What? Heheh, don't be crazy! No, no, no!... Me? Read Icha Icha? Haha... No!_

_Kabuto's Thoughts:_

_I hate to interupt your little chick and female conversations... But, I'm pretty sure people are getting a bit bored and they would like some action._

_The Female's Thoughts:_

_You heard what we were thinking the whole time?_

_Anko's Thoughts:_

_Oh HELL NO!_

_When we get out of this mess, who thinks I should 'Surprise Ninja' this bastard?_

*Ahem*

"Now, before we can proceed with extracting your chakra, any last words?" Hidomaru asked, stifling laughter.

"Oh, that's right! You can't talk because your mouth is taped!" He chuckled, as his tongue aloofly fell out his mouth.

Anko glared and wiggled around in the wooden chair. She was overwhelmed with anger. Too bad the ropes bound her tightly to the chair.

"Trying to run off somewhere?" Hidomaru whispered to Anko; He blew hot air into her ears and used his tongue to lick her cheek. She shook her head over and over, glaring her light brown, pupil-less eyes at him. If that tape was removed from her mouth, she would go off.

Tsunade's amber-colored eyes flickered to Anko's light brown eyes and then to Shizune's dark colored eyes.

"Sui! ! !" Yelled a voice as an extended leg came crashing through the wall. Hidomaru and Kabuto backed out of harm's way, as they tensed and became alert.

"I am the man who hates when women scream between their legs! I am the man who- - -"

"Mmm! Mmm!" Anko's words were muffled by the tape.

(_Her words: Just untie us already and shut the hell up!_)

Kabuto clicked his tongue in annoyance, before grasping a kunai in his hand. "Do we really have to do this?... I mean, our job could be done by now. But, _nooooo_, you just _had_ to come." He complained, striking forth at Guy. He evaded the attack, swinging his leg upward, it followed downward mimicing a crescent kick and an axe kick. The heel of his foot banged against Kabuto's fore-head, causing his glasses to fall off. He closed his eyes, holding his forehead and hit the floor, wincing.

"Yeah! So youthful!" Guy rejoiced, clenching a fist. He started to dash towards Hidomaru, swinging his clenched fist. His knuckles crashed into the jaw of his scaley skin. The half man, half serpent, hit the floor with a thud.

Guy placed his hands on his hips, flashing his one million dollar smile. "Now... Did I do good or what?" He asked to himself.

"Mmm! Mmm!" All of the women yelled through the tape.

_(Just get us out of this already!... DAMN.)_

"Oh yeah... I almost forgot." He remarked, rushing over to Anko, Tsunade and Shizune.

Guy gripped the edge of the tape on Anko's mouth, and he ripped it off.

"Ouch! Damn it! You could have did it slowly and softly, now untie me!" She yelled.

He just rolled his eyes sighing, "Sorry, but Lady Tsunade comes first, and then the cutie- - I mean, Shizune." He stood next to Tsunade, slowly removing the tape from her mouth.

She smiled, nodding her head. "Thank you, Guy."

He nodded his head once, before rushing over to Shizune. As he started to take the tape off of her mouth, he shook a little.

Shizune licked her chapped lips, letting out a heavy sigh. "Thanks, Guy." She whispered, as her lips curved into a small smile. "G-Gee... No, problem, Sh-Shizune..." He murmured back, scratching the nape of his neck.

. . . . .

"Okay, can we cut this crappy bull-shit and untie me, now." Anko screeched. Guy slightly winced at the harshness laced in her tone.

"Fine... We'll untie you know..." He muttered to himself, tugging on the thick ropes. With a few twists, tugs and pulls, including untangling a huge knot, the ropes that bound Anko were loose. She was able to shake the ropes off of her. A heavy sigh escaped her parted lips. She stood up, streching her tired and aching muscles.

Anko turned around just to find Guy staring at her. "What?" She asked, in an oblivious tone.

"W-Why a-are you..."

The two red-wood doors swung open and in strode Kakashi and Iruka. They were both alert but the tension faded when they gazed at Anko.

She turned to them, holding her arms out. "What? What are you guys staring at?" She asked, trying to follow where their gaze rested.

_I-I... I must be in h-heaven! _Iruka screamed on the inside.

_... Woah... She has some nice... ... ... Assets... So plump and-and..._ Kakashi started to think, blushing a bit.

"Okay, are you three going to be fucking weirdos or untie, me? The HOKAGE!" Tsunade snapped, thrashing around in the office chair that she was tied to. The three men snapped out of their dazes and Guy rushed over, quickly untying the ropes for Tsunade and Shizune. The two women stood up, dusting themselves off.

"Now, turn around." Tsunade said. (More like demanded)

The three men, turned their backs to the women and they dropped to the floor, picking up their supposed disgarded clothing.

*Moments Later*

"Do you think this is right?" A skepical Shizune asked, glancing down at the shirt she wore, which was Anko's tight fishnet mesh shirt. The shirt fit tightly around her body and clung to her skin.

"I don't think so..." Tsunade remarked, examining the black blouse that Shizune wore on occasions... That she now had on. Of course, her crevices was revealed throughout the top; After all, it was a "V Neck" designed shirt.

"Pssh, you're telling me." Anko muttered, holding out her arms to show the baggy no-sleeved top that Tsunade wore. The shirt wouldn't fit Anko no way, once so ever. In fact, her bra still showed, even with the shirt on.

"What's not right?" Iruka asked, turning around. His eyes flickered over every woman in the room and they widened. He gulped as his eyes roamed over Anko's curvy figure, Tsunade's busty figure and Shizune's fit figure. "Wow..." He mouthed.

"Baka! Who the hell told you to peek!" Tsunade yelled, putting her hands on her hips. Little did she know, whenever she did _that_, her large chest bounced with her anger.

**(... xD ... Lol, anyone ever notice in the anime whenever Tsunade's mad, or whenever she huffs in anger, her chest bounces? Heheh!)**

She crossed her arms over her chest, glaring at him. "Turn the fuck around before you receive a QUARTER'S pay for this mission!" She threatened, holding a fist up at him.

"Lady Tsunade watch out!" Shizune yelled, as Hidomaru stood up, stumbling towards her.

All of a sudden, a small figure came crashing through the large glass window on the other side of the office.

The room lit up with a shining blue light. A sound reminiscent of birds chirping filled the silence in the office. And here came Sasuke Uchiha, using Chidori on Hidomaru. Hidomaru let out a high pitched scream, as Sasuke thrust his hand into the creature, giving him a fatal blow and he smashed all the way, through the wall of Tsunade's office.

"Damn it! When this is over, all of you fuckers WILL fix this place up!" She yelled. Sasuke inhaled and exhaled heavily, wincing at the small shards of glass that was lodged in different parts of his body. He glared at Kakashi, screeching, "You mean to tell me... All this time... You've been loitering around Konoha reading that STUPID book of yours, with two anbu idiots, that weird green-loving jounin and the desperate tan jounin, and the female jounin? S-Rank Mission my butt! We could have been training! And to think you are always late to practice and- -" The young Uchiha went on and on, babbling while everyone stood dumb-founded at what hell he had just done. Sure Kabuto, managed to slip away without them noticing (Yeah, they still didn't notice and will never notice) and Sasuke wrecked Tsunade's office some more... But he killed Hidomaru, Orochimaru's latest Expirement and Offspring, not to mention, he was getting on Kakashi... Harshly.

_... I never thought I'd be hearing this from Sasuke... Usually Naruto babbles on like this... What's next? Someone goes gay or lesbian?_ Kakashi questioned to himself.

Tsunade's busted doors opened, just to reveal the two anbu, Kohaku and Shiro.

"Oh shit! Oh fuck! You see what that kid did? He came crashin' through the window and shit and was like, BAM! Chidori! Oh shit, ninja!" Kohaku exclaimed, bouncing around with excitement. "Yeah, ninja! Now that the snake-fucker-man is dead, we can get PAID!" Shiro rejoiced.

Kohaku skipped over to the dead Hidomaru and spat, "And one other thing! What you didn't see comin'... Shiro and me... We're gay!"

Everyone was silent, even the pissed off Sasuke Uchiha.

_See, I knew it... This day just gets weirder and weirder... I think I'm going to ignore this conversation... And stare at Anko's... ... ... Assets... Maybe later... We can make-out..._ Kakashi thought to himself, smirking under his mask, at the thought.

Shiro looked around, and perked his lip up. "What? I ain't gay." He said.

Kohaku's smug smile faded and he turned his head around, retorting, "What?... But what about that club you took me to?"

"They play good music."

"What about our trip to Sunagakure...?"

"I wanted to go shopping."

"... What about our pictures with the Raikage...?"

"He makes pictures look good."

"... But what about today, when you said we were taking a shit and you were actually sucking my di-"

"Man, whatever! I'm not gay, point blank, dude!" Shiro shouted, interuppting Kohaku's _interesting_ sentence.

.. .. .. .. .. .. ..

. . . .

. . . . .

"Should I 'Surprise Ninja' these homosexual narcs and then have their minds wiped... So they can start over their horrible lifes... And actually pass their ANBU academy...?" Anko blurted out in the awkward silence.

* * *

_*Everyone's Dream of the Hokage*_

_"Boo-ga-Boo-ga-BOO!"_

_"Ahhh!"_

_"Hey, hey, calm down..."_

_"... The Third Hokage?... What are you doing in my dream?... And... Why are you young and good-looking?" _

_..._

_"I'm not the Third Hokage in your dream. I'm just a ninja... Who is nominated to become the Hokage. But listeennnnn upppppp!" He popped his lips at the "P". _

_*shivers*_

_"Can you **not** sound like a ghost?"_

_..._

_"But it's fun..."_

_"So._

_"Geez... But anyways... Hahaha!"_

_"Can you get on with this...?"_

_"Alright.. We're just gonna' broadcast this to everyone..."_

_*Waits paitently*_

_"So... Uh where are you exactly, Sarutobi... It looks like you're in a book store... Or video-store of some sort."_

_*Sarutobi ignores the question*_

_*Gets out video camera, and starts to video tape*_

_*Sarutobi clears his throat*_

_"*Ahem*. Yall, watching this tape right now... That means I didn't make it... Either I'm a prisoner or worse... Dead. But either way it goes, I'ma tell yall the rules to surviving a situation like this. _

_Rule number one. You gotta' be quick. _

_Rule number two. Never look back. _

_And rule number three. Whatever you do, DON'T FALL._

_*Gulps*_

_Now yall, wish me luck. _

_..._

_Snatch and Run!_

_*grabs awhole bunch of Icha Icha and porn videos*_

_"Aye! Come back here muther-fuckers!" The clerk yelled. *gets out gun*_

_*BANG, BANG*_

_"Son of a Gun!" He screamed as Sarutobi and the others escape*_

_*Video ends*_

_(x_.x) _

_"So... What should I do now Hokage? Please repeat."_

_(-_-)_

_"Fuck it. Get yourself killed."_

* * *

**Done. This was long and I know it. Was this chapter worth the long wait? And that may be the last that you see of Kohaku and Shiro. They were convient at the time. Like it? Was it funny? Made you laugh? Hated it?**

**And, an announcement!**

**School starts for me in a couple of days! So expect updates on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays! It really depends on how much homework and shit I get on other week-days!... Not like I do it anyways! Haha!**

**Well, since I live in south Florida, I have a couple of days off for Memorial Day, which is the Monday after the Aug. 20th Monday...?...**

**Yeah, I'm a teenage girl who doesn't pay attention to her state's holidays! A couple of words:**

**Dubstep, Fanfiction, Red-Velvet Cake, Anime, Manga, Writing and FScene8. That's all my love and devotion!... And Family, Friends and other stuff... INCLUDING all guys who I'd marry and who are hot... Not all of them... Heheh! **

**Anyways, you know the usual, Review PLEASE! Pweddy Please! Reviews makes this teenage girl SO fucking happy! Free huggles for everyone who reviews! Thank you to everyone who alerted/favored/reviewed! Thank you SO much! **

**Thanks For Reading!**

**And another thing: Should I stick with this love triangle thing with Iruka, Anko and Kakashi..? It'll be hard to decide who she'll actually end up with!... But I'm thinking of something completly naughty and limey, not lemony for Kakashi and Anko... Not explicit... Or yes to explicit...? I'd like some input from readers, so don't hesitate to review or P/M me with ideas, criticism, concepts or requests!**

**Oh yeah, plus Updating-wise... I'm not sure about the status of my computer... I can still type, and do stuff on it, it's just that stupid virus is EVIL and it's killing me cuz' It will NOT leave me alone when I TRY TO GO ON THE FUCKING INTERNET! Stupid pop-ups and shit! It's like some bastard who lives in this twisted world of ours, literally has the time of the day to go and make that fake mess and then control everything it does! And I'm not trying to get a life-time grounding from my step-dad if that shitty virus shows up on his lap-top, so... We'll have to see! My computer was punishing me because whenever I went on the internet, I'd NEVER type "www." Never. My bro claims that when you don't do that, you hurt the computer!**

***plays inspriational music***

**So everyone. From now on, promise me that you'll type that "www." stuff! Kay... Nah, I'm joking, it's too much work... Well, I'll do it on occasions. I promise!**

**(These A/Ns are so long... Anyone else agree?)**

**Next Chapter: a surprise for Kakashi/Anko fans... Yeah, their gonna do some stuff... More into everyone's dreamscapes... Will she ACTUALLY become a normal therapist? Nah, you'll have to wait and see!**

**And Omifuckingosh. Who heard about that bitch, *cough* Kristen Stewuart *cough and her cheating on Robert(Rob for short) *sniffle* (I loveee him) Pattinson? She did him SO wrong. I hate her now. Who else is gonna' think *awkward...* when watching Breaking Dawn part 2? Haha!**

**Kumi-Chan/Tobi-Is-Fluffy-Chan**

**P.S: I happen to have many ideas circulating in my head which is ridiculous (but amazing) simply because I got so much to start and finish, BUT, they're really good, so I'm writing them all and finishing them before I publish. And yes, most are Naruto stories. **

**Well that's all!**

**Reviews, pwease! :3**


	7. Kakashi's Problem

_**My excuses this week: Caught the flu, fever, cold, sore-throat, pmsing, crniggadaianitis and vomiting. All of that fits in the time range of me, not updating until now. **_

_**What is crniggadaianitis? It's only the third, this upcoming Monday will mark the fourth, week of school and I already have a new ethnic that I go by! Cracker-Nigga-Canadian-Jamacian. (craa-niggah- da-nation)**_

_**._.**_

_**Add itis to that and you get crniggadaianitis; otherwise known as a mixed person with the itis. These chuckle-heads at my school are retards. No lie. **_

_**Anyways, here's a new update.**_

_**I'm not my usual self. I am extremely pissed. So, sorry to be a downer. You all know the usual: Thanks for reviews, etc, etc. Really means a lot to me.**_

_**Now for that surprise for the KakaAnko lovers, it happens this chappie.**_

_**Enchoy.**_

* * *

_**Disclaimers: I own nothing.**_

* * *

_**Written By: Tobi-Is-Fluffy-Chan/Kumi-Chan**_

_**Chapter 7: Kakashi's Problem**_

_**Anko Mitarashi**_

_**Kakashi Hatake**_

_**Etc**_

* * *

_**No warnings this chapter. The craziness is over... For now.**_

* * *

_Kakashi's POV_

I lean my head back on the couch. "It'll... mean something." I say, scratching my unruly head full of silver hair. Aren't I supposed to be the guy in this scenario, laying down the rules?... Nope. Anko's in charge.

"And no tongue," she adds.

I smirk under my mask.

"_Anko_, if I kiss you, I guarantee there's gonna' be tongue."

She hesitates.

"I promise it won't mean anything... But aren't you glad that the craziness if finally over? I mean... I did save the day, didn't I?"

She rolled her enticing, light brown eyes. "No, Kakashi, your Uchiha kid saved the day. And Kabuto's punk-ass got away." She seethed, placing her hands in her lap. "So _sure_! Of course, _you saved the day._" Anko sarcastically remarked.

I think she's testing me.. To see how much I can take before I crack. Doesn't she know what she wears, gets me in unwanted moods?... She does that on purpose...

But her eyelids close and she leans closer, I realize it's going to happen. This woman of my dreams, this woman who is more like me than some women I've ever met... Wants to kiss me. I take over control as soon as she tilts her head. I pull my mask down and our lips touch for the briefest moment before I lace my fingers in her dark violet hair and keep kissing her soft and gentle. I cup her cheek in my palm, feeling her baby-soft skin against my fingers. My body urges me to take advantage of the situation, but my brain (the one inside of my head) keeps me in check.

A satisfied sigh escapes Anko's mouth as if she's content to stay in my arms forever.

I brush the tip of my tongue against her lips, encouraging her to open her mouth. She tentatively meets my tongue with her own. Our mouths and tongues mingle in a slow, erotic dance, entwining together until the sound of the front door opening makes her head jerk away.

_Damn..._

_Regular POV_

In burst none other than Guy. His eyes widened and the corner of his lips tugged up into a triumphant smile. He gave Kakashi a 'thumbs up.'

"Way to go, Kakashi! Finally got your girl!" He exclaimed, slamming the door and leaving.

_Is she my girl?... _Kakashi thinks.

A pissed off Anko, turned her head back to Kakashi, fixating a glare on him.

"You told me, you locked the door!" She hissed, turning her head away from him.

Kakashi was silent for a moment before, cupping both of her cheeks. He pressed his lips briefly against hers. Dark colored eyes stared into light brown eyes, until the light brown eyes fluttered shut; and she brought her lips back to his.

_Anko's POV_

I grabbed the thick hair at the base of his neck, pulling that gorgeous head of his down. Eh, I'm not _that_ mad at him...

Kakashi keeps his hands at his side, but when I part my lips, he groans against my mouth. His strong hands wrap around me, pulling me in closer to his body. Kakashi's velvet tongue mingles with mine, creating an unfamiliar sensation deep within my body. Oh fuck... This is more than making out, it's... Well, damn. It feels like _so_ much more!

His hands never stopped moving; one circles my back while the other plays with my hair. Of course this touchy shit feels so good! But, Kakashi's not the only one exploring. My hands are roving all over him, feeling his muscles tense beneath my hands and heightening my awareness of him. Soon enough, there's another knock on the door.

He broke the kiss, letting out another sigh before pulling his mask back up. I scratched the nape of my neck before leaning my elbow on the arm of the couch. My lips purse, while he's at the door, reluctantly answering it. "Ya' know... I have no fucking idea why you hide your face behind that mask, Kakashi." I sighed, winking at him. He rolled his eyes, shrugging his shoulders a bit.

When he opened the door, someone who we were not expecting to see, stood there. Lady Hokage, Tsunade.

Well, couldn't say I wasn't surprised... 'Cause we did just see her, but... This was kind of unexpected.

"I came here because I have an important mission for you, Kakashi." Lady Tsunade says.

Mission? Didn't we JUST complete a fucking mission?! Unbelieveable!... I would say better him than me, but that's Kakashi... I actually like him.

"With all due respect..." I blurted out, "Don't you think that the four of us deserve a break...?" I reluctantly question. And as the 'four of us', I referr to me, Guy, Kakashi and Iruka. Tsunade's amber-colored eyes flicker to look at me. She places her hands on her hips, huffing, "This mission isn't as bad as it seems."

Kakashi was silent as she went on and on about a ninja's duty.

_Yawn._

"Well, I'll catch ya' later..." I waved to Kakashi, heading for the door. Before I leave, Tsunade remarks, "Oh, and Mitarashi, more people are in need of therapy... Sasuke Uchiha being one of them."

_The Uchiha kid...? Therapy?! Hmph! Let the challenge begin._

_. . . . . _

_. . ._

_. _

_. . ._

_. . . . ._

_The Next Day_

-Knock, Knock-

I groaned, throwing my _Icha Icha_ novel down on my wooden-end table. It hit the surface with a loud 'THUD!'.

I sighed heavily before opening the door. Standing there, glaring at the wooden floors was Sasuke Uchiha himself. "Well, come on in..._ So I can get this over with..._" I say, whispering the last part to myself. He reluctantly walks in, kicking off his sandals and sitting on my love-seat sofa.

"Still have ettiqute, eh?" I tease, placing my hands on my hips and raising an eyebrow. Those stoic but cold, onyx colored eyes glower at me. "Still have a loud mouth that only _shit_ comes out of, eh?" He sasses back, crossing his arms over his chest.

Wow, gotta give the Uchiha kid credit... Wasn't expecting that one.

"This isn't over..." I whisper, taking a seat on the couch across from him. He shrugged his shoulders. "I could really care less, because nothing began." He retorted, staring up at the ceiling with that same glare. I swear, if he narrowed his eyes even further, they would rip right out of his eye-sockets...

"So, why don't we start with: why the fuck are you here?" I question, shifting my position on the couch so that I was sitting criss-cross. "I'd ask you the same question." He replied in a low and cold tone.

_What the fuck is this kid's problem... And Iruka says I have attitude. I think he needs to be beat at his own game. _

"It amuses me that someone as weak as you recovered so quickly from last night's damage." I remark, sticking my tongue out at him. The Uchiha kid gritted his teeth, narrowing his eyes further. _Damn... Didn't think he'd be able to do it, though..._

"Oh and I gotta tell you about my dream of your brother and his shark partner the night before... What was his name again?... Uh, Ita- is what it started with... Hmm, uh... Itachi! That's right. He and his friend was in need of _much_ therapy. Just like you." I chimed in, shrugging my shoulders and plastering a smug smile on my face.

Sasuke's fists clenched and before I knew it, he growled and jumped me. We broke out into a wrestle. Holy shit, this child was indeed in need of some fucking therapy.

-Knock, Knock-

I picked up the squirming boy and threw him over to some random side of the room, running to get the door. A kind of pissed-looking Iruka stood there, tapping his foot on the hard-wood floors of the hallway. "Hey, Iruka." I sighed.

All of a sudden, the Uchiha kid grabbed my foot and pulled me back, making me land on top of him and hit the floor. The door closed shut in Iruka's face as that happened.

"Damn it, you fucking brat!" I yelled, slapping him over and over in the face. I made him roll over to the couch and I stood up, dusting myself off before getting the door again. "Sorry about that, babes, now what was it that you wanted?" I asked, raising an eyebrow to the sort of bummed-out and confused tan guy. Iruka started to fidget around before, squaring his shoulders and clearing his through.

"Come on, Buck-O. I got a therapy session going on, at the moment. My client isn't too happy right now..." I sighed.

Then, a loud crash was heard. I slammed the door and turned around aburptly just to see shattered pieces of a vase on the floor. Standing next to the shatter and broken vase was _him, _with a mischeaous smirk on that pale face of his.

"Oh fuck no! You messed with the wrong chick today, Uchiha!" I yelled, and started to stomp over to him. But alas, what he had behind his back stopped me.

My _Icha Icha: 1_ book. I let out a gasp that sounded like a referee blowing a whistle.

His eyes widened in fake sympathy and in his other hand was a lighter. "No! Don-" I started to scream.

"Ah, ah, ah! Don't make any sudden movements." He warned, flipping the book open. "Now let me get a look at all of this garbage, my sensei reads with you." He says, poking his head in the book. I let out a heavy sigh.

Oh well, there goes the kid's virginity...

Sasuke quickly threw the book down, looking away and not meeting my amused gazed. I fleetly crawled over and picked up my book, hugging it to my chest. I kissed it over and over. No one will ever separate us again!

The Uchiha kid was blushing madly. I stuck my tongue out at him, before rushing back to the door. I opened it, and gave Iruka an apologetic look for the first time in... Eh, forever. "Sorry, kidd. But my client... Took someone hostage because of his mental problems. He's balling his eyes out and _jacking off_ at the moment." I explained. Iruka's face twisted up into utter horror, confusion and he even blushed.

He scratched the nape of his neck, flashing me a considerable toothy grin. "Uh, A-Anko... That was a bit too much information... But would you like to... Go on a dat-" I slammed the door back in his face when I head the water running. Too bad I might never get to know what he wanted to say.

What?! I'm obvilious as fuck, now a-days. See what had happened was, I read this _Icha Icha_ book and now everything in my head... I forget and I can't comprehend. True fucking story.

I scanned the room for Sasuke but my attention turned to the kitchen sink that was over flowing with water. That bastard. I quickly rushed over to the sink, placing my _Icha Icha_ book in the side of my skirt before unplugging the sink-plug and watching the water flow out, down the drain. I grabbed a towel before the small river of water could flow onto the carpet I had just brought.

That kid was going to get it. I'd expct Naruto to do some shit like this... But Sasuke Uchiha? The Uchiha, stoic, cold-motherfucker? No!

I left the towel on the floor and rushed to the other side of my apartment where my bookshelve and other knick-knacks rested. I looked under the futon I had resting over there, checked the closet door and even behind the recliner couch. No Uchiha kid... Was he actually doing the do in my bathroom because of the _Icha Icha_...?! No! That's the impossible. Maybe Naruto or that Renji kid... But not him.

I rushed to my bedroom door, and twisted the door-knob. Fuck! It was locked. That mother-fucker locked himself in my room! I let out an irritated sigh before walked back over to the door. I slowly opened it, peaking to see if Iruka was still there.

"Yes, I am still here." He said, outloud. I jumped back, startled for a second. Did he read my mind?...

Wait a second...

Holy shit... I just read my own mind.

...

...

Oh wait, everyone can do that. I opened the door real wide and stared at him. "Sorry but my client is now playing hide and seek or either doing the do in my bathroom or taking a shit. He got problems..." I blurted out.

"Maybe I should come back later..." He whispered pointed his thumbs to the opposite direction where my apartment was which was the exit out of the building. I shook my head 'no', and grabbed his arm. "Don't go!" I told him. Those two word must have made him REAL happy because he sort of squeal...?! And blushed deeply. "Help me catch him and calm him down and I'll do anything you want!" I pleaded, leading him inside.

I kept my gaze on his eyes, trying to interept his answer. He stared back into my eyes before smirking deviously. "...Anything?" He questioned, sound much like a pedophile. My shine started to shiver. "No, fucktard. Not anything... It depends..." I sighed. All of a sudden, I heard the sounds of small pieces of wood breaking... I glanced to my left just to see my collection of dango sticks which formed Konoha's symbol, that were bored into the wall on one side of my apartment into fucking bits and pieces.

That's it, that Uchiha kid was going to get it!

I turned back to Iruka. "Yes, dude. I'll do _anything_."

He nods his head once before ordering, "Close the door and lock it."

I did as I was told and stood by the door. Sasuke finally revealed himself from behind the love-seat sofa. He snickered, "I'm not scared of any of you jounin." He then glared at me, hissing, "Especially you, _ko_."

I gasped. "Did you just call me a bimbo?" I asked, covering my mouth. He nodded. "That's what ko mean, idiot."

I glared back at him.

Sasuke's gaze flickered to Iruka. "What are you doing here, Iruka-Sensei?" He questioned, crossing his arms over his chest. Iruka ignored one of his former students and turned back to me. "So, you're telling me, if I catch Sasuke, then you'll do anything I want?" He asks, crossing his arms, as his face changed into a solemn expression.

"Whatever your heart desires." I retort... But oh, fuck. I know that saying that will get this twenty-nine to thirty year old virgin's hopes up. I sighed before rolling my eyes.

"What do you mean, catch me?" Sasuke asks, hating the fact that he was ignored. _Twice._ "Get me some rope, cat ears and a sharpie marker." He orders... So who would like to tell me why I find him so sexy right now for knowing that I love the Uchiha kid dressed like a cat? Yeah, I don't know either.

Sasuke backed up, hitting the wall.

"Iruka-Sensei?..." He says, uneasily as Iruka slow walks over to him... MENACINGLY!

.

. .

. . .

. . . .

"I hate you for being on the ko's side. You were once my darn sensei but you side with her for your own perverted schemes? Unbelieveable." Sasuke blabbers on and on while glaring those dark eyes of his at Iruka. Iruka let's of a sigh before tying the rope that bound Sasuke to the chair in a knot. "It is all worth it, Sasuke. Trust me, when you get to be old and mature like me, then you'll understand." He whisperes into the Uchiha's ears. Iruka must not think I can here him, but I can.

"When I get as old as you, I truly hope I am not a stupid, perverted jounin who only cares about getting ass from a ko."

"Okay! You got one more time to call me fucking bimbo!" I shout at him, glaring my light brown eyes as he sticks his tongue out at me, as a way to taunt. I calm myself down just before smirking evilly and grabbing a cheeta-print design head band with cat-ears attached to them. I get my sharpie mark, drawing his whiskers and placing the headband on his head.

"Now meow for me, pussycat!" I purr, teasing him back.

"You..." He starts to say but I can tell he held his tongue.

I laid down on the couch, resting my head in the crook of my crossed arms. "So, pussycat, tell Aunty Anko what's got you all feeling... Rebellious? Is it because the ol' pussycat lost his fight with the snake and got bitten? Or because the pussycat's nails are not as tough as nails and he wants to become strong-strong?" I ask, in an innocent, babyish tone.

Sasuke let's out a sigh, staring at my fluttering eyes as I wait for his response. He opens his mouth as if he's going to say something important. Instead, he burps loudly. "I drank all of that stuff in the kitchen. So it's gone now..." He says, leaning his head back on the chair.

Damn.

And I actually thought I was getting somewhere.

"Ko."

He blurts out one more time because he knows that I know that I will lose my mind, if he called me a "ko", which is a bimbo one more tume.

Now this time, _I_ growled and jumped him.

***Meanwhile***

_Kakashi's POV_

My one visible eye twitched from the disturbance. These two babies, Rui and Mary would NOT STOP CRYING.

Yes, if you are wondering, Lady Tsunade tasked me with watching these two little babies until she returned with the mother of the two. But that was over an hour ago and she has not returned. I let out a sight, standing in the middle of my living room, with one baby in each hand, rocking them back and forth. Yet, they still cried.

Curse my luck. Anko and I could be practicing out some Icha Icha scenes, but _noooo_, Lady Tsunade had to give _me_ this mission. Why not Asuma and Kurenai? At this point they should be the ones practicing for making babies. It would definately prove as a task to them... Not me. Worst of all... What if Iruka was with Anko now? Just yesterday before we reached the inside of Lady Hokage's office where all of the bull-shit wnet down, he was braggingto me about how he was going to as her out, today.

So you know what I did?

I dragged Anko away from the scene where those two idiots, Kohaku and Shiro went on about not being gay and being gay, after Lady Tsunade and the others were cheering at the victory that Guy and Sasuke had brought us to. I carrying the screaming Anko who was punching me and yelling at me, to let her down all the way back to my house and _ta-da_! That's how you came up with the scene of us making out until the Hokage _had_ to interrupt and give me this mission. Fuckery, right? Anko has me using that word now... She's so amazing.

My thoughts were intruded because one of the two babies, Rui, to be exact grabbed my mask and pulled it down. Mari used the paws, Shizune likes to call "adorable hands", to grab a portion my face and dig her small claws into my nose. When's the last time their mother clipped their finger nails? Damn!

I unlatched her small and cubicle hand from my face and placed her on the carpeted floor, before pulling my mask back up and placing Rui next to her... But, hey! They stopped crying!

I crouched down to their level and smiled under my mask. "You two little ones, finally stopped crying." I say, placing my hand on my head. Before I can let out a sigh of relief, Rui's lip puckers out and his big, bubbly eyes widen. He starts to cry again, screaming those tiny but loud lungs, that he seems to possess out. Mari's lip puckers out and as soon as she turns to glance at her brother crying, she starts to cry, screaming even louder than him.

They cry at the same time, leaving a double effect that they did the last time, when they cried out of key. Instead of scratching my hair, like I intended to do when they weren't crying, I pull my unruly silver hair in fustration. Never seen me, Kakashi, like this? Well, now you are.

I let out a heavy sigh, sitting on the couch and watching the two of them duke it out. Maris on the carpeted floor, rolling around, crying and Rui's sitting up, crying and moving his hands around as if he's trying to grab something. I sigh again.

Maybe if I read some _Icha Icha_... And block them out, then they'll cry until they fall asleep... Babies do that.. Right?

I pick up the book and flip it open to page fifty-five which is where I last left off at. I want to be able to take everything in and read it as well as imagine it which is why I re-read every paragraph... Twice.

_Kakashi Imagining Him and Anko._

_"Kakashi..." Anko purred, placing her hands on her hips. They are in a room with a king-sized bed and the lights are dimmed. Kakashi smirks, rubbing his chin, taking in all of the female's appearance. _

_She is in a vulgar stance, her long and irrestible legs are out in the open because of the short black dress that she has on and her hair is tied in a sloppy but sexy ponytail. She slides her panties down her legs and as they fit the tiled floor, he licks his lips. She kicks them to the side, slowly walking over to him. _

_End Scenario_

_(Before things get out of control...)_

"Wahhh!" The baby, Rui cried on an on, interrupting Kakashi's little fanatasy. With a short, irritated exhale, Kakashi closed the Icha Icha book and placed it on the table with small force.

He stood up, crouching down to the two infant's levels and picked up the silent Mari. She was silent for one reason; She took a shit.

Kakashi picked up Rui as well and he was still crying for one reason; He took a piss.

He carried the infants over to their changing station and placed them both down, so that they were laying on their backs. Mari faced one way and Rui faced the other. Kakashi picked up a couple of wipes, before opening the diaper that Rui had on. He wiped the infant boy clean, removed the diaper from him but stopped in his tracks. He glanced at a silent but yawning Rui who had his dangling in the air, since it was a baby instinct that all had when they were getting their pampers changed and looked at the waste-basket that sat near the kitchen counter on the other side of his house's living room.

He quickly wrapped the pamper up and tossed it, hoping it went in the basket. Thankfully it did, and he smiled to himself, turing around to finish his first task. As soon as he reached for the vasoline to prevent little Rui from getting a rash, a yellow liquid started to sprinkle up and it doused the white T-shirt, that Kakashi was sporting.

He glanced down to the two giggling babies. So they didn't laugh at him, when he danced around like a clown but they did laugh when he got pee on himself.

_As long as they are not crying..._ He thought to himself, before continuing his job. With a Rui, who was finished being changed, he placed the infant down on the carpeted floor and started to change Mari. As soon as he opened the diaper, the putrid smell lingered up his nostrils and he backed up, quickly covering his nose with a baby wipe. The fresh scent filled his nose and he took a step forward, grabbing over five wipes and starting to clean the baby.

Mari pooped so much that it reached up to the small of her back and the shit stained her cotton-candy pink, onesie. Kakashi sighed, removing the onesie her and tossing it in a clothes bin. He gave her a wipe down and after that, he reapplied baby-lotion on her entire body. _(Arms, hands, legs, feet, back and chest)_

Little did he know, as he worked to clean the little baby, that Rui crawled over to where his Icha Icha book rested which Kakashi had knocked down on the floor when he stood up to get the two babies.

_Ripppp!_

Kakashi turned around aburptly, yelling "NOOOOOO!" When he saw that a laughing Rui had a ripped page of the book in his hand.

He needed some help. And fast.

*Moments Later*

-Knock, Knock, Knock-

Kakashi quickly rose up from his seat, opening the door, just to reveal Anko, wearing a pretty fishnet dressed with short, black boots which surprised the shit out of him. She shrugged her shoulders to his look. "What? You did say you wanted me to come over. What are we doing?" She asked, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. "Renacting some Icha Icha...?" She questioned. Kakashi laughed nervously.

"Even... _Better."_ He chimed in, guiding her over to his living room area. Kakashi closed the door behind him and laid down on the couch, fluffing the pillow, laying his head down on it, and burying himself with the thick blanket.

"Please do me a favor and watch the two babies, while I get some rest." He said, but his words were muffled. Anko glanced around the house just to find Rui, crawling on Kakashi's kitchen counter and Mari playing with the white T-shirt. She just now put it over her head and was cooing, because she has a baby's mind and thinks it is fun.

"Ninja, 'fuck you mean watch the babies?" Anko seethed.

**-Snoreeeeeee-**

Kakashi was knocked out. Anko let out a sigh, before gathering Mari in one hand and tossing the shirt that was covered in piss over to some random part of Kakashi's living room and catching Rui in her other hand before he fell off the counter and cracked that little knogin of his. The babies glanced up at Anko with their big and bubbly, blue eyes and started to giggle. Mari reached up and started patting her cheeks. Rui started bouncing in her arms and even knocked his head back, making Anko almost drop him.

"Damn it, kidd! You almost made me drop you!" She yelled. Both of the babies paused, puckered their lips out and cried... _at the same damn time!_

Anko's eyes twitched and she walked into the kitchen, grabbing two bottle that were already made, curtesy of Kakashi.

"Darn... He must have had this all planned out..." She whispered, eyeing the two cereal-bottles filled with baby milk and cereal. It was two for each baby. Then her eyes flickered to the four regular milk bottles and the two jar-foods of apple-sauce and bananas.

She sat on the snoring Kakashi's legs and placed Rui on one side of her lap and Mari on the other side of her lap. "Hold on, let me get comfortable." She told to the two of them as they bounced around on her lap. She kicked off her boots and socks, wiggling her toes around. Mari reached for the purple-polished toe nail of Anko's pinkie toe but she was stopped at the sudden appearance of one of the bottles.

The two babies reached out for their bottles and the violet-haired woman complied by sticking the nipples in their mouths.

"Now where the hell is your mama?" She asked as they drank the milk. Waiting for them to answer, which she knew was impossible, she let out a sigh. Her eyes flickered to the sleeping Kakashi, who was snoring away.

"I'll get you later..." She murmured, taking her attention off of the two babies. But as soon as she did that, Rui grabbed his bottle and chuck it across the room. Mari grabbed her bottle's nipple and started squeezing it; Milk squirted all over her face and Anko's arm.

"Damn it!" She cussed, taking the bottle from Mari. "So what, do you two want jar-food or milk?" She asked. Surprisingly, Mari bounced up and down and Rui started to coo, "Mum-Mum-Mum-Mum-Mum!"

Rolling her eyes, Anko got up, with both of them in her hands and she walked into the kitchen. Her hands reached for the apple-sacue and the bananas, but Mari grabbed one, flinging it to the ground. Of course, the jar broke. Anko looked down, narrowing her eyes. "Okay... So NO, jar-food for you two... THEN." She said through gritted teeth, trying her best to control her temper. She placed them on the carpeted floor and grabbed a thick, comforter blanket and spread it out, making a pallet. Anko placed the two on the pallet and let out a sigh as they began to do what babies did.

They cooed, moved around... And Rui fell back with a "oof", and stuck his foot in his mouth, chewing on his toes with his teethless gums. Anko got up, grabbing a couple of toys and placed them in front of the two infants.

**Later On**

"Why are you crying?" She asked to the crying Rui and Mari. Of course, the only answer she got was more crying.

She tried to do what Kakashi did. She picked up his Icha Icha book and tried to read but upon finding a ripped page, she got angry and chucked the book somewhere, making a vase fall and break, causing them to giggle.

But after a few minutes, they went right back to their crying.

_Think, Anko. Think. What will make these two stop?..._

_Maybe if I... Acted like a snake!_

Anko stuck her slightly long tongue out and started to "sssss". Rui and Mari paused before tilting their head to the side.

_Rui's Mind:_ _Uh, sis? What is this lady doing?_

_Mari's Mind: I dunno... Uh, bro... If we stop crying, will she stop... Because it's creepy._

_Rui's Mind: Yes... Crying will make her continue..._

After two mintutes, the two babies stopped their whining/crying. "Can't believe it actually worked..." She said outloud, earning their crying to continue.

_Rui's Mind: She talked! Let's cry again!_

_Mari's Mind: Okay! Wahhhh!_

"Damn..." She murmured, snapping her fingers and pouting. Anko was stuck and she couldn't take anymore of the darn crying.

Anko grabbed locks of her hair before a light-bulb popped off. She grabbed their stroller, kicked on her socks and boots and placed the two of them in the stroller. "Alright, husband! Me and the children are off!" She giggled, stepping out the door before closing it shut.

*Moments Later*

Anko stepped back in the house, closing the door and walking back in the living room with a sleeping Rui and Mari in her hands. She gently laid them down on the pallet.

_They look so fucking peaceful..._ She thought, smirking a bit. Anko let out a sigh and wiped away real sweat, this time, sitting on the floor, watching them sleep.

All of a sudden, Kakashi stood up, his eyes are bloodshot and wide. He then dropped down to the floor, resting his head on Anko's lap. She glanced down at him with confusion written all over her face.

"So, comfy..." He sighed, smiling as his arms wrapped around Anko's waist and grabbed her butt, a little.

"Ninja, wake the fuck up." She hissed, rolling her eyes. Kakashi peeked one eye open, grinning at her. "Thanks for watching the kids for me, wife." He sighed again, closing his eyes again.

"Woah, woah, woah... W-Wife? Kids? Ninja, 'fuck you mean?" She asked.

"Hey, you're the one who said 'husband and and the kids are going out'... something to that effect," he pointed out.

Anko was silent for a moment.

"Wife..? Don't be mad at me." Kakashi joked around, raising his head up. Just then, his door opened just to reveal a young woman and Tsunade. The woman's eyes narrowed and she rushed over, punching Kakashi. "How dare you and your girlfriend makeout in front of the babies!" She yelled. Kakashi winced, sighing, "Chill out, Kuriko. They are sleeping." She halted the violence before, smiling and laughing nervously.

"Sorry, Kakashi, heheh..."

"Mission, complete." Tsunade announced. "I thought you two were gonna' do it or something..." Kuriko, pointed out before collecting her babies' things. "Here's your pay." Tsunade added, haning Kakashi a check. Anko glared at him the whole entire time. And as Kuriko, the two babies in the stroller and Tsunade were about to leave, Rui and Mari burst of crying.

Kuriko stood in front of them, kneeling down, so they could see her face. "Aw, babies, what's wrong? You don't want to leave?" She asked, pouting. Anko stood up, sighing, "I got this..." She took two big leaves from out of her boot and covered her face with them.

"Peek-a-boo!" She exclaimed, in front of the two. They stopped crying and started giggling. Anko's lips curved into a warm smile. She handed the leaves to Kuriko and waved them good-bye. "Not bad..." Tsunade told her, before leaving as well.

Anko let out a heavy sigh, closing the door behind them. Kakashi hugged her from behind, pulling her in close to him. "Aw, what's wrong? Sad that they had to leave?" He asked.

Anko looked at the ground, shrugging her shoulders a bit.

**. . .**

**. .**

**.**

**. .**

**. . .**

Kakashi smirked. He started to unzip the zipper on the back of her fishnet dress. "Well... Let's make some babies of our own." He chimed.

Anko's eyes widened, and she reached behind, slapping him.

"Ninja, I said fucking no!"

* * *

**Hehe, we are done! Like it? Tell meh, you loved it?**

**Haha, okay, so the authors note at the top was typed like a week ago... Including the make-out scene, so just to let you all know, I'm not pissed anymore! **

**I'd like to thank everyone for reviews, and whatnot! Thank You, so much! It means a lot!**

**I do have school, so that's what's up and I did get sick, A LOT. I was not lying! But anyways, how was this?**

**Next chappie is for Iruka/Anko fans, if there is any! It's way better and funnier than this! I promise that!**

**Please, review! Cuz, it makes me happy! We reached 31, and I am happy! This is now, my story with the highest reviews! (I had a lot of them in the 40s, 50s and even one in the 100s but those got deleted. -_- Fuck fanfiction admins for that) But keep them coming, pwease!**

**Thanks for Reading!**

**Stay tooned for the next chappie! **

**And, the therapy is coming back, soon!**

**Kumi-Chan/Tobi-Is-Fluffy-Chan**

**P.S: Sorry for not replying back to reviews, I'll do it next chapter for sure! Thanks!**


	8. Iruka's Problem

Isn't it some fuck shit because it took me this long to update, _Anko The Therapist_? Sorry guise, but my mind has really been elsewhere. As much as I get a kick out of writing fanfiction, please readers, getting a shitload of alerts, favorites and reviews, I took a break. I focused on other works and sort of left this one in the dust.

I had been working on this chappie, but it ended up being halfway done and I lost interest in this chapter alone.

However, here's that update!

My imagination doesn't get as wild as it does with the epic saga one with Orochimaru/Kabuto and uh, Hidomaru, but it's here!

**WARNING:** This chapter contains what may be considered as Iruka bashing! AND MAJOR FOUL LANGUAGE!

* * *

_**Replies to Reviewers: **_

_**(Chappie 6 and 7)**_

_**Mage: Well, hello there! Welcome to the craziness! Now, I can see that you said that is is crazy... BUT YOU LIKE IT! That brings a smile to my face! (^u^) **_

_**It's Anko. So what did cha' expect? This isn't some normal therapist fic... I'll tell you that! Heheh, enchoy this chappie! Anko... Normal. It's anything, BUT.**_

_**Jimmy: Hey dude. Thanks for chur reviews! Ah, and yes, thank you again. You could say I had the fucking plague. I felt like COMPLETE shit. But, I'm back. And better. Glad you like the chappies, and here's that update! It's funny when Guy and Kakashi play rock, paper and scissors, though. So I HAD to put that up in there... With the epic twist. **_

_**LeMemeFox: Kakashi, my little pervert! -insert pedophile grin- I dunn think she'll get normal... Not in this story. I am however planning a short chappie where something to that effect happens. Poor Iruka, heheh, I hate to kinda bash him, so that's why in this chappie... There isn't as much... That also might be a lie. Haha! **_

_**JerrieHiguarashi16: Yo chica! How's ya been? Thank chu, hehe! I miss ya, too! But anyways, I'm done with Kristen Stuewart... She's WAY too slutty and is unforgiven by me. Blah, blah, blah! I did my best to make it funnay, hehe! Enchoy this one! It's all for the Iruka/Anko fans... If there is any... Poor Iruka. So what, who do people prefer him paired with?**_

_**Yeah, who do you all prefer Iruka to be paired with?**_

_**-insert GIANT question mark-**_

* * *

_**Anko, The Therapist.**_

_**. . .**_

_**.**_

_**. .**_

_**. . .**_

_**Disclaimers: I do not own no one in this chappie, or at all. I do ownz the plot, *smacks lips* Okay? Mmmhhhmmm! Yeah, this crniggadian is a soulll sista'! Haha! Kishimoto-sempai owns the characters, even Orochimaru! (Who I would let rape me... Sadly. I'm weird. You should all know that.)**_

_**Now, shall I introduce our two main characters for ze chappie?**_

_**Crowd: Yes!**_

_**Anko: Hey people, dudes, dudettes, zombies, fucktards and Iruka.**_

_**Iruka: ... So, why do I qualify for my own category?**_

_**Anko: Because.**_

_**Iruka: Because what?**_

_**Anko: You're lammmmmeeee, babes.**_

_**LeMemeFox: HA!**_

_**Jimmy: Burn.**_

_**Jerrie: Poor Iruka-babbeh!**_

_**Iruka: Screw you all... That's why this chapter is about ME.**_

_**Anko: Yeah... And the fact that you have no *BLOCKS OUT***_

_**Kumi: Chick, we aren't trying to give away the whole ordeal about the chappie!**_

_**Enough of our babbling!**_

* * *

Written By: Tobi-Is-Fluffy-Chan

Chapter 8: Iruka's Problem

Starring:

Anko Mitarashi

Iruka Umino

Etc

* * *

**WARNING: This chapter may contain slight Iruka bashing. So sorry, guy. Not**_** the**_** Guy, but just the word guy. Hehehehhh!**

**-insert Peter Griffin laugh-**

* * *

"So... Tell me again... Why and how your pussycat died." Anko slurred, getting her most aloof and bored-out-of-my-fucking-mind expression written all over her face. The elderly woman sniffled and blew her nose that glowed bright red from the pressure, into a tissue.

She took a deep breath before whining, "I-I already told you... He... he... fell out of a tree!" She burst out crying once again.

A heavy and irritated sigh escaped Anko's mouth. "There. There. It's okay." She coaxed, sarcasticness, dripping from her tongue, on every word.

"Y-Yes. Th-Thank you, deary... -Puss was such a nice... loyal kitty..." The lady sighed. Anko nodded her head, picking up the clip-board and writing: **this elderly bitch is so annoying with her stupid cat. I. Want. Dango.** She let out another exhale before her eyes flickered up at the sobbing old lady. "Wait... If Mr. Pussy Cat fell out of a tree, how come... No ninja caught him, or you didn't inform anyone?... Plus, I'm pretty sure those tired old bones of yours has some strength left or chakra to get that cat down." She slurred, waiting for the lady to answer.

"... I'm 91 years old!" The old lady yelled.

"Hey, hey... Don't get no fucking attitude... Doesn't cats have nine-lives or something to that effect?" Anko sassed back.

"He fell out of the tree nine times."

"Well, damn."

_Next Patient  
_

"So... Why did you hit Sasuke Uchiha with your shoe again?" Anko asked, boredom laced in her tone. She leaned her elbow on the couch, waiting for the teenage girl to answer her question.

The brunette girl let out a sigh, before continuing to chew her gum.

"Be-CAUSE, I, like, asked him on a date, and that... that mean boy didn't even answer! Plus when I followed him, he gave me the most meanest look ever and stuck the gum that I offered him in my perfect hair!" She whined.

_Yep, that's Uchiha, alright._ Anko thought.

_Next Patient  
_

"So... Why did you tap your teeth, too much to the fact that it annoys everyone?" Anko questioned to an aloof Kiba, who kept on tapping his canine teeth.

"Well, people say they look like fangs!" He told her, gaping into the mirror that was behind her, and continuing to tap the pearly, white canine "fangs" that he had.

_Next Patient  
_

"So... Why did you send a swarm of bees to chase Konohamaru?" The violet-haired woman asked, smirking a bit at the stoic Shino.

"..."

"Are you going to be silent this whole session?" She questioned to Shino's silence.

"..."

All of a sudden, a misquito landed on Anko's arm and she slapped it before it could bite her.

Shino's eyes widened under the black-tinted glasses that he wore. He stood up, heading for the door.

"What? Where are you going?" Anko asked, watching him leave out the door.

_Seconds Later_

"Holy shit! Roach! Roach! Holy fuck! Roach! Help me! A stupid, nasty fucking roach is in my apartment!" Anko yelled at the top of her lungs.

_Next Patient  
_

"You know how I was obsessed with cheese?... Well, now I have a craving for dango... And pie... And cheese-cake." Chouji sighed.

Anko's eyes twitched. "When are you NOT obsessed with food?"

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"You're a fatass." - "Get out of my apartment."

Choji's squinted eyes widened. "Well, then!"

_Next Paitent_

...

"So, um... Why are you here again, Akamaru?..."

"Arrf! Woof! Arrf!"

...

"And how does that make you feel...?"

"Aaarrrf!"

_End of the day_

_Man... What a bunch of chuckle-heads..._ Anko thought. _I didn't know if I could get through the day... Phew! Thank you, Kami. Thanks. For once, you did somethin' good for me... other than blessing the land with dango._

Letting out a sigh, she settled down in the tub, filled with hot water and a little bit of bubbles.

"Peace and quiet... at last..." She murmured to herself, closing her eyes.

Tonight, she was going to get _Anko Time_.

What was _Anko Time_? Oh, nothing special. Just a lot of hours, reading _Icha Icha_ books, eating boxes of dango, drinking sake, and last but not least, _messing, with, Iruka._

A satisfied smile crept into the features of her face as she thought about how much fun she was going to have tonight. While normal therapists would be settling into bed for the next day, she would be having fun, wrecking havoc and most of all: EATING DANGO.

Oh, yeah. Life was good for this violet haired woman.

She let out another relaxed sigh, leaning her head on her shoulder.

All of a sudden, in a poof of smoke, Tsunade appeared.

Mitarashi jumped up, nearly splashing water all over the place and the Hokage.

"God damn, Tsuande!" She shouted at the top of her lungs. "What's the big idea! You need to seriously learn not to be doing that shit anymore. Poofing up in here... Out of nowhere... Almost making me scream in fear..."

Tsunade's amber colored eyes narrowed. She placed her hands on her hips, huffing, "And Mitarashi, _you_ need to learn how to speak properly to your Hokage!"

Anko settled back down in the water, pouting a bit. "Yeah... I know..."

Tsunade's sudden angry expression changed to modest and satisfied. "Great!" She chimed. "Now that we both have an understanding... I'd like to announce that... I have another mission for you."

A loud and annoyed groan escaped from the back of Anko's throat.

"Hey! Don't you give me that attitude!" Tsunade snapped, huffing once more. "I left the scroll containing the information on your bed. The mission must be complete by morning; 7:00 a.m, to be exact."

Letting out an exhausted sigh, Anko reluctantly nods her head, waving the Lady Hokage off. "Alright, Alright..."

And with that, the Hokage poofs away.

.

. .

. . .

. .

.

"You're late, Anko!" The tanned jounin remarks, smiling as a tired and annoyed Mitarashi dragged herself to meet him at Konoha's gates.

_Just fucking great... Getting stuck of a DAMN mission with this guy._ She complains in her head. Letting out another sigh, Anko stopped at the gates, examining him from head to toe.

"You seem extra happy tonight, Buck-O..." She dryly retorts to his cheerfulness.

Iruka flashes her a toothy grin, scratching his head. "Why, yes." - "Yes, I am."

"Do you want to know why?" He adds, closing his eyes and laughing nervously. _Because I'm with you._

He couldn't tell her that. There's no way in hell.

1. He didn't have the guts to do it and we're all pretty sure that when he did, he'd shit his pants.

2. He didn't know how she was going to react.

3. He had no hair on his balls.

It's all sad.

Anko rolled her pupil-less, light brown eyes. "No, Iruka." - "I do not want to know."

He shrugged his shoulders, slightly. "I'll tell you anyways." - "W-Well... Uh... This mission seems interesting... And... Dangerous!" He chirps, holding up a fist. "I can't wait to feel my adrenaline pumping! I just can't wait!" _Yeah, keep up this tough talk, Iruka! She likes it! Keep on feeding her the bait!_

"And... I'll get to smash stuff! And-And... Kill some bitches!" Iruka was so caught up in his "Man-talk" that he didn't notice Anko's expression of annoyance and disbelief. Placing her hands on her hips, she rolled her eyes, once more.

"Iruka?"

"Y-Yes, Anko?"

"You and I both know you don't have hair on your balls." - "Chill out with all of that bullshit coming out of your mouth..." She trails off and starts walking out the village gates.

"Let's get a move on, so I could get back to my cozy apartment and eat dango." She adds in, waving for him to follow her.

Letting out a heavy and depressing sigh, he nods once. "Coming, Anko..."

.

. .

. . .

. .

.

"Hmmm..." - "It's quiet here... Too quiet here..." Anko comments to herself, examining an "abandoned" rough city. From the looks of the tattered/battered buildings, the heavy construction needed on the buildings and considering the fact that no one was walking around, one might consider it to be abandoned.

"Abandoned?" Iruka asks, looking around.

No one in sight.

"_Pssh!_" He scoffs. "Anko, their just sleeping."

"Iruka don't do anything stup-"

But it was too late.

He cupped his hands over his mouth and shouted at the top of his lungs, "**Hellooooo**~!"

As he shouted that, a crash was heard. Iruka squealed out of fear, leaping around. He ended up in Anko's arms. Yep. She was holding him bridal style, while he shook because he was scared.

Anko's Face:

(»_»)

"Iruka. Like I said before... You have NO fucking hair on your balls." She dropped him to the floor, making him land hard on his ass.

Anko continued to walk around, examining the "abandoned" rouge city.

_Is this a ghost town or what?_ She thought.

The mission said clearly in bold letters, **INVESTIGATE THE ROUGE CITY AT THE EDGE OF KONOHA.**

That's all they had to do?

Who know's?

Anko sure as hell didn't care.

The violet haired woman shrugged her shoulders; she flips the scroll over.

Found something? No.

She turned it backwards.

Something new? Nope!

Anko then turns it upside down.

Any clue... At all?

Fuck no.

Just that little piece of information.

**INVESTIGATE THE ROUGE CITY AT THE OUTSKIRTS OF KONOHA.**

_Are you kidding me, Lady Tsunade?_ Anko thought. She shakes her head in disbelief. Yeah, _Anko Time_ was definately ruined for the night...

Except... She could still mess with Iruka...

Anko's gaze turned to the tanned jonin who happened to be glaring at the ground and rubbing his ass, in a soothing motion.

Slowly, she strode over to him, sneaking up behind him.

"Oh! Iruka! Look out!" She screamed in fake terror, startling the man. Iruka let out a high pitch scream and falling to the floor. He looked up to see Anko on the verge of crying. She suddenly burst of with heavy laughter, not stopping for a second.

_Anko!_ He yelled in his mind. _Calm yourself, Iruka... Girls like her is what makes a relationship fun... __**Or want to fucking rip your eyes from their sockets!**_

Finally snapping out of his thoughts/self-conscious, Iruka slowly stood up. Dusting himself off, he chides, "Ha. Ha. Very funny, Anko..."

The violet haired woman finally stops laughing. With a slight shrug of her shoulders, she let's out a sigh. "Oh, whatever. That little stunt right there was nothing, Buck-O."

She goes on to add, "But... Seriously... Did it freak you out that much?"

Iruka is silent before flustering, "_Pssh!_" - "Heck- Hell no!" He lets out a nervous laugh before turning the other way. _Please believe me, Please believe me..._

He turns back around just to face an annoyed Anko. "Yeah, right."

"Now, Iruka... Pull down your pants."

The tanned man's eyes widened. _Did I just imagine Anko say that?_

He stared at her in awe. She placed her hands on her hips and leaned on one leg. From the expectant look on her face, she was **not** joking.

"Wh-Why?" Iruka questioned, starting to sweat a bit.

Rolling her eyes, Anko sighs, "Just do it..."

"I want to see something..."

Reluctantly, Iruka starts to unbuckle his belt and slide down his zipper. He unbuttons the button and lets his pants hit the floor. With a heavy gulp, he looks down.

_... Underwear with hearts on them...? So Iruka._ Mitarashi thinks, examining him head to toe. She notices his sudden tan face turn dead beet red. _Don't tell me he thinks..._ Slapping her forehead, she sighs.

"My examination is done. Pull em' back up."

Iruka's expression suddenly turned glum.

"What... did you want to do?" He questioned, sadness laced in his tone.

"Eh, check to see if you have pubic hair. But, you don't. My accusations were correct."

She waved him on, walking further into the village.

"What accusations?" He questions, offense laced in the tone of his voice.

"I already told you..." She says, walking around, while scanning the village from the left to right. _What a strange village..._ Anko thought. _Something __**ain't**__ right..._

"But, Anko..." Iruka whines.

She ignores him. After five minutes, which seemed like forever, the violet haired woman shakes her head.

"It doesn't make sense. And it's almost dawn... Let's just call it quits...?" Anko sighs, turning to face her partner. And what does she see? Iruka, turned around, hands in his pants. He's babbling incoherently about hair and shaking his head. "I don't get what she means... Is not having pubic hair a problem? Could it be a disorder running through my family?... I..."

He went on and on.

Anko rolled her light brown, pupiless eyes in utter annoyance.

She was about to disturb Iruka and his 'thoughts' but all of a sudden, there was a loud _Kaboom!_ which made her slightly jump and Iruka squeal in fear.

Both different pair of eyes diverted to the area of where the explosion came from.

"Sounds like a bomb..." Iruka sighs, glancing at Anko.

"No shit!" She snaps, shaking her head. "Paper-bomb, to be exact." She adds.

Anko begins to sprint over toward the area.

_Women..._ Iruka sighs in his thoughts, before following her.

**Moments Later**

"I don't see anything..."

"Me neither." Anko admits. Tonight was _not_ looking up for her. Her relaxation was broken, Tsunade gave her a mission that had _FUCK SHIT_ written all over it, and it was with Iruka. Not that Iruka wasn't good looking or wasn't fun or nice to be around, _sometimes_; it's just that... Well, the violet haired woman was right.

He had NO hair on his balls, meaning that he was a wimp. His true definition was the term, (clean), _'puss-puss'_. And that's not the half of it. He didn't know how to have fun and he, honestly was sort of... a bore. Atleast Kakashi had a sense of humor and he had things in common with her.

Take _Icha Icha_ for example. Anko could say, "Sup, Iruka! Come read some of this good ass _Icha Icha_ with me!"

He'd say, "What?! Heck, no! Are you crazy!" Iruka would pause and point to his head, the section where his brain was located to be exact, "_I_ heard that stuff like that, makes your brain rot."

And Anko would say in her mind, while having that annoyed expression, _Why I thought?_

**Back to Reality**

All of a sudden, out of nowhere, eerie but child-like giggles were heard. Both of them, quickly got alert and their eyes scanned their surrounds.

Anko caught sight of a small shadow, fleetly dashing past them.

_What the hell was that?_

There was some more of that creepy laughter.

"Ha-ha! You're no match for me!" A voice yelled.

"No match for fucking who?" Anko yelled to the sky.

"Tiffany!"

Anko was suddenly annoyed and became un-alert.

"Who in the name of Kami is fucking Tiffany?"

"Your worst nightmare!" The person yells, revealing their identity. Iruka starts to shiver in fear. And this really annoyed Mitarashi. "Buck-O, if I tell you that you're pretty, will you man up for atleast 5 seconds?"

He stops shivering, puffs out his chest and holds up a fist. "Hey, Tiffany... Whoever the hell you are... Fuck off! Y-You are NOT welcome here!"

Iruka went back to hiding behind Anko again.

Anko let out a sigh and gawked at what stood before her and Iruka.

Tiffany.

Tiffany was a fucking little kid.

"Oh."

"Woah!" Iruka shrieks, getting a good look at Tiffany.

The kid held up a kunai. "Come on! You wanna' piece of me? Huh? Huh?" The kid taunted. "You're in my secret turf! And where I am, crap like that doesn't fly!"

Anko slapped her forehead. _Tsunade sent me on a fucking mission to investigate an abandoned village that is ruled and treated as a 'turf' for a fucking kid named Tiffany. _

_And what the hell?!_

_Tiffany isn't even a damn common name for people here in the Five Great Nations... _Anko thought, rolling her eyes at each thought she had.

Anko took a step over to the kid. "I'm warning you! You better not come close!" He or She, whatever Tiffany fucking was, yelled holding up a fist. The violet haired woman did not listen and as she stepped closer, Tiffany let off a small land mine, sending Anko flying.

Iruka's eyes widened as he could see little drops of blood flying and as he watched Anko land on the ground with a hard thud.

_OH HELL NO! No one hurts __**my woman**__! _

"I told you lady! I told you!" Tiffany roared, crossing his/her arms over his/her chest.

Iruka started to walk over to Tiffany... **menacingly**!

By the time Anko awoke from the impact of the mine and her fall, she rose up just to see her leg, bleeding and her ankle twisted. She gritted her teeth at the pain she received but pulled herself together. She managed to gather herself up, but her eyes scanned the area. Iruka was not in sight. Where could he have been?

She started to limp over to the entrance of the gates but paused at the scene in front of her.

"And you better fucking _promise_ you will never, ever, ever, fucking ever, hurt **my** Anko again!" He shouted, raising his hand and bringing it back down to slap 'Tiffany' hard on the ass. Iruka caught Tiffany, swung the kid over his leg and started _tearing that ass up_!

Anko started to snicker as Iruka gave Tiffany a lecture on his love for her, while whooping his behind. She shook her head but as soon as he was done, his head snapped up just to see Mitarashi staring at him with a huge smile on her face.

"Uh..." He held up one finger. "... How much of that did you see and hear...?"

"Eh. Just about all of it."

**Moments Later**

"And thanks again for sort of saving me, Iruka..." She whispered as he carried her back to her apartment door.

Iruka was blushing madly. He was carrying a now bandaged Anko Mitarashi in his arms, _bridal style_ and he got his '15 Minutes of Heroism' when he was carrying Anko and dragging 'Tiffany' who turned out to be **Renji Hyuga** in disguise. When questioned about why he was in such an unstable environment, he told them, "I got bored. And my pet rocks needed company."

All went well. Except, Iruka and Anko received no pay for the mission at all and it was just a cover-up because while they were out, Tsunade and Shizune were in her apartment, reading her _Icha Icha_ books and drinking her precious sake.

Iruka smiled, when they reached the doors. She took out her key, sticking it in the lock. With a few twists and turns, the door was open.

Anko sighed as Iruka sat her down on the love seat sofa.

"That was pretty brave of you..."

"Enough to... Earn you some hair on those balls of yours..." She joked around, flashing him a crooked smile.

Scratching the nape of his neck, he smiled back. "Heh... Thanks..."

There was a sort silence before Anko rose up from her seat, hopped over to him and gave him a long, lingering kiss... On the cheek.

He turned as red as a tomato.

She points to the door.

"Now, get out..."

"O-O-Okay..." - "Okay..."

A content sigh escapes his lips as he touches his cheek, at the exact spot of where she kissed him.

He unzips his pants and peeks in his boxers.

Her turns around and starts banging on Anko's door.

"Anko! Anko!" He exclaims. "I got one! I got one! I got a cute, little curly hair on my balls!"

-Bang! Bang! Bang!

Who the hell could that be? It better not be Iruka again to tell me about his newly grown pubic hairs...

I got up out of bed, limping to the door.

I open it.

I look to the left, look to the right but then before I'm about to close the door, someone clears their throat. I glance down.

Fucking great.

Renji Hyuga.

He holds up a circular platter.

"I baked this pie for you."

I raise an eyebrow.

"To say sorry..." He adds, fixing his glasses so that they are correctly adjusted on his face.

I'm a bit skeptical about it...

"What flavor is it?" I question, with one eye open.

He pauses for a moment.

"Pie flavor."

* * *

**Done. **

**Sorry, but Kumi-Chan rushed. Pssh, I told you I sort of lost interest in this chappie. Not the story, but the chappie alone!**

**Iruka doesn't suit me like he used to. Don't know why! and imagine Tiffany looking like _Tiffany_ from _Adventure Time_.  
**

**Anyway, tell me what'cha thought. Review!**

**Rant at me for updating late, whatever you have on your mind. **

**Stay tooned. **

**Jimmy!**

**Lol.**

**I'd like to hear what you have to say! :D**

**Kumi-Chan/Tobi-Is-Fluffy-Chan**


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